Leaving your area
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Hi. Has anyone with kids that are still at high school or about to start left the area they live in and started over?
Its something I need to think about but im just not sure what effect it would have on the kids and how they would cope having to start a new school with no friends etc
Thanks
Its something I need to think about but im just not sure what effect it would have on the kids and how they would cope having to start a new school with no friends etc
Thanks
Thank you so much.
Since it all happened last week we have had some awful visits from social work and now child protection.
They are making my husband leave the home practically immediately and have been interviewing my children.
I just honestly don't know if I can cope with this .
Since it all happened last week we have had some awful visits from social work and now child protection.
They are making my husband leave the home practically immediately and have been interviewing my children.
I just honestly don't know if I can cope with this .
He was arrested, charged and bailed with indent images/video. 1 cat A video and 18 Cat C images so far.
He was bailed to our home address with no unsupervised contact with the kids.
Ss have said that they are no happy with this and if he doesn't leave the home the kids will get out on a Child Protection Plan and they wokld even consider raising a Child Protection order.
The video concerned is of a girl around the same age as our daughter and looks very similar to her.
He has admitted to looking at adult porn in Kik whatever that is and then clicking on the folders and that is where these images of children have come from. He swears he hasn't intentionally looked for stuff with children. I can't prove that either way.
Police told us that they think it will take 4-6 months for his 2 mobile phones to be looked at properly.
He was bailed to our home address with no unsupervised contact with the kids.
Ss have said that they are no happy with this and if he doesn't leave the home the kids will get out on a Child Protection Plan and they wokld even consider raising a Child Protection order.
The video concerned is of a girl around the same age as our daughter and looks very similar to her.
He has admitted to looking at adult porn in Kik whatever that is and then clicking on the folders and that is where these images of children have come from. He swears he hasn't intentionally looked for stuff with children. I can't prove that either way.
Police told us that they think it will take 4-6 months for his 2 mobile phones to be looked at properly.
Thank you. He's been released on bail. He has to have no unsupervised contact with any child 16 and under. My children fall into that category which is why social services are saying that he has to leave the home because I obviously can't take the children to the toilet with me etc because they are 10 and 15.
Thank you so much for all of your advice. I will take to a family lawyer ASAP.
I really appreciate the support
I really appreciate the support
Hi Ash,
just wanted to reply to you as my husband was under investigation and then charged with a similar number of images (9 in total) and I have children of a similar age. He wasn't allowed to live in the family home at all when he was bailed, nor allowed any unsupervised contact with our children. SS then pretty much left us alone once they were happy we were adhering to this.
After a SS assessment, he was allowed to return home after his court appearance and has unsupervised access to our children - and SS were actually very supportive in the end. This may not however be what you want long term.
Don't make any big decisions. Take your time....
love xx
just wanted to reply to you as my husband was under investigation and then charged with a similar number of images (9 in total) and I have children of a similar age. He wasn't allowed to live in the family home at all when he was bailed, nor allowed any unsupervised contact with our children. SS then pretty much left us alone once they were happy we were adhering to this.
After a SS assessment, he was allowed to return home after his court appearance and has unsupervised access to our children - and SS were actually very supportive in the end. This may not however be what you want long term.
Don't make any big decisions. Take your time....
love xx
Thank you for reply. I'm obviously doing what social services want and hopefully they will back off a bit.
Can I ask what happened in court with your husband. What punishment did he get? Did it get reported?
Im absolutely terrified on a daily basis and can't see a way out of this
Can I ask what happened in court with your husband. What punishment did he get? Did it get reported?
Im absolutely terrified on a daily basis and can't see a way out of this
Thank you so much. I hope I can be as brave as you when the times comes. X
Hi Ash, my husband got a two year suspended sentence. I didn't go to court. It was reported in the paper in the town that he was staying in (he was staying with a friend) but not in our local paper so I still don't think people know. It was the most horrendous time but things do get better....
BelleBee, that so good to hear. I've no idea what to do moving forward. I'm just worried about so many things.
I think if my kids were much younger then I would probably get up and run but it's not as easy when they have established friendships, school etc.
God it's a mess
I think if my kids were much younger then I would probably get up and run but it's not as easy when they have established friendships, school etc.
God it's a mess
Sorry. Another question.
If he ends up on the SOR, will he ever be allowed to live at home with me and the children?
If he ends up on the SOR, will he ever be allowed to live at home with me and the children?
Ash - sorry I should have added that yes, my husband is on the SOR and has a SHPO (both for ten years) and he is allowed to live at home. We have a safety plan in place. No SS involvement now and no restrictions on his contact with our children. He was however assessed and deemed very low risk of any contact offence and it was a one off event in that it was just a few minutes one evening! He didn't go looking again.
Thanks for your replies.
Things have been horrendous today.
Social work went into my daughters school and basically told her that the reasons the are worried about her is because her dad is attracted to little girls and they are worried that he will do something to her. I can't believe this.
How is that fair or right? She is traumatised and I'm left to pick up the pieces!
I just want to get out of here. Not sure how much more I can take.
Things have been horrendous today.
Social work went into my daughters school and basically told her that the reasons the are worried about her is because her dad is attracted to little girls and they are worried that he will do something to her. I can't believe this.
How is that fair or right? She is traumatised and I'm left to pick up the pieces!
I just want to get out of here. Not sure how much more I can take.
1 video class A and 18 class C images accessed on kik.
The video apparently showed a child around the same age as my daughter
The video apparently showed a child around the same age as my daughter
It was my daughter who is 11.
It was 1 social worker and nobody else present. She did tell me she was going into the speak to her again but I certainly didn't realise that she was going to be so explicit and detailed with her!
Police haven't said he is a risk to her but his bail conditions do state no unsupervised contact with under 16s.
The knock only came last week so surely the Social Work and Police etc have to assess whether he is a risk or not!
Im just devastated. I can't cope with this.
It was 1 social worker and nobody else present. She did tell me she was going into the speak to her again but I certainly didn't realise that she was going to be so explicit and detailed with her!
Police haven't said he is a risk to her but his bail conditions do state no unsupervised contact with under 16s.
The knock only came last week so surely the Social Work and Police etc have to assess whether he is a risk or not!
Im just devastated. I can't cope with this.
Thank you.
i told them that I have spoken to my daughter and explained to her that dad has done something very bad online- he looked at something where an adult did something very wrong to a child. I felt that was all she needed to know.
They got their information from the police.
Im just horrified of the language they used and that they actually told her that her dad like girls that look like her!
I will try and call around for some advice tomorrow. I will also make sure that a teacher or someone is present if they want to talk to her again.
My daughter is so upset and I've tried explaining to her that they are just doing their job etc. They have painted him out to be a bad man that is likely to do something to her and now she's terrified.
Dont know how to support her. She's broken
i told them that I have spoken to my daughter and explained to her that dad has done something very bad online- he looked at something where an adult did something very wrong to a child. I felt that was all she needed to know.
They got their information from the police.
Im just horrified of the language they used and that they actually told her that her dad like girls that look like her!
I will try and call around for some advice tomorrow. I will also make sure that a teacher or someone is present if they want to talk to her again.
My daughter is so upset and I've tried explaining to her that they are just doing their job etc. They have painted him out to be a bad man that is likely to do something to her and now she's terrified.
Dont know how to support her. She's broken
You have no idea how much I appreciate your help. I am so alone right now.
She was totally fine before they spoke to her today. She was coping really well. She now just looks ill and consumed with fear, disbelief, I don't know what.
Her school have been very good but I will call them again tomorrow because I'm so worried about her now
She was totally fine before they spoke to her today. She was coping really well. She now just looks ill and consumed with fear, disbelief, I don't know what.
Her school have been very good but I will call them again tomorrow because I'm so worried about her now
Thank you so so much. I'm crying now too!
Thank you.
Ive just joined Netmums.
My username is Ash C(2)
Ive just joined Netmums.
My username is Ash C(2)
That's weird. I did activate it so I'm not sure what's wrong. I'll go and have a look
No idea what I'm doing wrong on Netmums! I've tried the app and the website and when I try to message using a username from this site I just can't find anyone.
What an idiot I am! Thank you!
What an idiot I am! Thank you!
Ok. Sorted I think.
Username is AshC2
Username is AshC2
Thank you Lost123.
I just can't take the risk of staying around here and it making the press.
Im so scared that my kids wouldn't cope with a move and losing friends.
Did you move far? Are you now separated from your partner?
I just can't take the risk of staying around here and it making the press.
Im so scared that my kids wouldn't cope with a move and losing friends.
Did you move far? Are you now separated from your partner?
I was thinking about looking into a forensic psychologist.
How did your children adapt to living in a new area, friends, school etc?
How did your children adapt to living in a new area, friends, school etc?
Hi Ash,
I'm so sorry social services have been so cruel to your daughter. You may have already done so, after speaking with others/a solicitor but I'd recommend the following if you can.
Email the socal worker outlining what your daughter has shared with you about their discussion in school.
Ask the social worker to clarify exactly what was said.
Explain your concerns about her emotional state as a direct result of this choice. Ask her to explain, if she did, why she shared this information with your daughter as it's potentially extremely damaging for not only her emotional state, but body image and sexual developement at a key stage of developement. (I personally would state that is information I wouldn't have shared in the future, even if it was indeed proven, as your daughter does not need such explicit and potentially damaging information to understand the situation).
I would mention in your email that you consider it your responsibilty to safeguard your daughters emotional wellbeing and not just their physical safety and that social services seem to have failed to grasp this essential concept. You could use this to explain a request for a new social worker as someone else suggested
If she denies saying these things to your daughter, you could ask her to come see your daughter with you present to clarify exactly what she meant in better terminology. You could go over exactly what will be disclosed with the social worker beforehand or ask another trusted adult to be present if you cannot face this yourself.
I'd also request social services source counselling for your daughter to directly address the distress they have caused. You could contact STOPSO to try source counselling yoursel. They offered funded sessions for my daughter.
My youngest daughter is also 11 and whilst I was fortunate to have a very positive experience with ss, the police were incredibly unkind when they interviewed her. It was my son, her older brother who was arrested, also with reference to him being a danger to her and therefore deeply distressing for her. The impact was evident for several months and she lost a lot of confidence but she DID get through it and returned to her confident self.
I, like you, trusted the authorities to be sensitive and only operate in the best interests of my child and when they failed to do so I complained to the police and laid out clear boundaries for interacting with my children including it being in their own home and myself being present. They never spoke to them again despite wanting to.
Don't be afraid to stand up for what you know is right for your child. Be open to discussion and different perspectives but if you give clear logical reasons and are being protective then you aren't doing anything wrong!
Sorry for the essay! Sending love x
I'm so sorry social services have been so cruel to your daughter. You may have already done so, after speaking with others/a solicitor but I'd recommend the following if you can.
Email the socal worker outlining what your daughter has shared with you about their discussion in school.
Ask the social worker to clarify exactly what was said.
Explain your concerns about her emotional state as a direct result of this choice. Ask her to explain, if she did, why she shared this information with your daughter as it's potentially extremely damaging for not only her emotional state, but body image and sexual developement at a key stage of developement. (I personally would state that is information I wouldn't have shared in the future, even if it was indeed proven, as your daughter does not need such explicit and potentially damaging information to understand the situation).
I would mention in your email that you consider it your responsibilty to safeguard your daughters emotional wellbeing and not just their physical safety and that social services seem to have failed to grasp this essential concept. You could use this to explain a request for a new social worker as someone else suggested
If she denies saying these things to your daughter, you could ask her to come see your daughter with you present to clarify exactly what she meant in better terminology. You could go over exactly what will be disclosed with the social worker beforehand or ask another trusted adult to be present if you cannot face this yourself.
I'd also request social services source counselling for your daughter to directly address the distress they have caused. You could contact STOPSO to try source counselling yoursel. They offered funded sessions for my daughter.
My youngest daughter is also 11 and whilst I was fortunate to have a very positive experience with ss, the police were incredibly unkind when they interviewed her. It was my son, her older brother who was arrested, also with reference to him being a danger to her and therefore deeply distressing for her. The impact was evident for several months and she lost a lot of confidence but she DID get through it and returned to her confident self.
I, like you, trusted the authorities to be sensitive and only operate in the best interests of my child and when they failed to do so I complained to the police and laid out clear boundaries for interacting with my children including it being in their own home and myself being present. They never spoke to them again despite wanting to.
Don't be afraid to stand up for what you know is right for your child. Be open to discussion and different perspectives but if you give clear logical reasons and are being protective then you aren't doing anything wrong!
Sorry for the essay! Sending love x