Moving Forward
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Hi everyone,
I've been visiting this site for quite sometime - ever since 'the knock'. Our 'perfect' family was turned upside-down and life as we know it, will never truly be the same.
As they say, life does go on - a prison sentence was served by my dad and its now 8 months since his release.
I guess where I am and what I'm trying to understand- is how to help my parents, they have been through everything and back again - with obviously both different stories (hell) to tell.
I know they are both still suffering massively- dad isn't much of a talker,so its hard to ask how he is and even after all the hurt he's caused, he's still somebody I hugely respect- so to confront him with a million questions, isn't something I feel able to do..? His way is to not talk about it - which i guess is hugely frustrating for my mum, as she thinks its him pretending it never happen!
My mum however, can speak openly and honestly about everything- its just really hard to watch two people that you've loved all your life..suffer - in silence.
They have never had any meetings with a counselor or anything - i was just after some advice, if you think its my place to suggest it without hurting anyone??
I've been visiting this site for quite sometime - ever since 'the knock'. Our 'perfect' family was turned upside-down and life as we know it, will never truly be the same.
As they say, life does go on - a prison sentence was served by my dad and its now 8 months since his release.
I guess where I am and what I'm trying to understand- is how to help my parents, they have been through everything and back again - with obviously both different stories (hell) to tell.
I know they are both still suffering massively- dad isn't much of a talker,so its hard to ask how he is and even after all the hurt he's caused, he's still somebody I hugely respect- so to confront him with a million questions, isn't something I feel able to do..? His way is to not talk about it - which i guess is hugely frustrating for my mum, as she thinks its him pretending it never happen!
My mum however, can speak openly and honestly about everything- its just really hard to watch two people that you've loved all your life..suffer - in silence.
They have never had any meetings with a counselor or anything - i was just after some advice, if you think its my place to suggest it without hurting anyone??
Hi Paris123,
I didn't want to think you're post has been ignored.
I would definitely suggest counselling to your parents. You care about their wellbeing and happiness so I do not see what harm the suggestion would have when you have their best interests at heart.
My only thought, maybe, is that it would be more beneficial for your father to see a counsellor separately first. Because he is not opening up to you or your mother, I personally think a group or couples counselling would make him more closed-off with regards to what has happened.
If he is agreeable, the StopSo counsellors are highly recommended - my partner is seeing one and hugely benefits from the sessions. I know my partners counsellor also offers couples counselling so in time, this could also be something your mother wants to attend.
Ultimately, it would be their decision but I think if the roles were reversed and it was you and your partner in this situation, I'm sure your parents would suggest counselling :)
Hope this helps x
I didn't want to think you're post has been ignored.
I would definitely suggest counselling to your parents. You care about their wellbeing and happiness so I do not see what harm the suggestion would have when you have their best interests at heart.
My only thought, maybe, is that it would be more beneficial for your father to see a counsellor separately first. Because he is not opening up to you or your mother, I personally think a group or couples counselling would make him more closed-off with regards to what has happened.
If he is agreeable, the StopSo counsellors are highly recommended - my partner is seeing one and hugely benefits from the sessions. I know my partners counsellor also offers couples counselling so in time, this could also be something your mother wants to attend.
Ultimately, it would be their decision but I think if the roles were reversed and it was you and your partner in this situation, I'm sure your parents would suggest counselling :)
Hope this helps x
I really respect your wish to help your parents and understand as there have been many times in my life where I have wanted to help mine (nothing to do with this situation - I'm on here due to husband). Every time I've tried to do something to help it has had no impact whatsoever. I have been having counseling myself and working through my own expectations and feelings and assumptions about my parents has helped me understand that they are adults and they make their choices and I am a separate person who can make my own choices. You can make suggestions but they can only help themselves and as much as you love them it would not be your fault if nothing changes.
Thankyou for the advice xx its such an awful situation but as time goes on ...things do slowly get better x
I find thoughts and worries quite never quite leave your mind but it's not quite as painful as time passes and you really have to get on with the practicalities of your day to day life. Not easy tho!!