Family and Friends Forum

Has anyone been the victim of people in the community telling lies? I had a real problem with a neighbour who I confided in about my internet offender ex because I felt it would be better coming from me rather than her hearing about it through the media. When I told her, she tried to persuade me that what my ex had done was already common knowledge where we lived. At that time, this was a total lie! I'd done all I could to minimise the number of people who were in the know. I can only assume she wanted to lie to me because it somehow made her feel important and superior to believe she already knew. Her behaviour caused me a great deal of distress, and I also became fearful for my personal security. She even managed to persuade another neighbour that I was somehow in the wrong when I confronted her with her lies, and the two of them would stand at the top of my driveway and hold long conversations there which I found really intimidating. I've had to move away from that house.

I was also on the receiving end of another case of lying which I became aware of when my ex's crimes were reported in the media after the magistrate's hearing. A friend of mine was sitting in a school staff room when she overheard a conversation in which a woman who knew my family claimed that I had called the police myself because I knew all about what my ex had been doing and I was worried about its effects on my children. Needless to say, this was all complete nonsense - and my friend put this woman right in no uncertain terms - but it does illustrate how vulnerable we are, not only to abuse from the public who link us with the crimes of our partners, but also to the inaccuracies spread by gossip and sometimes just plain malice.

I absolutely agree that we SHOULD have the right to confidentiality. The problem is that the media doesn’t agree. Sooner or later, what our family member has done is going to be splashed across the local newspapers and maybe even tv, and then discussed indiscriminately on social media. Then you find out how everyone has an opinion and false stories quickly spread, meaning that the reputation of the innocent family member may be damaged as a consequence. That’s why I felt the need to tell some people in person before everything came out in a distorted way. Unfortunately, even then some people seemed to take pleasure in spreading lies.