Family and Friends Forum

I suppose it depends on the child and how they would cope with prison I think I'd at least want to go myself first and see what it was like. Not sure if seeing dad in prison may be too disturbing and frightening for some children.

Personally I think I'd be terrified at visiting a prison.

Do you have social worker you could ask for advice?

Hi there!

I was in a similar situation at the beginning of the year. My hubby got a custodial sentence, and at first no contact was allowed. Probation and my hubby's personal officer met with him and he asked if he could apply for contact which he did, and we got calls and letters. My personal choice was that I didn't want to take my two children in to see him, and my hubby said he didn't want them to go as because of the people in there.
The application for contact takes a few weeks but it starts with your husband/ex applying for contact, and you receiving a letter asking if you support it. You will have to provide passport pictures of your child and it will go from there. SS will probably contact you after this stage.
My hubby is due for release next month and Ive found contact between him and my children extremely beneficial for them and him. I'm glad he was allowed.

blue x

Ttyh hope you don't mind me asking but how did you managed unlimited supervised access? My oh is currently being charged with an online communication offense and have been really struggling with SS.

we started off with supervised access at his parents (where he was bailed to) and have just after 4 weeks got them to agree to very limited access at the family home (only during daytime for limited hours and 2 supervising adults required, in case I need to go to the toilet apparently)

you might find is useful to read something called prison service instruction 49/2011 entitled Prison communication services, this document is the rules the prison has to abide by in terms of prisoners communicating with love ones and others, including what a prisoner has to do to be able to contact there children be it by phone, letter, email or prison visit, just google

PSI 49/2011 Prison Communication Services

It will give you a good idea of the processes you might come across

hope it helps

Gosh, can I ask what happens if I don't allow it. Each case is different but I would never allow my child to go to see him in prison.



it seems sometimes that it protects the person who undertook the offence rather than those picking up the pieces ...

Lee we are still waiting for the initial assessment to be completed (should be this week) so it's just an agreement we have with them at the moment as it was in his bail conditions that any contact with children was up to the SS

Ttyh thank you for the reply. Our assessment is due to be completed soon hopefully this week so will see what comes from that. I feel I have tried everything to prove I am very protective (done safety plan and currently completing an online safeguarding course) just feel our sw is not being very helpful, I have asked for feedback on my safety plan and any recommendations for me or my oh could do that would help and had nothing back, he has had 1 5 minute phone call (after which the sw called me and told me my oh was overly emotional, how can he not be?) and a 30 minute meeting with my oh so don't see how he can really understand from that if he is a good Dad (which he really is)

Hi Lost

I wondered if you could give me any advice. My hubby is in prison and is due out in a few weeks. My kids are both teenagers and have been having level 3 contact with their dad. Before he got sent down they had unlimited supervised contact with their dad which was brill, we could be as a family... well to a degree.

probation had bee out to see his mum, as that is where he will be living. They mentioned about the kids and said they would contact SS and they didn't see a problem with the arrangements we had in place before.
How long before your partner was released did SS get in touch? I'm kinda nervous about seeing them after such a long time, and worried they'll put more restrictions in place. My kids had overnight stays at the address their dad lives at (with me there of course and safeguarding in place) but I don't know how being on the SOR will affect that.
so many questions going round in my head.
blue xx

Thank you so much Lost for telling me your experiences. I have had good experiences with SS. They were very quick with their first assessment and closed the case. It took over 2 years for the police to charge, so for that period we did as recommended. Now I am obviously so concerned they will restrict us, which would be so damaging for my two children. My life has been a real rollercoaster.
After my husband was sentenced at court my brother took it upon himself to make my life hell.
He turned up at court and harassed my mother in law who was there supporting her son. He stood and shouted horrible things at my husband when he was being transported to prison. He spread lies, and later reported me to social services for letting my husband have unsupervised contact with our children. They followed it up with me on the phone and did not take any further action, as I explained what had happened, but this has obviously made me worried about how SS will approach me now.
I'll take notes of the info you have put in your post and prepare.
thank you so much,

blue x

Thank you so much Lost your reply's have been wonderful I really appreciate it so much. I will look into that group for my children. I think we'd benefit from it.
blue x

Hi lost123

I've been trying to find this post so I could reach out to you. I wanted to tell you what has happened on our journey.
SS contacted me a few days before my husband's release to say they would have to do an assessment before the children could see Dad again. They were a little upset but understand it has to happen. Yesterday 2 social workers came out to see us and they were absolutely lovely. Very understanding and listened to everything we had to say.
They said they knew it was difficult, but they had to gather information and put a plan together for us all. They said we were at the 'Child in need' stage. They were very positive about contact with dad, and said they would go and see him and maybe get my husbands mums support with contact too.
I showed SS a copy of my husbands SHPO and his licence conditions and both say no unsupervised contact without express approval of SS and to not enter, remain or reside in a household with any childunder the ages of 16.
I guess technically they can see dad supervised out of the house? I didn't ask them this though, as I didn't want to push anything just yet as they seem so supportive to us.
they said it would take up to 35 days to do a good assessment (gosh I don't think my kids can cope that long) but she would keep me up to days as soon as anything changed.
I do have a good feeling about the social worker she seemed very non judgemental and was very understanding, which I know can be rare in these cases, but I'm still keeping an open mind and focusing on the children's needs and wishes.
Hope you are well.
Blue xx

Hi Ttyh

I am in the same position as you. We were having contact for months though by purple visits and then they stopped it. They had messed up, as they should have sent me the contact form at the start but didn't.

We have had our assessment by social services, so I contacted the prison to ask where it was up to. The OMU said they hadn't received a response from SS. I emailed the social worker who was great, confirmed that she had and offered to resend it. I spoke with the prison again who told me I need to be patient. My patience wasn't the problem, the problem was that they were saying they hadn't received it when they had!

My husband is the same regarding the assessment, he has been there 8 months now and still hasn't had a report. These are supposed to be done after 8 weeks so it's just ridiculous.

I'm at the same stage though and thinking of getting a solicitor. I don't think there is any drive to push contact through at all. It's ok then saying to be patient, but they aren't the ones who have children asking them why they can't see daddy anymore.