Nearly a year on and I feel trapped
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I don't even know where to start... I have spent the last almost year of my life rebuilding myself (weight loss and emotional) and my life with my 3 kids so that it is a stable, happy home just me and them. The issue is I am pressured from all directions over every decision I make it's never a right one I feel so consumed and the children's father whom hasn't been at home since the knock ? has been so difficult about money! Everytime he can he tried to attack me about money and when I mention that it's time to think about setting things in stone and sorting life he says well just remember we sell the house we owned a year you will be in debt you will have nowhere to go and no money and then what! You wanted the house (may I add I was reluctant) you can deal with the consequences then he goes on to say that if we don't save money which we are then when he loses his job when charged we will be screwed! I just want to add I do save and it feels like my choices are being taken out of my hands! My kids know the chance draw their dad is not coming home and the arrangements of seeing him on weekends is permanent! He only ever has 1 of 3 kids every other weekend and I never get downtime (not bothered that I don't my kids are my world), just seems my needs and wants for our kids don't matter and I don't get a say! SORRY I GUESS I JUST NEEDED TO WXPRESS ALL THIS AS I DONT HAVE FRIENDS ITS JUST ME AND MY LIDS KY FANIKY ARE 6 hours away this don't bother with me and I am my own and children support! And if there is any friends I talk to online and they ask about family I either tell half truth or say nothing feel like I am living a lie to save him he is living with parents 30 minutes away and nobody know I live where he was stung by vigilantes and everyone knows and me and my kids are living with the hell he has created! It has got to the point I just don't know what to do no news on him being charged and o doubt there will be! He says I should forgive and forget is he mad it's not that simple especially when he betrayed my trust and sent images of me without my knowledge they were ever taken or without my knowledge of him sending them! Days have got easier since the beginning and sorrow is fewer and far between but when I have a downer day it is so much more consuming I am having to stay strong for the kids and I have nobody to lift me up I do it myself no matter how hard it is
Hi lee,
if I had the opportunity to sit and have a conversation with him I think I would be able to make that decision and I used to work but am a carer for my two eldest children and a student. He just doesn't want to broach idea of the full disclosure conversation and won't even hear me if I try to speak about where we go from here all I get is fine you want to end it which he knows stops me in my tracks because he caused this and lie you deffo betrayal on a scale that's hard to comprehend but I don't want to hurt anyone anymore Ethan has happened. I love the guy but to move forward I need closure... in its entirety I cannot see a way through unless he can be honest with me and himself! I am battling with feelings and the lack of honesty ( if he can't be honest I don't see a future) I have my family pushing divorce and his well who knows with them it has been Rocky to say the least! And as far as the house goes I suppose he is worried we won't get the price needed to break even however we paid way less that it's is worth so I can't see it and we used something known as forces help to buy however that would be paid back from house sale as long as we don't accept less that a certain percentage lower than it's worth x
if I had the opportunity to sit and have a conversation with him I think I would be able to make that decision and I used to work but am a carer for my two eldest children and a student. He just doesn't want to broach idea of the full disclosure conversation and won't even hear me if I try to speak about where we go from here all I get is fine you want to end it which he knows stops me in my tracks because he caused this and lie you deffo betrayal on a scale that's hard to comprehend but I don't want to hurt anyone anymore Ethan has happened. I love the guy but to move forward I need closure... in its entirety I cannot see a way through unless he can be honest with me and himself! I am battling with feelings and the lack of honesty ( if he can't be honest I don't see a future) I have my family pushing divorce and his well who knows with them it has been Rocky to say the least! And as far as the house goes I suppose he is worried we won't get the price needed to break even however we paid way less that it's is worth so I can't see it and we used something known as forces help to buy however that would be paid back from house sale as long as we don't accept less that a certain percentage lower than it's worth x
A friend just went through a divorce (for other reasons) and she has a legal thing on the house which means that she stays in it with her 3 kids until the youngest is 18 and then at that point (approx 10 yrs) she owes him 30% of the equity of the house.
Ive been told that a court would rule in favour of the children of anything like that was brought up. Especially if you are living there with the children now. So if you want to stay there with the kids he probably couldn't do much about it.
It sounds from what you've written that he is trying to control the situation and manipulate things to help him not to lose everything. It doesn't sound from what you've written that he is taking responsibility for his actions. You are the only one who knows your relationship for the inside so it is totally your decision.
It is completely wrong for someone to take and send images of you without your consent. That is not okay. That is such an enormous breach of trust and confidentiality. Please do not be tempted to try and believe that it is your responsibility to excuse that or to believe you were in any way responsible.
If he is not giving you reasons it is not your job to come up with excuses. Like you said you've got your life into some kind of balance looking after 3 kids by yourself. That shows you are a strong and capable woman. Make choices based on what is best for you xx
Ive been told that a court would rule in favour of the children of anything like that was brought up. Especially if you are living there with the children now. So if you want to stay there with the kids he probably couldn't do much about it.
It sounds from what you've written that he is trying to control the situation and manipulate things to help him not to lose everything. It doesn't sound from what you've written that he is taking responsibility for his actions. You are the only one who knows your relationship for the inside so it is totally your decision.
It is completely wrong for someone to take and send images of you without your consent. That is not okay. That is such an enormous breach of trust and confidentiality. Please do not be tempted to try and believe that it is your responsibility to excuse that or to believe you were in any way responsible.
If he is not giving you reasons it is not your job to come up with excuses. Like you said you've got your life into some kind of balance looking after 3 kids by yourself. That shows you are a strong and capable woman. Make choices based on what is best for you xx
We can only be responsible for our own recovery. If your other half does not wish to be honest with you at this point he can't be forced to do so. It sounds like he is trying to undermine your attempts to move forwards. Get some legal advice which should help clarify your options and access some counselling of your own so you can decide what you want for yourself and your children. It is difficult to resist pressure from families but what to do about your marriage needs to be your decision and reached in your own time.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Hi all,
I just want to thank all for your advice seems today there was a new development it turns out people deffo know as some lads at my sons school have been taunting him and it broke me when he told me my poor love he is only 10, I spoke to the school and unfortunately it may be time to move my eldest asd child doesn't want to she loves her school but I can't have my son go through the poor soul x
I just want to thank all for your advice seems today there was a new development it turns out people deffo know as some lads at my sons school have been taunting him and it broke me when he told me my poor love he is only 10, I spoke to the school and unfortunately it may be time to move my eldest asd child doesn't want to she loves her school but I can't have my son go through the poor soul x