Family and Friends Forum

Last week my family got the 'knock.' I no longer live at that address and so I didn't have to endure the police searching the house like my mam, brother and sister did. I was told later in the day about what had happened. The police had flagged up 3 indecent images from that IP address. My dad admitted straight away that it was him and went for a voluntary interview at the station. He handed over his phone and the other devices in the house were looked at but not taken. He said that during lockdown while sat at home he downloaded Kik after someone had told him about it. He was talking to people about sex and looking at images of adults. He was added to another group and was talking in there when an indecent image came through. He told us he clicked on the image but did not do anything else with it. He then deleted the app. The police did say the app was only in use for a few weeks. He is adamant that he is telling the truth and has no interest in that sort of thing. He knows he has done wrong and is utterly heartbroken. Everyone knows the stigma with this offence. He came home from the police station after his interview without any bail conditions but we've been told the investigation could take a year. We are obviously struggling to deal with any of this but the thought of it dragging out and the not knowing is driving me insane. I'm due to get married next year and I don't know if I can go through with it with this hanging over us. We are all devestated, destroyed, a complete mess. My dad included. He can't bare the thought of what he is putting us through and it's really took a toll on his mental health. He attempted to take his life later in the week after watching his family fall apart. He said we'd be better off without him and if he wasn't here we wouldn't have to endure this any longer. He is now getting support from a mental health team. I felt so alone in this because we haven't really told anyone - how can you?? I haven't gone to work, I keep crying and feeling very angry. I've found reading your stories helpful as I don't feel so alone anymore and I just hope someone can give me advice on what to do now. Do I cut ties with my dad? Was it just a stupid mistake? What's going to happen now? How long is this going to take? Do I put my life on hold until it's over? Do I tell my friends? What's the Likilihood of this getting put in a newspaper or social media? (This is my biggest fear at the minute)



I'm really thankful to this group already just by reading what you've said has been helpful and I'd really appreciate anything that you have to say on my situation.

Hi blackhound
Thanks so much for your reply I can’t describe how much I appreciate talking to someone else that is going through / has gone through this. I have never felt pain, shame, anger, embarrassment, anxiety, fear and sadness like it and it’s good to know there are others out there feeling this way too. Not that I would wish this on anyone!!

My dad has always been a very hard working man and has given me and my siblings a great life. I know I have been very lucky and I wouldn’t be where I am today without both of my parents. Which is why I’m struggling so much with this. He has always been a hero to me and my family and now suddenly over night he’s a monster. I hate what he has done and what he is putting us through but he is still my dad and is completely broken himself right now. I feel that people in this forum understand that whereas many others wouldn’t.

It’s great advice what you said about taking time for me. I’ve rang the helpline this morning to talk about the guilt I’m feeling for not being a very good partner or friend at the minute, not going to work and overall just not functioning. I realise now that this is ok and I’m seeking further help from a therapist.

Again I just want to say thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me. I hope you’re doing ok too.

Thank you both for your comments - smile through tears and worried daughter.

I’m so glad your dads case was dropped, I can only hope and pray ours goes a similar way. It’s just the not knowing isn’t it. 23 months seems ridiculous to put families through pure hell and I’ve seen some poor families where it has taken even longer. I understand investigations take time but to live like this for years seems so unfair. Did you believe your dad straight away? Did you continue to have a ‘normal’ relationship with him?



thanks again everyone x

Thanks so much blackhound.

I'm really sorry to hear you have more problems to deal with as well as this. You seem so strong and it's given me hope that I can get there too!

Thanks so much blackhound.

I'm really sorry to hear you have more problems to deal with as well as this. You seem so strong and it's given me hope that I can get there too!