Shocked and confused
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I found this website recently via Victim Support who I contacted myself. Back in April this year myself and my children were awoken at 6am by banging on the door. My teen daughter heard it and came to me worried. So I checked out of the window to find about 7 police officers there telling me they were looking for my husband. Obviously I answered the door to have them barge in informing me before the door closed behind them all why they were here. They had evidence that my husband had uploaded an indecent image of a young girl who appeared be be no older than 12-14years old. This was done from a Snapchat account connected to his email address and his date of birth was used. They also traced the activity to my home IP address. He wasn't here. Officers went to his work to arrest him whilst others were at the family home searching for his devices. They had my phone off me which they went through and handed back to me once they were satisfied that I hadn't been doing what they were arresting my husband for. Police questioned my 2 teenage daughters to establish whether or not he had been inappropriate to them which he hasn't been and he's also not harmed any of my other children. Social services were naturally called in for a family assessment and my husband was released on bail with conditions not to live in the family home. I'm not supporting him there's too much evidence against him to plead him as innocent. I have reason to believe he is absolutely guilty. We were offered no support as a family. Social services have closed the case on the family as the allocated social worker is aware of the fact that I have blocked contact from my husband and filed for divorce. I just feel shocked and disgusted with what he has done. Only one of my 5 children is his biological child she is 5years old. How do I tell her she won't see her father for a long time?
Hello Miss Raspberry,
Thank you for reaching out for support on the Family and Friends forum. I noticed that you have not yet received any reply to your post, which hopefully will happen soon. However, in the meantime I thought it would be helpful to offer you some preliminary guidance.
I am sorry to hear the difficult situation that you and your family are currently in. Finding out a loved one has engaged in illegal online behaviour can come as a huge shock and leave people feeling a whole host of emotions. One of the most important things is that you look after yourself as best you can. If you have not done so already, you may find it helpful to disclose to a loved one so you are not dealing with this on your own. Additionally, I encourage you to reach out to our anonymous and confidential helpline on 0808 1000 900 to access tailored support and advice from someone independent of the situation.
You highlight questions about talking to your child regarding this, I know that others on here will be able to offer you lots of helpful tips and guidance with this, but I also encourage you to look at this section of our website https://www.stopitnow.org.uk/professionals-looking-for-advice/working-with-partners/advice-for-parents/. We are also in the final stages of developing a leaflet regarding this, and when this is uploaded on our website, I will add the link to this thread. Children can often fill in gaps in their knowledge with their imagination and worries, so one of the most important things is to talk to them about what is happening in an age-appropriate way, and ensure that they know they are loved and have not done anything wrong. Messages that I am sure you are already communicating. I also want to highlight that you can call the helpline if you have any questions or just want some general advice on how to approach this topic with your child.
I hope that this offers some guidance, and that others on the forum will be able to offer you further guidance and support from their experiences. I want to reassure you that you are not alone.
Take care,
Lucy
Thank you for reaching out for support on the Family and Friends forum. I noticed that you have not yet received any reply to your post, which hopefully will happen soon. However, in the meantime I thought it would be helpful to offer you some preliminary guidance.
I am sorry to hear the difficult situation that you and your family are currently in. Finding out a loved one has engaged in illegal online behaviour can come as a huge shock and leave people feeling a whole host of emotions. One of the most important things is that you look after yourself as best you can. If you have not done so already, you may find it helpful to disclose to a loved one so you are not dealing with this on your own. Additionally, I encourage you to reach out to our anonymous and confidential helpline on 0808 1000 900 to access tailored support and advice from someone independent of the situation.
You highlight questions about talking to your child regarding this, I know that others on here will be able to offer you lots of helpful tips and guidance with this, but I also encourage you to look at this section of our website https://www.stopitnow.org.uk/professionals-looking-for-advice/working-with-partners/advice-for-parents/. We are also in the final stages of developing a leaflet regarding this, and when this is uploaded on our website, I will add the link to this thread. Children can often fill in gaps in their knowledge with their imagination and worries, so one of the most important things is to talk to them about what is happening in an age-appropriate way, and ensure that they know they are loved and have not done anything wrong. Messages that I am sure you are already communicating. I also want to highlight that you can call the helpline if you have any questions or just want some general advice on how to approach this topic with your child.
I hope that this offers some guidance, and that others on the forum will be able to offer you further guidance and support from their experiences. I want to reassure you that you are not alone.
Take care,
Lucy