When to move away?
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I'm really worried about press coverage.
We're only four days in from the knock and I think my husband should move to a different area now. He thinks he can wait until he hears from the duty solicitor about the next steps or even until/if he is charged.
Is anyone able to answer my questions?
- How does the press find out about cases? Is it when cases go to court - magistrates or crown court - or can the press find out before then?
- If he moves to a new area now, would he still have to appear at the court in the area where he lived when arrested? So would it matter if he moved to a new area?
- Even if the case is heard in the new area, would the press report his original address, ie my address?
We've both come off Facebook, and he has come off Twitter and LinkedIn too, to try and reduce the likelihood of online abuse.
Sorry if my questions are too specific but I've no one else to ask. I'm so scared of being dragged down with him.
Thank you.
J x
We're only four days in from the knock and I think my husband should move to a different area now. He thinks he can wait until he hears from the duty solicitor about the next steps or even until/if he is charged.
Is anyone able to answer my questions?
- How does the press find out about cases? Is it when cases go to court - magistrates or crown court - or can the press find out before then?
- If he moves to a new area now, would he still have to appear at the court in the area where he lived when arrested? So would it matter if he moved to a new area?
- Even if the case is heard in the new area, would the press report his original address, ie my address?
We've both come off Facebook, and he has come off Twitter and LinkedIn too, to try and reduce the likelihood of online abuse.
Sorry if my questions are too specific but I've no one else to ask. I'm so scared of being dragged down with him.
Thank you.
J x
Hi,
these are all good questions. I am sure someone will be able to offer some support.
i also don’t want to get dragged down with my ex ( I do want people to know my ex is not accepting the offence or getting any support from the shock of the knock)
it is still early days like you said you are only 4 days in. You must still be in shock and processing the situation.
i am sure people will be able to give clarity to your questions. You may feel alone but you are safe here , no question is out of bounds and actually by asking you are probably helping other women. When I had my knock the police took my husband for questioning and left me alone with a Lucy Faithfull leaflet. I honestly don’t know how I survived the first day it’s all a blur. But I logged on and found the website but also a community of others who share this experience of having their life’s changed in a moment.
these are all good questions. I am sure someone will be able to offer some support.
i also don’t want to get dragged down with my ex ( I do want people to know my ex is not accepting the offence or getting any support from the shock of the knock)
it is still early days like you said you are only 4 days in. You must still be in shock and processing the situation.
i am sure people will be able to give clarity to your questions. You may feel alone but you are safe here , no question is out of bounds and actually by asking you are probably helping other women. When I had my knock the police took my husband for questioning and left me alone with a Lucy Faithfull leaflet. I honestly don’t know how I survived the first day it’s all a blur. But I logged on and found the website but also a community of others who share this experience of having their life’s changed in a moment.
It can be very easy to get into a panic but try not to. No one will know anything unless you tell them before he goes to court, if he hasn't been charged yet there's a long way to go. The press are always present at both magistrates and crown court, they just look at the listings and sit in the public gallery. So if you go to court there is always the chance of it being in the press but remember most courts have many court rooms there will not be reporters in every one every day so lots of people go through court without issue. If there is a reporter they will likely be local so your talking local papers or online, then it depends how interesting the story is as to how far it goes and if its posted on social media or in national newspapers. I think people go to court at the location they were arrested. What the press report depends on what is said in court, you must give your address and the location of the offence will also be given usually. So yes potentially even if you move it coukd follow him. These really are worst case senarios, unless you are certain he will be charged and its going to be a really exciting story for the press then try not to assume the worst will happen. It is a good idea to come off social media but again not essential right at the start. It's so stressful and upsetting but try not to over think and worry about things that have not happened yet, it's good to y think about it and think how you might manage it but not to endlessly worry about what might happen (I know that's easier said then done).
Thank you all.
I guess I’m doing what I always do in a crisis - try and establish the facts so I know what I’m dealing with and then plan a way forward.
Even if I did move away, my business is local and so are many of my/our friends and our children’s friends (even though they’re grown up now). So if it’s the local press, people will find out regardless of where he’s living or I’m living.
I’m finding it so hard to get through each day. Although yesterday, I took my dog for a long walk in the country and felt free for a while, and realised I would be ok on my own.
I’ll give the helpline a call later.
Thank you x
I guess I’m doing what I always do in a crisis - try and establish the facts so I know what I’m dealing with and then plan a way forward.
Even if I did move away, my business is local and so are many of my/our friends and our children’s friends (even though they’re grown up now). So if it’s the local press, people will find out regardless of where he’s living or I’m living.
I’m finding it so hard to get through each day. Although yesterday, I took my dog for a long walk in the country and felt free for a while, and realised I would be ok on my own.
I’ll give the helpline a call later.
Thank you x
Good Morning Josephine,
You are still very very early days into this devastation happening to you. The sheer panic you are probably feeling is totally normal and I can assure you I had all of the questions and worries plus about another 500 since the knock happened. We are now nearly 5 months in and still waiting on an outcome to it all. I never thought I'd make it this far at the start and I genuinely thought my life was over but do you know what, this forum has been amazing. The advice and wise words of the people here have genuinely got me through, along with the wonderful non-judgemental help from the helpline (stick with them when you call, you may not get straight through, just keep redialing) - I now feel more empowered to deal with what will be thrown at me when it all hits the fan. I live in a small Cornish village where EVERYONE knows everyone so life will be hell and I have thought about moving too or getting him to move so it is dealt with in another court but I have been advised it won't matter, it will be still be broadcast locally if the media gets hold of it.
Remember that your Husbands actions are HIS issues and reflect on him and not you. You never asked for this to be happening to you in a million years. Be kind to yourself my lovely and use this forum and the helpline to get you through it.
You are still very very early days into this devastation happening to you. The sheer panic you are probably feeling is totally normal and I can assure you I had all of the questions and worries plus about another 500 since the knock happened. We are now nearly 5 months in and still waiting on an outcome to it all. I never thought I'd make it this far at the start and I genuinely thought my life was over but do you know what, this forum has been amazing. The advice and wise words of the people here have genuinely got me through, along with the wonderful non-judgemental help from the helpline (stick with them when you call, you may not get straight through, just keep redialing) - I now feel more empowered to deal with what will be thrown at me when it all hits the fan. I live in a small Cornish village where EVERYONE knows everyone so life will be hell and I have thought about moving too or getting him to move so it is dealt with in another court but I have been advised it won't matter, it will be still be broadcast locally if the media gets hold of it.
Remember that your Husbands actions are HIS issues and reflect on him and not you. You never asked for this to be happening to you in a million years. Be kind to yourself my lovely and use this forum and the helpline to get you through it.
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Hi Josephine - just to let you know I had the same type of thoughts when it first happened. Now nearly 3 months in and still “under investigation”. I thought about him changing his name, moving etc but when I looked at news reports of people convicted, those that had changed their name were reported as “formally known as” and also “formally from” when they had moved. Your best bet is getting support and then having the strength to see it through. Once the blind panic subsides (which it will) you will be able to think a little more clearly. On this forum there are people who have chosen different courses of action, so whatever you choose there will be someone on here who can relate. Just remember it’s not your crime - you have done nothing g wrong x
Hi I hope I can give you some light as I am now at the point of the papers ect as husband is now in prison
If I could have moved sooner I would have. We had the knock in October he was on bail and then called in for another interview the day before Xmas Eve where he was charged (for downloading images) the police call this making which is hard to explain to people as they assume that he had taken them him self as the papers do not specify that making is downloading. He was then up in court for plea hearing and it was released in the local papers here and where his bail area was to. So as you can imagine we had extra pressure of people opinions as well has having to get through to the next court which ended up being moved once. Then last week the court date came and he was given prison time the first night was ok it was not in my local papers but it was released in his area one and the people share it on Facebook and before you know it's every where again.
For my experience if you know alot of people in your area and have any incline they will not support you get a fresh start if you can there are lots of people you can get help from speak to your local police officer so they are aware of what's going on because not all the time they will know because it is different departments and they could put you in contact with victim support and they have lots of things they can do for you.
As you can see even tho my husband had moved out and was having supervised visits with the children people where I live are still pointing fingers. They can't see the hard work I have done for my children and think I am a monster for letting still be a family because despite all of this he is a good father and just needs help. That is my experience any way I am now working hard at trying to move for a better start for my family x
If I could have moved sooner I would have. We had the knock in October he was on bail and then called in for another interview the day before Xmas Eve where he was charged (for downloading images) the police call this making which is hard to explain to people as they assume that he had taken them him self as the papers do not specify that making is downloading. He was then up in court for plea hearing and it was released in the local papers here and where his bail area was to. So as you can imagine we had extra pressure of people opinions as well has having to get through to the next court which ended up being moved once. Then last week the court date came and he was given prison time the first night was ok it was not in my local papers but it was released in his area one and the people share it on Facebook and before you know it's every where again.
For my experience if you know alot of people in your area and have any incline they will not support you get a fresh start if you can there are lots of people you can get help from speak to your local police officer so they are aware of what's going on because not all the time they will know because it is different departments and they could put you in contact with victim support and they have lots of things they can do for you.
As you can see even tho my husband had moved out and was having supervised visits with the children people where I live are still pointing fingers. They can't see the hard work I have done for my children and think I am a monster for letting still be a family because despite all of this he is a good father and just needs help. That is my experience any way I am now working hard at trying to move for a better start for my family x
Overwhelmed by all your wise words and kindness - thank you so so much
I am so torn between ending our relationship now and just taking each day as it comes. Trying to strike a balance between allowing me to feel everyone as it hits me and planning for my future.
J x
I am so torn between ending our relationship now and just taking each day as it comes. Trying to strike a balance between allowing me to feel everyone as it hits me and planning for my future.
J x
* feel everything not feel everyone - oops!
I didn’t know the report the original address. That scares me a bit as I never thought like that when my husband doesn’t live there anymore.
do the also report the door number? Obviously I am still a way from court. Though the invesgative officer said the wait is currently 4 weeks for his computer equipment,
do the also report the door number? Obviously I am still a way from court. Though the invesgative officer said the wait is currently 4 weeks for his computer equipment,
Josephine.
its your decision about your relationship, it’s hard when your in shock to process anything so being on here must help. Some relationships come through stronger. And the men learn not to take their partners forgranted. This is what my husband can’t do. It takes bravery to speak up and survive the shame.
its your decision about your relationship, it’s hard when your in shock to process anything so being on here must help. Some relationships come through stronger. And the men learn not to take their partners forgranted. This is what my husband can’t do. It takes bravery to speak up and survive the shame.
My husband name and address was printed in the local paper. Not the house number. Then Facebook went mad. It was a horrible distressing time . We left for a couple of days then returned home. I put my big girl pants on.... Got out there and faced the world. I was prepared for pretty much anything anyone would throw at me. I'm still waiting n two months have passed. The worst I've had is staring and obviously talking about me but I just hold my head up high and ignore them. I'm not going to say it has been easy ,especially the school playground twice a day, but I've done it! My hubby still won't go outside unless we are away from where we live but I'm hoping he will find the strength soon.
I've lost friends but have also found New ones ! And obviously every man and his dog have an opinion. But I'm much stronger and if I don't want to listen i dont.
We are very strong. Much stronger than we think. And that is why WE will all survive. Xx
I've lost friends but have also found New ones ! And obviously every man and his dog have an opinion. But I'm much stronger and if I don't want to listen i dont.
We are very strong. Much stronger than we think. And that is why WE will all survive. Xx
Oh sad sad, it was so heartening to hear what you said. Thanks x
A brilliant post Sad Sad. Proud of you!
Sad Sad - I hope I can do this when the time comes I really do. Well done you for being so strong. Must try to find bigger pants than the ones I wear already!!! ha!
The press are sneaky! I have actually been involved in trying to change what the press can print.
My husband moved out before he went to court and my full address was in papers locally, nationally and online. I had 2 very young children in the home with me. My kids were at risk because my address was printed. The press weren't there at his first appearance but they can get a copy of the cases outcomes from other sources. The only exception is if it is in a closed court. First sentencing again no press but lo and behold it was on the front page. Final sentencing, it was deferred for psychiatric reports, every gruesome detail was printed. The number of images, what was in the images everything. Wording is also often very poor. The press will say that they "have taken or permitted to have taken indecent images of children". It will be made to look as bad as it can be. My husbands headline was absolutely disgusting and 100% untrue but it sold papers. I managed to get the online heading removed by contacting the paper directly. They refused to remove the article or the address but accepted the headline was slander.
Neighbours shouted, I was threatened and people stood outside my home. It was horrible. Even though he was in prison people still waited. It took me 3 years to leave the area when one threat scared me so much. Sadly social media is there and someone linked my new address to the online story. I don't know who or how but they did. Police cannot do anything about it.
The story is still there, even though I wasnt involved my name is in the comment section, how disgusting I am etc. I don't use social media anymore. So now we are all moving together, very far from where it took place and a change of name.
In my opinion from the day the knock comes moving to avoid the papers is impossible. Hold your head up high, ignore as much as you can. Do not read the paper, believe me you wont want to know.
My husband moved out before he went to court and my full address was in papers locally, nationally and online. I had 2 very young children in the home with me. My kids were at risk because my address was printed. The press weren't there at his first appearance but they can get a copy of the cases outcomes from other sources. The only exception is if it is in a closed court. First sentencing again no press but lo and behold it was on the front page. Final sentencing, it was deferred for psychiatric reports, every gruesome detail was printed. The number of images, what was in the images everything. Wording is also often very poor. The press will say that they "have taken or permitted to have taken indecent images of children". It will be made to look as bad as it can be. My husbands headline was absolutely disgusting and 100% untrue but it sold papers. I managed to get the online heading removed by contacting the paper directly. They refused to remove the article or the address but accepted the headline was slander.
Neighbours shouted, I was threatened and people stood outside my home. It was horrible. Even though he was in prison people still waited. It took me 3 years to leave the area when one threat scared me so much. Sadly social media is there and someone linked my new address to the online story. I don't know who or how but they did. Police cannot do anything about it.
The story is still there, even though I wasnt involved my name is in the comment section, how disgusting I am etc. I don't use social media anymore. So now we are all moving together, very far from where it took place and a change of name.
In my opinion from the day the knock comes moving to avoid the papers is impossible. Hold your head up high, ignore as much as you can. Do not read the paper, believe me you wont want to know.
Sally blue,
this scares me. I am beginning to think I need to move house urgently. My fear is I have only been in my house for 12 months so may struggle to break even with the current house prices. Why is it acceptable for the press to print addresses,
what a complete stress for you. Well done for fighting for changes. Should I email my local mp?
If the police arrest 500 people a month this must impact loads of families.
this scares me. I am beginning to think I need to move house urgently. My fear is I have only been in my house for 12 months so may struggle to break even with the current house prices. Why is it acceptable for the press to print addresses,
what a complete stress for you. Well done for fighting for changes. Should I email my local mp?
If the police arrest 500 people a month this must impact loads of families.
I must admit I moved really quickly on selling up and moving because of that very reason.
I've moved house and am only about 2 miles away as I have elderly parents who got really upset at the thought of me going too far from them.
My neighbours aren't very friendly and I haven't gone out of my way so they don't even know my name so if it does come out I'm okay in my house but if course I'm not looking forward to shopping locally so may go further afield for a while
It's really individual but i don't have any regrets
Xx
I've moved house and am only about 2 miles away as I have elderly parents who got really upset at the thought of me going too far from them.
My neighbours aren't very friendly and I haven't gone out of my way so they don't even know my name so if it does come out I'm okay in my house but if course I'm not looking forward to shopping locally so may go further afield for a while
It's really individual but i don't have any regrets
Xx
BethLou, you could email your MP but some can be un sympathetic. It depends on the size of where you live and what media stories are around. It could go unreported in the press of have a brief court file with his name, town and offence.
You could contact the helpline see if there are local organisations that can help. Families Outside and my local advocacy service acted on my behalf.
It is a very frightening situation but you can get through it. You will be at your lowest point at the moment, the fear takes over but you can get through it I promise.
You could contact the helpline see if there are local organisations that can help. Families Outside and my local advocacy service acted on my behalf.
It is a very frightening situation but you can get through it. You will be at your lowest point at the moment, the fear takes over but you can get through it I promise.