How does counselling help us
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Hi all,
we had the knock 6 months ago, my husband is living at home having been RUI. we also have 2 young children.
I am struggling so bad being kind and polite and normal with him. The kids are picking up on it now. He seems to think that I am the one that has made him feel so worthless and that is why he went to porn a few years ago ( I only found this out a few months ago) I can't ask him to move out as the children's lives will be destroyed.
I find this excuse very pathetic that I didn't have enough time for him whilst I was looking after our children and working.
I have been to a session by stop so but to be honest I didn't find it very helpful as she can't actually tell me why he did it, what will happen from here. She just sat and listened to me talking and crying. Anyone else find anything useful I feel like I am going mad with anger!
we had the knock 6 months ago, my husband is living at home having been RUI. we also have 2 young children.
I am struggling so bad being kind and polite and normal with him. The kids are picking up on it now. He seems to think that I am the one that has made him feel so worthless and that is why he went to porn a few years ago ( I only found this out a few months ago) I can't ask him to move out as the children's lives will be destroyed.
I find this excuse very pathetic that I didn't have enough time for him whilst I was looking after our children and working.
I have been to a session by stop so but to be honest I didn't find it very helpful as she can't actually tell me why he did it, what will happen from here. She just sat and listened to me talking and crying. Anyone else find anything useful I feel like I am going mad with anger!
Starry
I'm sorry your having a rough time, have you spoken to your Dr? I had a bit of counselling but it made no difference so stopped going, I have however recently done alot of self help. I suffer from severe ptsd but that's been for many years.
Regarding staying with your husband because of the kids, you shouldn't feel like this do you think the kids will want to see the dislike ? The regret on your face will be there and the kids will pick up on this. Kids are very resilient, my husband stayed with his ex because of his son but he lived a very unhappy life which rubbed off on his son, his son said why did you stay we could of been happier away from that environment he is in his late 20s and it still affects him. The moral of the story is if you are not happy , then the kids won't be happy, the kids can still see your hubby and you could all end up alot happier. As for your hubby blaming you that is a cop out and he obviously isn't taking any responsibility for his actions.
Myself & hubby haven't had sex in nearly 2 years and I am here because of my son it has affected me big time including being intimate with my husband. My husband totally understands why .
Anyway I wish you well x
I'm sorry your having a rough time, have you spoken to your Dr? I had a bit of counselling but it made no difference so stopped going, I have however recently done alot of self help. I suffer from severe ptsd but that's been for many years.
Regarding staying with your husband because of the kids, you shouldn't feel like this do you think the kids will want to see the dislike ? The regret on your face will be there and the kids will pick up on this. Kids are very resilient, my husband stayed with his ex because of his son but he lived a very unhappy life which rubbed off on his son, his son said why did you stay we could of been happier away from that environment he is in his late 20s and it still affects him. The moral of the story is if you are not happy , then the kids won't be happy, the kids can still see your hubby and you could all end up alot happier. As for your hubby blaming you that is a cop out and he obviously isn't taking any responsibility for his actions.
Myself & hubby haven't had sex in nearly 2 years and I am here because of my son it has affected me big time including being intimate with my husband. My husband totally understands why .
Anyway I wish you well x
Agree Lee / my boy admitted what he'd done and said he'd face up to the consequences - and that's exactly what he's done. In a crime like this I feel it's very unfair to blame others, you made the decision to go down the road.
Thank you all so much for replying and signposting me on where I can look for some help
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Hi becky 1234
Just had to reply to your post , the last paragraph, it was my son also that got the knock and from that day I have never been intimate with my husband that was 5 years ago , it really affected me but my husband luckily understands, it's really weird the knock on effect this has on our lives .
Just had to reply to your post , the last paragraph, it was my son also that got the knock and from that day I have never been intimate with my husband that was 5 years ago , it really affected me but my husband luckily understands, it's really weird the knock on effect this has on our lives .
I agree with others about thinking about your happiness and mental health. Hopefully you can find help through the GP or elsewhere. For my personally I have not sought help because for me the fact my partner has done the inform course and shared what he learned with me and he has talen full responsibility for his actions gives me enough peace to be able to power through.
I know it is daunting but sticking by someone for the sake of the kids is not sustainable. Yes you and your husband could try to work through it- but he will definitely need to put in the work mostly since he is the one in the wrong. My parents tried to work it out after my dad had an affair, I was 13 and my brother 10. We didn't fully understand what was going on but when my parents finally separated I did have a sense of some relief- it was a chance for my mum to be happy and be independent.
I know it is daunting but sticking by someone for the sake of the kids is not sustainable. Yes you and your husband could try to work through it- but he will definitely need to put in the work mostly since he is the one in the wrong. My parents tried to work it out after my dad had an affair, I was 13 and my brother 10. We didn't fully understand what was going on but when my parents finally separated I did have a sense of some relief- it was a chance for my mum to be happy and be independent.
Thank you all again for taking the time to reply
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