Left him today
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So today we were sent the evidence prior to him going to magistrates on Thursday..... Wow, didn't expect what I read. Need less to say we are now seperates. 28 years of marriage down the pan for a quick thrill. He has lied for 16weeks after arrested and told me 'he didn't remember what was it the chats'........ Total bullshit from what I've read in the evidence.
I have 2 grown up daughters who's lives have been shattered. What the absolute xxxx
How do I even contemplate life on my own after 30 years with a fabulous husband and dad
I have 2 grown up daughters who's lives have been shattered. What the absolute xxxx
How do I even contemplate life on my own after 30 years with a fabulous husband and dad
Lee1969, you have helped me try and understand this nightmare more than anyone, and I thank you so much for it. I just felt numb. I kind of knew this was coming, but so wanted to trust my husband . I am very lucky I have my girls for support now.
It's so bloody difficult though, coz I truly love my husband, I just cant ever trust him. My heart is well and truly broken. First time in 28 years I've taken my wedding ring off
It's so bloody difficult though, coz I truly love my husband, I just cant ever trust him. My heart is well and truly broken. First time in 28 years I've taken my wedding ring off
Lee1969, wish I could could meet you and give you a hug xx thank you. I know its going to be hard now and I will certainly be contacting support groups for help xxx thank you
I'm so sorry to hear that MW. I can't give any advice all I can do is admire your strength and pray for you. It really doesn't make any sense why they would lie when inevitably the truth will come out.
Sending all my love x
Sending all my love x
Oh MW I'm so sorry.
As you may know I am a few months behind you with similar offences to what your husband had said/been charged with. My husband mercifully has been honest from the start and it's the only thing that has helped.
Im so so sorry this is the case for you, but I hugely admire your strength and self respect to step away now after learning the truth. Lean on those around you and I know you will be OK.
Thinking of you.
As you may know I am a few months behind you with similar offences to what your husband had said/been charged with. My husband mercifully has been honest from the start and it's the only thing that has helped.
Im so so sorry this is the case for you, but I hugely admire your strength and self respect to step away now after learning the truth. Lean on those around you and I know you will be OK.
Thinking of you.
Just to send hugs. 30 years wasted.
i haven't spoke to my husband since the knock. He wouldn't speak to me and we are now not in any contact. This would have been so different if he had told me truthfully what has happened.
Us girls will get there but each day is so hard and that is not taking into account the logistics, childcare, and being absolutely exhausted
I think I will be sick in the court if/ when it goes there.
i haven't spoke to my husband since the knock. He wouldn't speak to me and we are now not in any contact. This would have been so different if he had told me truthfully what has happened.
Us girls will get there but each day is so hard and that is not taking into account the logistics, childcare, and being absolutely exhausted
I think I will be sick in the court if/ when it goes there.
Thank you so much ladies for your kind words, it really does mean alot. I am just totally heartbroken at the thought of our marriage of 28 years is over. I'm not sure how I will able to live on my own, but know its the right thing to do. It scares me so much.
I can't stop crying today. We have a zoom meeting with his solicitor later this afternoon to go through the evidence. Personally I think he will be extremely lucky if he doesn't get a custodial sentence.
I can't stop crying today. We have a zoom meeting with his solicitor later this afternoon to go through the evidence. Personally I think he will be extremely lucky if he doesn't get a custodial sentence.
Hi, really feel for you, I left my husband after it all came out over social media threw a online vigilante group 18months ago, I would have honestly much preferred the knock over that anyday but it happened and I'm surviving, we had been together 20 years and I didn't see it changing until that moment, you will get threw this, it takes time to learn to live on your own again, I'm a mum to three and over night became a single parent and sole provider for them but I've done it and I see them happy and content with our new life set up and this has made me feel proud and happy in the choices I made. Give yourself lots of time and learn to love yourself, it's amazing how you rediscover who you are and how your individual personality grows. I'm finally at a place that I'm ready to seek a divorce and move forward with my own life happiness, I'm not ready for a relationship with anyone yet as I feel I need to know the outcome of his case so I'm not in limbo of the truth so I can be truthful of my past and not need the support of a partner when it finally goes to court, I have my friends and family behind me 100% good luck with your journey and remember you never asked for this, you are now number one and you deserve to be happy in life not have this haunt your success xx
Thinking of you xx I've followed your story and was so sad and angry on your behalf when you wrote that he'd been lying to you. It's too much on top of everything else. It is such a hard step to decide to seperate - leaving all those memories and future plans. But we have shown how strong we can be and we can do this. Since seperating with my husband I have reconnected with a few friends I had hardly spoken to for years and rediscovered a side of myself that I'd almost forgotten. It will be different to the life I imagined but it can be made good xx
I am so so sorry, I was married to my first husband for 30 years, it was an abusive marriage, one day I just left, it was a different situation, but it is possible to live again, it feels now like you won't cope but you will its a day by day thing you will have good days and bad days but you will survive and will get there,I am sending you all my love
So solicitor is expecting a custodial sentence and said he will be lucky to get suspended.
At the moment he hasn't moved out, he works from home and his parents just don't have the room for him. Its like living a weird dream... He's here, he's acting normally..... But then reality hits. I am so deeply unhappy for him, for me, for the life we had and was planning but more unhappy our daughters know.
Plea hearing tomorrow and crown court on 7th October (5 days after our 28th wedding anniversary!)
I will of course keep you all updated xx
At the moment he hasn't moved out, he works from home and his parents just don't have the room for him. Its like living a weird dream... He's here, he's acting normally..... But then reality hits. I am so deeply unhappy for him, for me, for the life we had and was planning but more unhappy our daughters know.
Plea hearing tomorrow and crown court on 7th October (5 days after our 28th wedding anniversary!)
I will of course keep you all updated xx
Mw.. I'm so sorry for your turmoil, mine is similar, he still in the house, seperate rooms, 30yrs together.
Solicitor thinks non custodial but poss suspended sentance.Our boys have stopped all contact with him. He has lost everyone. I see the pain in him everyday every minute but then I step back and think HE did this.. and I still feel sick. BUT.. 30 yrs of loving someone isn't easy to switch off. That's what hurts as well. I won't see him homeless or in a bail hostel,crown next week.. for sentancing, taking it a day at a time.and have been for 2.5yrs That's all I can do. I wish you well Mw.. and I hope you like all of us get through to the other side of this nightmare they have forced us into. My heart goes out to you. X
Solicitor thinks non custodial but poss suspended sentance.Our boys have stopped all contact with him. He has lost everyone. I see the pain in him everyday every minute but then I step back and think HE did this.. and I still feel sick. BUT.. 30 yrs of loving someone isn't easy to switch off. That's what hurts as well. I won't see him homeless or in a bail hostel,crown next week.. for sentancing, taking it a day at a time.and have been for 2.5yrs That's all I can do. I wish you well Mw.. and I hope you like all of us get through to the other side of this nightmare they have forced us into. My heart goes out to you. X
Thank you staffy, that's the thing that hurts me so much is seeing him a totally broken man. I have told him that once he is sentenced (hopefully suspended) he will have to look for a flat. I don't want to cut all ties with him, I still deeply love him and truly want to believe he will never be tempted down this route again.
He has downloaded the accountability to you app today, so at least i have some piece of mind his devices are being monitored.
I would hope that we can live with some kind of new normal in the furure, but it can never be the same again. It's just so sad that not only do we have the utter shock at what they have done, but we gave to grieve for the marriage we thought we had.
Keep me posted on what is happening with you xx our stories are very similar xx I will be thinking of you on his court date and prey you get the right outcome for you xxxx big hugs
He has downloaded the accountability to you app today, so at least i have some piece of mind his devices are being monitored.
I would hope that we can live with some kind of new normal in the furure, but it can never be the same again. It's just so sad that not only do we have the utter shock at what they have done, but we gave to grieve for the marriage we thought we had.
Keep me posted on what is happening with you xx our stories are very similar xx I will be thinking of you on his court date and prey you get the right outcome for you xxxx big hugs
I'm so sorry to hear this. I don't normally comment, I just read and read as I am still in shock myself. The lies and deceit are the last straw. I wish you strength for the future, look after yourself and your girls, his fate is written on the cards xx
Mw. My ex also lied to me for 18 months after the knock. Told me it must be a mistake or possibly at the worse a couple 16 or 17 year olds that he thought were older. I asked him to tell me the truth and said if he lied we were over. I spent 18 horrendous months supervising contact, avoiding people, planning how we'd live afterwards if it was 16/17 years olds with criminal.record and SOR. That was bad enough to try to deal with. Turned out if was thousands of images and much much younger.
What he did was horrendous enough but to lie to us and put us through more hell on earth! Total betrayal.
It took me a long time and I don't think I'll ever fully get over it and my distrust of everything is very extreme but the raw shock and bewilderment has gone.
The shock of the knock was nothing compared to the shock of finding out he was a complete and total liar. Deception for over a year. Made me question everything else about our relationship, what else was a lie? I honestly didn't think I woukd survive it..I was floored and had no concept of how to deal with it.
No explanations about stress, rabbit holes, self confidence etc can ever justify the lies.
I know it's not nice but sometimes I want his life to be really miserable because he has caused so much misery and anxiety and near breakdowns to me and my daughter by his lies. I'm fighting those feelings because it's not healthy for me.
At first I desperately tried to find a way we could stay friends, how I could help him, worried about him but now I never want see him again. The though repulsed me.
Whatever you decide it will get better. The shock will subside and you will find the strength to do what's right for you Xx
What he did was horrendous enough but to lie to us and put us through more hell on earth! Total betrayal.
It took me a long time and I don't think I'll ever fully get over it and my distrust of everything is very extreme but the raw shock and bewilderment has gone.
The shock of the knock was nothing compared to the shock of finding out he was a complete and total liar. Deception for over a year. Made me question everything else about our relationship, what else was a lie? I honestly didn't think I woukd survive it..I was floored and had no concept of how to deal with it.
No explanations about stress, rabbit holes, self confidence etc can ever justify the lies.
I know it's not nice but sometimes I want his life to be really miserable because he has caused so much misery and anxiety and near breakdowns to me and my daughter by his lies. I'm fighting those feelings because it's not healthy for me.
At first I desperately tried to find a way we could stay friends, how I could help him, worried about him but now I never want see him again. The though repulsed me.
Whatever you decide it will get better. The shock will subside and you will find the strength to do what's right for you Xx
Nemesis.
I too feel like I wasted years of my life living a lie. Worse still years of my daughter's precious childhood years. Can't look back on them.with happy memories because he is in those memories. I hate him for that.
I don't know how long he was doing it for, as far back as his computer so evey single memory with him makes me feel sick.
At least he isn't my daughter's father.
I suppose we have to look forward and not back. Easy said than done I know but we've done nothing wrong and I get my motivation from thinking I'm not going to let him take anything else away from us.
X
I too feel like I wasted years of my life living a lie. Worse still years of my daughter's precious childhood years. Can't look back on them.with happy memories because he is in those memories. I hate him for that.
I don't know how long he was doing it for, as far back as his computer so evey single memory with him makes me feel sick.
At least he isn't my daughter's father.
I suppose we have to look forward and not back. Easy said than done I know but we've done nothing wrong and I get my motivation from thinking I'm not going to let him take anything else away from us.
X