SW plan still not completed
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Hi Everyone.
it's been 3 weeks since a SW came to do an assessment following OH arrest the previous week. We still do not have this plan and don't know what to do. Although verbally agreed to have some family who are DBS checked to start supervising visits, I don't know the specifics. I have tried contacting the SW via text as she said that was the best method but she has not replied.
I don't want to make arrangements for a supervised visit and then it be wrong. But not knowing what's allowed and what's not is causing problems. OH thinks I'm deliberately keeping our son from seeing him in our home. I keep explaining that we can't afford to risk visits if we do them incorrectly as it will go against us.
How has your SW been? How long did it take to put a plan in place? What if you don't agree with the plan? .....why are we here? In this situation?
thanks
it's been 3 weeks since a SW came to do an assessment following OH arrest the previous week. We still do not have this plan and don't know what to do. Although verbally agreed to have some family who are DBS checked to start supervising visits, I don't know the specifics. I have tried contacting the SW via text as she said that was the best method but she has not replied.
I don't want to make arrangements for a supervised visit and then it be wrong. But not knowing what's allowed and what's not is causing problems. OH thinks I'm deliberately keeping our son from seeing him in our home. I keep explaining that we can't afford to risk visits if we do them incorrectly as it will go against us.
How has your SW been? How long did it take to put a plan in place? What if you don't agree with the plan? .....why are we here? In this situation?
thanks
My SS experience was fine (okay when I say fine it was hugely stressful but not because of the SW who was nice and professional) but it still took around 3 months to request an assessment,have it carried out, get verbal approval and then written approval for supervised visits.
Lilactree it is hugely stressful probably more so than the actual court case looming!
We agreed within 2 weeks from knock supervised visits at oh parents home (where he is living) and it took a further 6 weeks to get them to agree to limited access at the family home (have to have supervising adults and only during daytime) this was only the outcome of my continuous emails/ phone calls and a further meeting. It's so frustrating as he still cannot join us on a family outing in public places (which in my opinion is far less of a risk) I was also warned that if I kept pushing them for more leniency it didn't look good on me! It's so hard to find a balance of requesting more access but not wanting them to think I don't see any risk!
they really don't do anything quickly and I have been told numerous times of their huge caseload and as my children are not at high risk they are not their priority even though to me obviously they are and they already show signs of emotional distress from the whole situation
We agreed within 2 weeks from knock supervised visits at oh parents home (where he is living) and it took a further 6 weeks to get them to agree to limited access at the family home (have to have supervising adults and only during daytime) this was only the outcome of my continuous emails/ phone calls and a further meeting. It's so frustrating as he still cannot join us on a family outing in public places (which in my opinion is far less of a risk) I was also warned that if I kept pushing them for more leniency it didn't look good on me! It's so hard to find a balance of requesting more access but not wanting them to think I don't see any risk!
they really don't do anything quickly and I have been told numerous times of their huge caseload and as my children are not at high risk they are not their priority even though to me obviously they are and they already show signs of emotional distress from the whole situation
Thank you all for your support. The plan came through by email after some persuasion and getting my sons primary school involved. After all they have to know and they are able to rustle a few feathers with their contacts. The plan was rushed - errors all over it. Wrong name of supervisor, wrong offences named (well, different from what she verbally gave me directly from the police report she received) and very minimal restrictions. This is great of course but but verbally she gave us advice actions like not having oh having supervised visits in our home as that would blur the lines with our son.
our case as now gone to the field workers for long term. So just the waiting game now.
next step tell my parents as they will sus somethings not right. Don't think I can tell them the full scenario - my mum is so judgemental. Think I need to tell them that we've separated.
our case as now gone to the field workers for long term. So just the waiting game now.
next step tell my parents as they will sus somethings not right. Don't think I can tell them the full scenario - my mum is so judgemental. Think I need to tell them that we've separated.
Lee1969
thank you for your response. I did look on the FRG and it was scary reading. Some cases where the offences were less than my oh with harsher restrictions on the plan.
I think I do need to call the stop now helpline for support but since becoming a single parent overnight and in a high demanding job (teacher) I haven't had the time for myself. I feel I haven't had time to just let out all the tears. I'm either at work and looking after my son.
I have had great support from my union when I disclosed to my boss who was also very supportive. You don't have to disclose but I felt it necessary so that they fully understood my situation and has helped me to have a later start due to childcare issues. they are putting me in contact with some counselling.
thanks again
thank you for your response. I did look on the FRG and it was scary reading. Some cases where the offences were less than my oh with harsher restrictions on the plan.
I think I do need to call the stop now helpline for support but since becoming a single parent overnight and in a high demanding job (teacher) I haven't had the time for myself. I feel I haven't had time to just let out all the tears. I'm either at work and looking after my son.
I have had great support from my union when I disclosed to my boss who was also very supportive. You don't have to disclose but I felt it necessary so that they fully understood my situation and has helped me to have a later start due to childcare issues. they are putting me in contact with some counselling.
thanks again
Cloud - my heart goes out to you. Having to wait 3 months is unacceptable because you're left in limbo and I don't see how that is putting your children's welfare first. Once again we and our children are being victims of this. We don't deserve this. It's not fair that our children miss out on seeing their father. Our children didn't offend.
thanks again for your support
thanks again for your support
Hi lilactree
my advice is don't do anything without getting there say so first. I let my now ex see he's son after he was released when he was first arrested as his bail conditions stated he could see the children as long as he was supervised. When SS finally came out they said this shouldn't have happened and I was in the wrong.
One other incident was at Christmas when my old SW told me that he could again see the children for a few hours on Christmas Day aslong as I and another family member were present. We did this to find out months down the line that again this shouldn't have happened and emails were supposedly sent out stating this. None of the emails can be found in mine or my ex's email accounts. They were perusing this and made a big fuss about how we'd lied to them and family member that was supervising and how we have broken the agreement of no contact and put the children at risk. All of a sudden it's been dropped on there side and forgot about. I will be bringing it up in our next very over due core meeting.
I seeked advice from a solicitor and she told me email everything to SS. If you ring and leave a voicemail or send a text also email it then you have a paper trail and proof on ur part.
sorry my post is long. SS are there to support u and ur family as mine keeps reminding me but I've found them to be very judging and criticising.
good luck x
my advice is don't do anything without getting there say so first. I let my now ex see he's son after he was released when he was first arrested as his bail conditions stated he could see the children as long as he was supervised. When SS finally came out they said this shouldn't have happened and I was in the wrong.
One other incident was at Christmas when my old SW told me that he could again see the children for a few hours on Christmas Day aslong as I and another family member were present. We did this to find out months down the line that again this shouldn't have happened and emails were supposedly sent out stating this. None of the emails can be found in mine or my ex's email accounts. They were perusing this and made a big fuss about how we'd lied to them and family member that was supervising and how we have broken the agreement of no contact and put the children at risk. All of a sudden it's been dropped on there side and forgot about. I will be bringing it up in our next very over due core meeting.
I seeked advice from a solicitor and she told me email everything to SS. If you ring and leave a voicemail or send a text also email it then you have a paper trail and proof on ur part.
sorry my post is long. SS are there to support u and ur family as mine keeps reminding me but I've found them to be very judging and criticising.
good luck x