Family and Friends Forum

So we are now nearly 7 months in.... Crown Court date middle October. I have decided to stick by my husband as I truly believe he got sucked into the dark world of Internet chat rooms. My family have told me all along "we are here for yoy/we want to support you", that was until they realised I wasn't doing what they wanted.... To leave him. I'm now in the position where I'm having to choose between my husband and my family (mum, dad, sister, brother in law and nieces). I have been open and honest with them right from the start, and I've told them I'm literally hanging on by my fingertips from having a mental breakdown but they still keep guilt tripping me...... Nieces have needed counselling, mum can't sleep, having palpatations, how can I stay with such a monster, he's a paedophile...... I just can't take anymore. Husband was charged with communication, no pics, no arranging to meet, just stupid chat. He has completed on line courses, Lucy faithful foundation and private counselling, we are starting couples counselling this week, he has downloaded the accountabity to you app. I have no reason to believe he was ever attracted to young girls and no reason to believe he would ever do this again.

I don't know what to do for the best. I am not going to be pressured into leaving my husband just so it suits my family, but it hurts me so much they can cut me out like this. They are now making me feel like I am guilty just by staying with him.

Thank you Lee and Dawn, that's what I keep telling myself. They would rather I sit in a house, on my own, lonely and unhappy than try and salvage a 30 year relationship.

My nieces are 15 and 13. They have known about my husband right from the start because I had to declare to PO we would usually have contact with them, so SS phoned my sister. She told them that she would always trust my husband and would NEVER think twice about him harming them. My sister basically told me that she has talked openly about it to my nieces as she "wasn't going to lie to them". The eldest niece had a meltdown at school the other day and my sister was called in. Initially my sister said it was due to my father in laws sudden death, then a few days later my dad was taken into A&E (released home after a couple of hours) but obviously when my sister was talking to the school she told them about my husband. The school now feel it's appropriate to provide counselling for both girls!

I just feel like they are constantly using me as their emotional punchbag, I'm staying with him so I'm condoning his actions. They see everything very black and white - he has communicated with a child, so that immediately makes him a paedophile. My mother has even asked me how I would feel if we were go on holiday and we are around a swimming pool with children!!

I have tried to explain to them that's not the case but they're very blinkered.

My family know that if they push me too far I will just back away and not see them, and that's exactly what I'm doing. I would only ever see them once or twice a week anyway, and I have pointed out the fact that I never expected them to see my husband ever again, so whether I'm with him or not makes no difference in their lives. It's just so hurtful they would act like this.

Lee1969, that's the conclusion I've come to. I really think, with counselling, me and hubbie can give our marriage a fresh start and a boot ip the backside it probably needed.

I'm sad to say that if I have to choose between my husband or my family, my happiness comes first and I'll just distance myself from my family.

We have 2 grown up daughters, they know what is happening with their dad and I couldn't be prouder at just how level headed and supportive they are being. I won't involve them in the fall out with my family, at the end of the day it's still their grandparents, aunty and cousins, they are old enough to make their own decisions. I'm sure it won't beong before one of them calls my daughters to tell them what they think, but that's their choice and I'm confident my daughters will tell them to back off.

As if any of us need any extra pressure and worries!!!

Ha ha your household sounds very much like mine.... You all clearly have a good sense of humour. That's how 1 of our daughter copes, she makes jokes about it and that helps lighten the mood.

You really are my inspiration in all of this mess, you have been through hell and come out the other side in a stronger relationship with the ones around you who really matter....... My hero xx

Small update - I received 2 texts on Tuesday, 1 from my sister and 1 from my mum both of which saying they have to walk away and not have anymore contact with me because I have decided to stay with my husband. Utterly devasted to say the least but I have to respect their decision. So it's just little 'ol me now and my fabulously supportive daughters.... Pulling my big girl pants up and cracking on with life now, although we have crown court on Tuesday (hoping for suspended sentence). Watch thus space x

This site has given me so much support. It helps that everyone is in similar situations, so totally gets your thoughts, emotions, outbursts and the roller-coaster of a crappy ride this is. My family see things very black and white and brandish the 'P' word round as much as they can. I can't help it if they don't want to educate themselves or take the time to listen to me, they just think I'm brushing everything under the carpet and downplaying everything.

Orchid94 thank you so very much for sending your support, unfortunately it was put back to this Friday instead, we'll I say unfortunately but it will hopefully work in our favour as the barrister wants to discuss with the prosecution the case prior to court. We are hopefully the more serious charge will be dropped back down to what CPS originally stated.

I will let you know how we get on xx

Lolamoo73, so yesterday was yet another plea hearing because he pleaded not guilty to an amended charge. His barrister has now advised he pleads guilty to it! He has his sentencing at the end of November and barrister has said he will be extremely lucky to get a suspended sentence, so we need to prepare for custodial.

I am exactly the same, everything hit me yesterday and now I'm so scared for the future. There was a press officer in court yesterday, so I'm only presuming he noted what date the sentencing date is and will attend that too. I really don't know what to do for the best at the moment, I feel sick to the stomach.

Hi Lee, yes there is a huge difference in charges. Its so very tenuous how they have interpret the messages, coz in my eyes he hasn't done what he has pled guilty to. He absolutely needs to be punished for what he has done, but feels a little unjust for something he hasn't.