My children's father
Notifications OFF
Hi, I have a partner of 7 months who's disclosed to me he is on SOR for 3 more years out of 5 since I became pregnant, I'm 5 weeks and have 2 children from a previous relationship, he was found with IIOC in 2016 and got probation and SOR for 5 years, he didn't go to jail, my question is, is their any chance of us sharing a home together? Or will I have to wait until he's off SOR, also if social services approved of him seeing me as long as theirs no unsupervised contact with my children, will they have to notify my children's father? He is extremely aggressive and jealous of my new relationship, he's avoided going to jail himself for various crimes, and if he knew I'm scared of what would happen. Please if anyone has been in the same situation, advice would be greatly appreciated.
This must be a very difficult and stressful time for you, i hope you have support from friends/family. Hopefully there will be someone who is able to give you advice who is in a similar situation. I think there may be some issues for you in terms of him not disclosing to you sooner that he was on the sor as you have children. There are not straight forward answers to your questions. Him living with you as a family will come down to the risk he poses, social services, police and probabtion should all work together on that. I believe it's not at simple as when he comes off the register he can just move in. It really depends on what he did, what risk he poses etc. I dont know about telling their father, if he has some parental responsibilty then the answer might well be yes he has to be told to help safeguard the kids. But discuss that with your social worker as telling him could put you and the kids at risk. If you have only known him for a few months it will be worth you speaking with probabtion and any other professionals who deal with him to discuss risk and his progress.
Hi Advice needed
you poor thing - this must be such a difficult time for you. As Maria says he should have told you before this as you have other children, though if they are 18 or over then it wouldn’t matter. I would imagine if your other children are under 18 then their father would be told if he has parental responsibility. As Maria says, others can guide you on that, especially if you feel you are already at risk from violence from him.
there is no way around it, SS will be heavily involved in your life from now on if you stay with your partner. I don’t know if SS have ever been involved in your life before due to your ex-partner’s violence?
another really good source of advice is Family Rights Group - they have both a forum and a helpline.
wishing you love x
you poor thing - this must be such a difficult time for you. As Maria says he should have told you before this as you have other children, though if they are 18 or over then it wouldn’t matter. I would imagine if your other children are under 18 then their father would be told if he has parental responsibility. As Maria says, others can guide you on that, especially if you feel you are already at risk from violence from him.
there is no way around it, SS will be heavily involved in your life from now on if you stay with your partner. I don’t know if SS have ever been involved in your life before due to your ex-partner’s violence?
another really good source of advice is Family Rights Group - they have both a forum and a helpline.
wishing you love x
My children are 4 and 8, yes social services have and still are in my life because of their father, they got involved when we were together, and even though we have been separated for months I still have meetings with them to check how everything is going, I've been left with the aftermath, and just as I think I've find the perfect person with no faults, this arises. I am broken.
Hi Adviceneeded
i really don’t want to scare you, but I think I am being realistic when I say that social services are going to be very concerned about this situation. From their perspective, they are involved with your family already due to your previous partner and then a few months after separation you are involved with someone on the SOR. Whatever the actual truth of the situation, they may take the view that you are not being protective of the children. I am not in any way suggesting you are not being protective and I am sticking with my partner who has been accused of downloading indecent images, but due to my involvement with social services I have some experience of how they may view this situation.
Your new partner should have known when he got involved with you and you had young kids that this would cause an enormous problem for you - whilst I understand he felt ashamed of his offence, he has now left you with a very serious problem.
I wish I was there to give you a big hug. You must be feeling so confused.
i would urge you to ring both the Lucy Faithfull helpline and the Family Rights Group helpline. If you already have SS in your life (I am presuming your kids are on Children in need plan as you are still getting visits from social services) you are going to have to tell them ASAP about your new partner I’m afraid, otherwise it will look bad on you. However speak to the helplines first and gather your thoughts.
thinking of you x
i really don’t want to scare you, but I think I am being realistic when I say that social services are going to be very concerned about this situation. From their perspective, they are involved with your family already due to your previous partner and then a few months after separation you are involved with someone on the SOR. Whatever the actual truth of the situation, they may take the view that you are not being protective of the children. I am not in any way suggesting you are not being protective and I am sticking with my partner who has been accused of downloading indecent images, but due to my involvement with social services I have some experience of how they may view this situation.
Your new partner should have known when he got involved with you and you had young kids that this would cause an enormous problem for you - whilst I understand he felt ashamed of his offence, he has now left you with a very serious problem.
I wish I was there to give you a big hug. You must be feeling so confused.
i would urge you to ring both the Lucy Faithfull helpline and the Family Rights Group helpline. If you already have SS in your life (I am presuming your kids are on Children in need plan as you are still getting visits from social services) you are going to have to tell them ASAP about your new partner I’m afraid, otherwise it will look bad on you. However speak to the helplines first and gather your thoughts.
thinking of you x