No idea what to think....
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I am 6 weeks into this.
My other post (not authorised yet) says that thought I had reconcilled what he had done.
We were just sitting in my studio discussing what other people had done and what their sentances outcome was based on what I was relaying from what I have found on here,and other resources. He started saying I had to go and live my life and maybe we see what happens in 2 years because it was going to be bad because of the amount of viewing he had done and that I shouldnt suffer the fallout that willcome with it.
I didn't get why he was saying that as he had told me he had been arrested for 20 cat Cs that had gone up to the cloud. I had interogated him myself after his arrest and he had said he had done it only a few times. And they may find that out on his devices. I had said I need to know everything because it will all come out, and I cannot be lied too. I really pushed for the truth.
When I then said 'but you said it was just a few times', the look on his face told me something. So I said 'unless you werent telling me the truth'.
He then admitted it was more than a few. Used the words 'a lot'. I couldn't look at him. I don't even know what a lot means as it was best he left my house.
I am not sure what I am meant to think. The mistruth...or lack of full disclosure, the fact he has suddenly become someone else I don't know, or that he may lie in the future, or still be lying. A lot.....what the actual hell? A few times can be rabbit hole....what does a lot mean?
I have no idea what to think, or where to go with this. This has to be one of the most isolating things in the world to go through. I literally can't talk to a soul about it.
I need some others thoughts on this. x
My other post (not authorised yet) says that thought I had reconcilled what he had done.
We were just sitting in my studio discussing what other people had done and what their sentances outcome was based on what I was relaying from what I have found on here,and other resources. He started saying I had to go and live my life and maybe we see what happens in 2 years because it was going to be bad because of the amount of viewing he had done and that I shouldnt suffer the fallout that willcome with it.
I didn't get why he was saying that as he had told me he had been arrested for 20 cat Cs that had gone up to the cloud. I had interogated him myself after his arrest and he had said he had done it only a few times. And they may find that out on his devices. I had said I need to know everything because it will all come out, and I cannot be lied too. I really pushed for the truth.
When I then said 'but you said it was just a few times', the look on his face told me something. So I said 'unless you werent telling me the truth'.
He then admitted it was more than a few. Used the words 'a lot'. I couldn't look at him. I don't even know what a lot means as it was best he left my house.
I am not sure what I am meant to think. The mistruth...or lack of full disclosure, the fact he has suddenly become someone else I don't know, or that he may lie in the future, or still be lying. A lot.....what the actual hell? A few times can be rabbit hole....what does a lot mean?
I have no idea what to think, or where to go with this. This has to be one of the most isolating things in the world to go through. I literally can't talk to a soul about it.
I need some others thoughts on this. x
Bee 73y
My heart breaks for you right now. I can't give you any advise but just know that im sending love xx
My heart breaks for you right now. I can't give you any advise but just know that im sending love xx
Hopeforthefuture thank you. I cannot deal with the isolation of all this.
He is currently in A&E as he is in a mental health crisis after this afternoon. His mum is with him. I wished he had just talked to me. Before going there. I know it might be the best place, but I feel like it is yet again something I am shut out of. We just needed to talk it out. I had to pick up my daughter from school which is why he left. It wouldn't have been appropriate to have her in the house while we were discussing it. Then next minute I find out he is in a MH crisis.
This is a long haul situation. We have to ride out the storm. As a team...
He is currently in A&E as he is in a mental health crisis after this afternoon. His mum is with him. I wished he had just talked to me. Before going there. I know it might be the best place, but I feel like it is yet again something I am shut out of. We just needed to talk it out. I had to pick up my daughter from school which is why he left. It wouldn't have been appropriate to have her in the house while we were discussing it. Then next minute I find out he is in a MH crisis.
This is a long haul situation. We have to ride out the storm. As a team...
Hello,
Six weeks is very early on this dreadful journey. It does calm. My now ex spent a number of days in a&e following his arrest. It took him about 6 months to level out and manage his emotions- he accessed counselling and is taking prescribed anti depressants. Something he should've done a long time ago! We're now 18 months in and sentencing is next month.
It does improve. Someone on here referred to the process as a snowglobe. It gets shaken then the flurry settles for a while.
For now, I recommend that he does everything possible to acknowledge his actions - Lucy Faithful helpline and the courses are extremely useful resources. These are also things that are there to help you also. The focus will be on him but do not forget about you.
It's difficult not to speculate but no two outcomes are the same. Try not to focus on any charges/sentencing. It took over my mind reading all the cases, court reports media and sentencing guidelines.
Look after yourself and keep checking in here. Everyone is so supportive and knowledgeable.
XOXO
Six weeks is very early on this dreadful journey. It does calm. My now ex spent a number of days in a&e following his arrest. It took him about 6 months to level out and manage his emotions- he accessed counselling and is taking prescribed anti depressants. Something he should've done a long time ago! We're now 18 months in and sentencing is next month.
It does improve. Someone on here referred to the process as a snowglobe. It gets shaken then the flurry settles for a while.
For now, I recommend that he does everything possible to acknowledge his actions - Lucy Faithful helpline and the courses are extremely useful resources. These are also things that are there to help you also. The focus will be on him but do not forget about you.
It's difficult not to speculate but no two outcomes are the same. Try not to focus on any charges/sentencing. It took over my mind reading all the cases, court reports media and sentencing guidelines.
Look after yourself and keep checking in here. Everyone is so supportive and knowledgeable.
XOXO
Sarah ?? thank you. I thought things had started to settle! But I suspect it will be like this often. Like you say, the snowglobe getting shaken up and then settle, only to be shaken up again.
The reality bites doesnt it...and the much speculated future. Hard not to run through the various scenarios in your head.
I love him. I cannot help it. But he can never lie or give me any abridged version of events ever again thinking it is for my benefit, or in all honestly most likely for his benefit!! It doesn't work! It just causes more damage, more issues with trust and the wound just takes longer to heal.
x
The reality bites doesnt it...and the much speculated future. Hard not to run through the various scenarios in your head.
I love him. I cannot help it. But he can never lie or give me any abridged version of events ever again thinking it is for my benefit, or in all honestly most likely for his benefit!! It doesn't work! It just causes more damage, more issues with trust and the wound just takes longer to heal.
x