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Hey everyone,
So we're off to a wedding in few weeks... Our mutual best friend who I told a few month ago is alo attending... She knows about my husband from his first infidelity incident (7 years ago when he wa a stupid young 20 year old) to his current investigation... He's not been officially convicted or anything yet.
I haven't spoken to her since and it's been heart breaking but I've been told the best thing to do is give her time. She's going to be at the wedding and usually I would just ask if she wants a lift and what not or atleast wants to talk before hand about it but I don't know what the best course of action is ... As stupid a it sounds she hasn liked anything on my FB or Instagram when she usually would so I know that she's still processing it...
Any advice?
So we're off to a wedding in few weeks... Our mutual best friend who I told a few month ago is alo attending... She knows about my husband from his first infidelity incident (7 years ago when he wa a stupid young 20 year old) to his current investigation... He's not been officially convicted or anything yet.
I haven't spoken to her since and it's been heart breaking but I've been told the best thing to do is give her time. She's going to be at the wedding and usually I would just ask if she wants a lift and what not or atleast wants to talk before hand about it but I don't know what the best course of action is ... As stupid a it sounds she hasn liked anything on my FB or Instagram when she usually would so I know that she's still processing it...
Any advice?
Hi blackhound.
sorry ur friend is being like this. I've told two friends since the knock a year ago and luckily they didn't react the way I expected them to and have been a rock and very good confidants for me.
You can either leave her and let her carrying on processing her thoughts or what I'd probably do is send her a message and say something along the lines of hi just checking to see if u need a lift to the wedding? If she ignores u then leave it if she replies then take things slowly from there.
goodluck stay safe x
sorry ur friend is being like this. I've told two friends since the knock a year ago and luckily they didn't react the way I expected them to and have been a rock and very good confidants for me.
You can either leave her and let her carrying on processing her thoughts or what I'd probably do is send her a message and say something along the lines of hi just checking to see if u need a lift to the wedding? If she ignores u then leave it if she replies then take things slowly from there.
goodluck stay safe x
Hey Rusty and Lee..
It's ben about 2-3 months since I've told her so in the grand scheme of things it's not a long time... I told her and we communicated for about a week after. She asked some more questions to which I went away spoke to my husband and related that information back to her... She said she needed time to process everything and since then I have respected her wishes ...
I don't want either of us to lose her as a friend because she's the type of person that has always been there for me but I do totally respect her need to think about things. Also she has been very busy, or atleast was since I last spoke to her... My husband has been friends with her longer than I have and she's like a sister to us both so it'da shame for us to lose her ... Or for him to lose her ...
I'd also like to sit down and explain to her and show her that my husband has done a terrible thing and in our relationship has done things to jeopardize it in the past but is changing for the better. He's also very upfront about his guilt and accepts his need to be 'punished'... I want to show her were both changing and are much happier now (even given the Investigation looming over us).
I still her her on socials and such ... She's a very mature person and very well put together... Which is kind of why as friends we work ... Because I'm the opposite haha... I may get a hold of her then and approach her about the wedding tosee where the land lies and if maybe she wants to stay the night before the wedding ... Then give her a lift to there..
sThanks always people xxx
It's ben about 2-3 months since I've told her so in the grand scheme of things it's not a long time... I told her and we communicated for about a week after. She asked some more questions to which I went away spoke to my husband and related that information back to her... She said she needed time to process everything and since then I have respected her wishes ...
I don't want either of us to lose her as a friend because she's the type of person that has always been there for me but I do totally respect her need to think about things. Also she has been very busy, or atleast was since I last spoke to her... My husband has been friends with her longer than I have and she's like a sister to us both so it'da shame for us to lose her ... Or for him to lose her ...
I'd also like to sit down and explain to her and show her that my husband has done a terrible thing and in our relationship has done things to jeopardize it in the past but is changing for the better. He's also very upfront about his guilt and accepts his need to be 'punished'... I want to show her were both changing and are much happier now (even given the Investigation looming over us).
I still her her on socials and such ... She's a very mature person and very well put together... Which is kind of why as friends we work ... Because I'm the opposite haha... I may get a hold of her then and approach her about the wedding tosee where the land lies and if maybe she wants to stay the night before the wedding ... Then give her a lift to there..
sThanks always people xxx
Hi black hound sadly this isnt about maturity this is about understanding and looking past a heinous crime and remembering who you both are the whole of him not just the bad stuff he has done. I never expected all my friends and my husbands friends to walk away the way they did ( his best friend took a year to decide he wanted back in his life and went to sentencing with him). But then we receive support in places I never expected and that was a big positive for us as a family. I think reaching out to her is a good idea because you dont actually know where her head is at and you need to know before you attend a social gathering x
It's incredibly sad to know that your friends and family just decided without question to walk away... But it's incredibly nice to know that his bestfriend came back into his life... That's strength of character and friendship... I sent her a message and let her know that if she needed more time to think about things that it's understandable... She's seen it and hasn't responded but I think I knew that might be the case... Although I'm the type of person that always has a grain of hope, even if that grain is the size is a peice of sand ...
I have a hope that she will respond even if to tell me that she doesn't want to associate or be friends with my husband, or us both... But it will take a little time and I think she'd rather do it in person or over the phone. Which again is entirely understandable. I don't hold any illwill against her... I'm just sad about It.
My mum when I told her last Christmas had the immediate reaction of get rid of him, he's a peado... And she absolutely loves my husband... We spent new year's with her and one of te last things she said to me in person was that she loved my husband but hated what he did .. She understood that in the depths of depression, regret and high functioning alcoholism you do things that you know are wrong because she did them herself... Never as bad as my husband... Nothing even close but morally wrong.
Had she not passed away I'd have never have told my best friend but I needed some support at the time.... I guess it sort of backfires in the end ...
I know that at the end of the day, we'll at least enjoy the wedding hopefully no matter what happens...
It's incredibly sad to know that your friends and family just decided without question to walk away... But it's incredibly nice to know that his bestfriend came back into his life... That's strength of character and friendship... I sent her a message and let her know that if she needed more time to think about things that it's understandable... She's seen it and hasn't responded but I think I knew that might be the case... Although I'm the type of person that always has a grain of hope, even if that grain is the size is a peice of sand ...
I have a hope that she will respond even if to tell me that she doesn't want to associate or be friends with my husband, or us both... But it will take a little time and I think she'd rather do it in person or over the phone. Which again is entirely understandable. I don't hold any illwill against her... I'm just sad about It.
My mum when I told her last Christmas had the immediate reaction of get rid of him, he's a peado... And she absolutely loves my husband... We spent new year's with her and one of te last things she said to me in person was that she loved my husband but hated what he did .. She understood that in the depths of depression, regret and high functioning alcoholism you do things that you know are wrong because she did them herself... Never as bad as my husband... Nothing even close but morally wrong.
Had she not passed away I'd have never have told my best friend but I needed some support at the time.... I guess it sort of backfires in the end ...
I know that at the end of the day, we'll at least enjoy the wedding hopefully no matter what happens...