Anyone with children around 11-16 and how to cope
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Hi.
I posted the other day about being new here.
just wondering if anyone has kids around 11-16 and how to cope moving forward.
I guess I'm asking the following-
if it got out in in public, did they lose their friends?
Did you stay in the same area and how did people react, especially if you stayed with your partner.
if you moved away, how easy will it be for the kids to make friends?
if partner was placed on the register and you stayed together as a family, can your kids have their friends round ever?
im sorry for all of the questions but I'm so scared and confused.
I posted the other day about being new here.
just wondering if anyone has kids around 11-16 and how to cope moving forward.
I guess I'm asking the following-
if it got out in in public, did they lose their friends?
Did you stay in the same area and how did people react, especially if you stayed with your partner.
if you moved away, how easy will it be for the kids to make friends?
if partner was placed on the register and you stayed together as a family, can your kids have their friends round ever?
im sorry for all of the questions but I'm so scared and confused.
Hi Ash1677,
Thank you for posting on the Family and Friends forum, we understand that it is not easy to post on a forum about these difficult situations. I can see that you have not yet had a reply on this post, however, you have posted similar questions on other threads and have had responses to your questions. If you are still looking for responses to your above questions, I hope by bumping up your post you will receive some more replies from others in a similar situation to yourself.
It is evident that this is a difficult time for you, with this in mind I suggest that you take some time to look after yourself. This could be simple self-care activities such as going on a walk alone or engaging in a hobby you enjoy. It is important that you take care of yourself as well as you can during this difficult time and if you are struggling with this then please do reach out for additional support. I would also encourage you to contact our Stop it Now! Helpline on 0808 1000 900. The helpline is anonymous, confidential and free. One of our trained advisors will then be able to explore your situation in detail and provide some support. Our trained advisors deal with similar concerns to yours, and will be able to talk these through with you and offer you the best advice we can.
I hope this has been helpful.
Take care,
Lucy
Thank you for posting on the Family and Friends forum, we understand that it is not easy to post on a forum about these difficult situations. I can see that you have not yet had a reply on this post, however, you have posted similar questions on other threads and have had responses to your questions. If you are still looking for responses to your above questions, I hope by bumping up your post you will receive some more replies from others in a similar situation to yourself.
It is evident that this is a difficult time for you, with this in mind I suggest that you take some time to look after yourself. This could be simple self-care activities such as going on a walk alone or engaging in a hobby you enjoy. It is important that you take care of yourself as well as you can during this difficult time and if you are struggling with this then please do reach out for additional support. I would also encourage you to contact our Stop it Now! Helpline on 0808 1000 900. The helpline is anonymous, confidential and free. One of our trained advisors will then be able to explore your situation in detail and provide some support. Our trained advisors deal with similar concerns to yours, and will be able to talk these through with you and offer you the best advice we can.
I hope this has been helpful.
Take care,
Lucy
Hi Ash 1677,
My eldest was 14 when her dad got arrested and is now 17, we have stayed where we were and it was in the local paper, but we have had no problems since, the weekend he was sentenced it was in the paper and her friends or people she knew sent it to her and the nasty comments, but after that weekend we have had nothing since, no problems where we live and no probples where my hubby live, it does blow over quite quickly. Unfortunately for us there was a vigilante group just started up and were reporting every one who had been done for child offences so posted things and threatened things but we were put on the high risk thing ( so if anything happened we rang police and they would be the quick ) we have never had to use it and they never showed up to where my husband lives ( they knew the road but not the number thank god, hubby lives in flats). Kids may lose friends but those that know u and the family will stand by u those who don't well that's there problem. I know its hard but things do blow over
My eldest was 14 when her dad got arrested and is now 17, we have stayed where we were and it was in the local paper, but we have had no problems since, the weekend he was sentenced it was in the paper and her friends or people she knew sent it to her and the nasty comments, but after that weekend we have had nothing since, no problems where we live and no probples where my hubby live, it does blow over quite quickly. Unfortunately for us there was a vigilante group just started up and were reporting every one who had been done for child offences so posted things and threatened things but we were put on the high risk thing ( so if anything happened we rang police and they would be the quick ) we have never had to use it and they never showed up to where my husband lives ( they knew the road but not the number thank god, hubby lives in flats). Kids may lose friends but those that know u and the family will stand by u those who don't well that's there problem. I know its hard but things do blow over
Thank you for your message.
I just can't cope just now. I just don't know what to do.
I don't know what the future holds for us but I think if I stand by him then the repercussions will be worse for us.
I just can't cope just now. I just don't know what to do.
I don't know what the future holds for us but I think if I stand by him then the repercussions will be worse for us.
It is such a horrible experience. You are in mental and physical pain, it's like a sudden bereavement. I felt like I'd been thrown out a plane with no parachute, had no control of my life whatsoever. Never cried so much. Then day after day threw up more things to face, more trauma.
It may seem very bleak now but as our friends on this forum say it does get better honestly..... stay strong my love x
It may seem very bleak now but as our friends on this forum say it does get better honestly..... stay strong my love x
Hi Ash.
I am the same situation. I have a 4 and 10year old. We have a massive group of friends, as do our children.
I am petrified if this gets out my friends won't want to know me. My children will lose their friends and that would be devastating. They are children and have done nothing wrong. We won't ever be able to attend parties, BBQs etc..... as much of our lives revolves doing things as families.
He is wanting my help and support and right but it will massively change the way I live. I will be making excuses as to why we can't go anywhere or why I will be going with just the kids and I feel like it's so unfair and I really begrudge it. It would be much easier to split up then no one would be asking where he is And I could try and rebuild my new normal. I know it sounds so selfish but I just want to be happy and make the children happy and right now I can't see that that will be with him. At the same time I know that for his recovery a support network is vital. I honestly feel like he has ruined my Life. I have no family at all and my best friends have been like my family and to lose them and for my children to suffer would break me I think xx
I am the same situation. I have a 4 and 10year old. We have a massive group of friends, as do our children.
I am petrified if this gets out my friends won't want to know me. My children will lose their friends and that would be devastating. They are children and have done nothing wrong. We won't ever be able to attend parties, BBQs etc..... as much of our lives revolves doing things as families.
He is wanting my help and support and right but it will massively change the way I live. I will be making excuses as to why we can't go anywhere or why I will be going with just the kids and I feel like it's so unfair and I really begrudge it. It would be much easier to split up then no one would be asking where he is And I could try and rebuild my new normal. I know it sounds so selfish but I just want to be happy and make the children happy and right now I can't see that that will be with him. At the same time I know that for his recovery a support network is vital. I honestly feel like he has ruined my Life. I have no family at all and my best friends have been like my family and to lose them and for my children to suffer would break me I think xx
Thank you so much.
My heart actually hurts. I've never felt that before.
I can't function. I feel like im struggling to look after the kids. I suppose I relied on my husband more than I thought.
Its so lonely. I can't stand going to sleep at night and waking up feeling normal then reality suddenly hits and your stomach turns again.
I've been put on anti depressants and beta blockers.
We were told by the investigating officer that the timeline here is around 6 months. Husband just spoke to his solicitor and he said it could be 12 months because of the court back log.
Nobody knows my husband has moved out and this is going to be a nightmare to hide.
My heart actually hurts. I've never felt that before.
I can't function. I feel like im struggling to look after the kids. I suppose I relied on my husband more than I thought.
Its so lonely. I can't stand going to sleep at night and waking up feeling normal then reality suddenly hits and your stomach turns again.
I've been put on anti depressants and beta blockers.
We were told by the investigating officer that the timeline here is around 6 months. Husband just spoke to his solicitor and he said it could be 12 months because of the court back log.
Nobody knows my husband has moved out and this is going to be a nightmare to hide.
Ash, I get it.
my husband was asked to move out to and not stay the night. Unfortunately he did a runner and attempted suicide so spent most of his nmbail in hospital where I had to tell people he had had a break down.
I hate the fact that he ran off with no explanation to me and felt this was the best option. SS assessed and said he could be at home whilst being RUI.
I know that once the evidence is looked at SS will be back and he will likely have to leave, and may only have supervised access. This will break me as I have no family around and he was my support network with the kids. I don't know how I will manage. I think I will be happier as I am struggling to have him at home tho My children will be devastated....... I have no idea what I will tell them. My heart is broken for them. Our knock was in March and my world has been rocked. What I will say is over the last couple of months I have gained some strength from somewhere and I have put one foot in front of the other. Yes some days I would rather sit in front of the tv and not get dressed but there are moments where I can pretend that I have a new normal.
take things days by day it's all we can do. Sending hugs xx
my husband was asked to move out to and not stay the night. Unfortunately he did a runner and attempted suicide so spent most of his nmbail in hospital where I had to tell people he had had a break down.
I hate the fact that he ran off with no explanation to me and felt this was the best option. SS assessed and said he could be at home whilst being RUI.
I know that once the evidence is looked at SS will be back and he will likely have to leave, and may only have supervised access. This will break me as I have no family around and he was my support network with the kids. I don't know how I will manage. I think I will be happier as I am struggling to have him at home tho My children will be devastated....... I have no idea what I will tell them. My heart is broken for them. Our knock was in March and my world has been rocked. What I will say is over the last couple of months I have gained some strength from somewhere and I have put one foot in front of the other. Yes some days I would rather sit in front of the tv and not get dressed but there are moments where I can pretend that I have a new normal.
take things days by day it's all we can do. Sending hugs xx
Hi,
I understand where u r coming from, and I can't say fully that things will be OK, all I can say is yes u may lose some friends u have known but then I have gained friends who have not judged me or my situation who has not left my child out of birthday parties because of our situation things will be hard but they will get better, I haven't had a great experience with ss so I won't comment on that but I am glad that I have found this forum, I so wished I had found it 3 years ago my life maybe different now, so keep in touch on here with people they all seem very experienced, please just take 1 day at a time even take it hour by hour get as much advice as u can from here I am on mumsnet if u want to message me
I understand where u r coming from, and I can't say fully that things will be OK, all I can say is yes u may lose some friends u have known but then I have gained friends who have not judged me or my situation who has not left my child out of birthday parties because of our situation things will be hard but they will get better, I haven't had a great experience with ss so I won't comment on that but I am glad that I have found this forum, I so wished I had found it 3 years ago my life maybe different now, so keep in touch on here with people they all seem very experienced, please just take 1 day at a time even take it hour by hour get as much advice as u can from here I am on mumsnet if u want to message me
Thank you so much. It's a very lonely road to travel and I'm glad I have found this place.
Can i ask if you are still with your partner?
It feels like the offenders get all of the help going but the partners are just left to pick up the pieces on their own whilst their families have been torn apart.
Can i ask if you are still with your partner?
It feels like the offenders get all of the help going but the partners are just left to pick up the pieces on their own whilst their families have been torn apart.
Hi,
Yes I am still with my partner but living separately at the moment, he had to leave causes said he couldn't come home, charged with download iiocs, before I found this place, I was just about managing, when it first happened I wasn't allowed to supervise contact because I defended, ( didn't have reason not too, as 1 of the police officer stated in our house it could of been an accident) then I did some work so that I could supervise the contact, husband was RUI, then he was reinterpreted by the arresting officer who had told him that he had known people be allowed home once charged and even through being investigated, so we asked to be reassessed, long story short we ended up back with our first social worker who wanted my husband shot basically, so we ended up in cpp, but if I had found this group then I probably wouldn't have ended up there, so since he was sentenced up until August we have been on cpp it has been a nightmare for my mental health, but I did the llf inform course and I'm now currently doing the safeguarding and prevent level2 course to get better at showing I can be protective parent, SORRY FOR THE LONG chat but please ask for help on here the ladies are amazing, it is a long process but with their help u can get through it and I no the thought of doing things alone is scary, I mean I've managed to keep my kids alive with my cooking, but things will get easier and better but it's a long road to recovery and u can if u want get through it as a family there are plenty of us out there doing it as a family but I no there are lots not just don't make big decisions while emotions are raw xx
Yes I am still with my partner but living separately at the moment, he had to leave causes said he couldn't come home, charged with download iiocs, before I found this place, I was just about managing, when it first happened I wasn't allowed to supervise contact because I defended, ( didn't have reason not too, as 1 of the police officer stated in our house it could of been an accident) then I did some work so that I could supervise the contact, husband was RUI, then he was reinterpreted by the arresting officer who had told him that he had known people be allowed home once charged and even through being investigated, so we asked to be reassessed, long story short we ended up back with our first social worker who wanted my husband shot basically, so we ended up in cpp, but if I had found this group then I probably wouldn't have ended up there, so since he was sentenced up until August we have been on cpp it has been a nightmare for my mental health, but I did the llf inform course and I'm now currently doing the safeguarding and prevent level2 course to get better at showing I can be protective parent, SORRY FOR THE LONG chat but please ask for help on here the ladies are amazing, it is a long process but with their help u can get through it and I no the thought of doing things alone is scary, I mean I've managed to keep my kids alive with my cooking, but things will get easier and better but it's a long road to recovery and u can if u want get through it as a family there are plenty of us out there doing it as a family but I no there are lots not just don't make big decisions while emotions are raw xx