Some help please
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hi my husband was arrested nearly 4 weeks ago, he has to go back to the police station next week.he was talking to a police decoy and got caught, he says there is no photos apart from one that was sent to him which he deleted,
does this mean that next week we will find out how long he will get and what they have found ? He is currently living in his car. Will he lose his job ?
my head is In a shed everyday I have so many questions I need answers to, who can help me ??? Our house is in my husbands name so if he loses his job does this mean me and the kids have to move out I’m so scared as to what will happen to my children. SS have said not to worry as they are not worried ( unless they find anything ) if he gets sent to jail I can no longer work
does this mean that next week we will find out how long he will get and what they have found ? He is currently living in his car. Will he lose his job ?
my head is In a shed everyday I have so many questions I need answers to, who can help me ??? Our house is in my husbands name so if he loses his job does this mean me and the kids have to move out I’m so scared as to what will happen to my children. SS have said not to worry as they are not worried ( unless they find anything ) if he gets sent to jail I can no longer work
Bob I'm so sorry to hear your story. Most people on here have been through similar traumas and can understand how overwhelming it is to begin with.
Firstly I imagine the return to the police station is the standard 28 days after arrest where the police have to do something. They will likely either extend bail or release him under investigation, which they do until they've gathered evidence and decided whether they will charge him. This process tends to be horrifically long and drawn out I'm sorry to say.
It is a huge shock and so much to process especially with kids having SS involved.
I was told that a court would always consider best interests of children with regards to housing, but I don't know how it works if it's only in his name. Perhaps someone else will be able to answer.
There are many posts on here that might help. The best advice I found was to take each day as it comes. I found reading stuff on here too overwhelming to start with. Take your time and do things at your own pace - it is hard not to try and make some decisions but while in such a state of heightened emotion it is rarely the right time to make big choices.
Ay questions ask away and someone will answer. You are not alone although you will feel it. The world will keep turning and we will help keep you going if you need us xx
Firstly I imagine the return to the police station is the standard 28 days after arrest where the police have to do something. They will likely either extend bail or release him under investigation, which they do until they've gathered evidence and decided whether they will charge him. This process tends to be horrifically long and drawn out I'm sorry to say.
It is a huge shock and so much to process especially with kids having SS involved.
I was told that a court would always consider best interests of children with regards to housing, but I don't know how it works if it's only in his name. Perhaps someone else will be able to answer.
There are many posts on here that might help. The best advice I found was to take each day as it comes. I found reading stuff on here too overwhelming to start with. Take your time and do things at your own pace - it is hard not to try and make some decisions but while in such a state of heightened emotion it is rarely the right time to make big choices.
Ay questions ask away and someone will answer. You are not alone although you will feel it. The world will keep turning and we will help keep you going if you need us xx
Thankyou cloud for your reply, does this mean that he will still not be allowed to stop here at night until the horrible nightmare is over, ( he is sleeping in the car) I just wish it was all over.
how long does it normally take, he is getting councelling and taking things really bad that I don’t know if he will come home some mornings
how long does it normally take, he is getting councelling and taking things really bad that I don’t know if he will come home some mornings
It depends I think. If he is RUI (released under investigation) then technically there would be no bail conditions on him. However if SS say he shouldn't be allowed unsupervised access to the children then he still might not be able to stay at the house. Have you spoken to SS about access?
Also my guesses about the police visit are just guesses from mine and others experience and it could well be something else.
Also my guesses about the police visit are just guesses from mine and others experience and it could well be something else.
Also really sorry to tell you that some cases take many months or years. I wish I could give you better news xx
Thankyou cloud, I have just had a phone call from SS and they said they were happy with things and not to worry unless they find something,I would not know how to get in touch with the women who was talking to me.
im gonna see my husband to see if he can put the house in my name just incase I don’t want to be out on the streets at Xmas with them, I have been signed off work for a month as I can’t go to work as I need to take care of the kids. I just feel so alone and numb.
im gonna see my husband to see if he can put the house in my name just incase I don’t want to be out on the streets at Xmas with them, I have been signed off work for a month as I can’t go to work as I need to take care of the kids. I just feel so alone and numb.
Oh Bob I'm so sorry. It must be so hard to have that fear. There are a few people who have more legal knowledge who might be able to help - or citizens advice or women's rights charities? Just to clarify is it mortgage or rent in his name?
You are not alone. I can't help much but I'm listening xx
You are not alone. I can't help much but I'm listening xx
Hi lee, it’s a mortgage that he has and I just give him half every month, he is out on bail as far as I know, we should no more next week when he has to go back.
He is currently still working and if he has to go to court then he will get sacked so we can’t afford the house as I don’t make enough to cover on my own if he is sent down.
As far as I know the police spoke to ss and they phoned me for a crack and said they had no concerns and were happy with what has been put into place
i have a telephone call with my gp next week as I feel I can’t cope
He is currently still working and if he has to go to court then he will get sacked so we can’t afford the house as I don’t make enough to cover on my own if he is sent down.
As far as I know the police spoke to ss and they phoned me for a crack and said they had no concerns and were happy with what has been put into place
i have a telephone call with my gp next week as I feel I can’t cope
Thankyou cloud for listening to me x I’m sorry I keep on asking loads of questions my husband won’t tell me things and if I ask it’s world war 3
Hi Bob just wanted to check in.
The comment about WW3 concerned me. If he's being verbally aggressive or anything more please put yourself first and seek some help. It is a huge trauma for him to go through. But if his reaction to that is to cause you more hurt and distress after all he's already done then that is not okay.
Have you spoken to anyone? I told my best friend and my sister and it helped enormously. They are both straight talkers and I know I'll get sound judgement on my decisions, as well as being able to let it out (tears or anger) when needed
I was terrified about the financial side of things when it first happened, it's one of the many aspects of this. But I knew I would never stay with him because of money. I'm now imagining a life with few choices or luxuries, where I have to work until I'm 80, but at least it'll be on my own terms
The comment about WW3 concerned me. If he's being verbally aggressive or anything more please put yourself first and seek some help. It is a huge trauma for him to go through. But if his reaction to that is to cause you more hurt and distress after all he's already done then that is not okay.
Have you spoken to anyone? I told my best friend and my sister and it helped enormously. They are both straight talkers and I know I'll get sound judgement on my decisions, as well as being able to let it out (tears or anger) when needed
I was terrified about the financial side of things when it first happened, it's one of the many aspects of this. But I knew I would never stay with him because of money. I'm now imagining a life with few choices or luxuries, where I have to work until I'm 80, but at least it'll be on my own terms
Hi cloud, we had a good discussion today about things and even told the kids and our family’s which was good as I want to be honest with everyone I hate lying to people.
We have made a decision to move to another house so we can have a better mortgage incase he does go to jail so I will not have to worry about paying the bills, I was scared at first but since talking to my family about it it makes sense to move.
I think he has just been scared, he is the kind of person that hides his feeling he has always been the same( fingers crossed this will change him)
We have made a decision to move to another house so we can have a better mortgage incase he does go to jail so I will not have to worry about paying the bills, I was scared at first but since talking to my family about it it makes sense to move.
I think he has just been scared, he is the kind of person that hides his feeling he has always been the same( fingers crossed this will change him)
I'm really relieved that you've had a useful talk. That is great you have been able to open up to family. It is too much to carry alone and it also shifts the fear of them finding out at some point in the future. I think it is also good for any future SS assessments as it shows you are both confronting the situation.
Wishing you all the best x
Wishing you all the best x