Family and Friends Forum

Sadmum I'm so sorry you are feeling at breaking point. It is so much to go through.

I'm not sure if it's the same for you but on reflection I feel like when I have those moments when I say 'I can't take this any more' I actually mean 'it is so unfair that I have to deal with any of this'. It is part of the flight or fight response. But we can, and sadly we have to, take all of this horrible stuff that is dumped on us. There is nothing for it but one breath at a time and one step in front of the next.

I feel your pain and sadness and it is awfully unfair. It is unfair that even though you are strong enough to get through this. that you have to actually do just that. Thinking of you and sending strength xx

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Sadmum, I'm so sorry you feel like this and I totally understand - I am also a sad mum and a very angry one! I have a few days where I can cope with it, put it in perspective, feel hopeful for the future....and then the smallest thing can tip me into total despair. My son was unnecessarily snappy and rude to me this week I just can't deal with it; normally I would have fought back, now I'm frightened of the anger that I could unleash on him. I feel like he has no right to behave like that given what he's putting our family through and I actually feel like I hate him, my beloved son who has been the centre of my universe for 20+ years. I'm quite a tough person but this has almost broken me.

Sending you huge hugs - do something nice for yourself and remember that it's not YOU who's done wrong. You will get through this xx

Yes Lola - I too feel much like you. I get very annoyed as my boy has devestated our family which will never be the same again. But I love him / it's a very thin line I agree.

Sadmum

I am almost 2 years down the line now and I have bad days but there is some good, my anxiety is bad and I am trying my hardest to help myself.

My son sometimes talks to me as though this is my fault, the rudeness from him is horrendous, he has no consideration for what he has done to me & his family. He has gone off to university which is great, but I'm left here to remember everything . I relive that day almost everyday, the panic when someone knocks the door is absolutely awful.

Sorry said way to much just wanted to let you know we're here and totally understand what your saying. I hope you are able to reach out to someone .. sending a virtual hug x

I completely feel your pain. I joined this forum in the same place that you are. We're very early on in our journey- partner's son was only arrested 2 weeks ago- so I understand the long road ahead. Look after yourself, take time to do whatever alleviates that gnawing pain, however brief.

This place is amazing. I felt so alone, but found this forum a real life-saver.

Don't give up. You have done nothing wrong. You're not alone.

Xxx

Its heartbreaking to read all of us mums, wife's and partners in the same situation I havent posted on here before but I have spent a lot of time reading everyone's living nightmares just wanted to send a huge hug to you all xx

Reading through these messages as a daughter worried sick about my mum and my younger brother as he is likely to be facing a prison sentence, Im wondering if any of the other mums on here could give me any advice on how I can support my mum as I feel like she tries to keep stuff from me as I dont live with them at home anymore. Just feeling so useless and want to be able to say the right thing x

Just be there if she wants to talk and spend time with her, it's always worse when your alone and you start to 'think and worry' about every detail.

she's lucky to have you x

I agree, just be there for her - this is a lonely journey. My daughter was incredible in the early days and helped me keep my sanity, but is very angry with her brother and has distanced herself from him and, to a lesser extent, me - I found that heartbreaking even though I understand why. I went from crying myself to sleep at night because of my son to crying myself to sleep because I felt like I'd lost my daughter. And that made me angrier with my son. So my advice is spend time with her, tell her that she can talk to you openly if she wants to but don't put pressure on her to do so.

Sending hugs xx

Thank you both so much, I will do my best. I hope things get better for us all some day soon xxx

Oh Lola - your so close to my situation. Xxxxx