Partner forensic assessment- still doesn't mention the victims
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My partner is having a assessment done to try to get supervised visitation rights to his children.
He had the forensic assessment done yesterday and he was explaining what he talked about. I asked him what he said about his feeling towards the victims in the iiocs - he said it didn't come up in conversation so didn't say anything about it...
This is one thing that really annoys me about him. He has been told multiple times by his probation officer and myself that he doesn't priorities the victims when he speaks about his offending. He claims the assesser was asking about him- how it started, why it did and why it continued etc. But I think his omission is going to be mentioned in the report, and tbh I hope it does.
I am all for him seeing his children of the professionals think it can be done. I also want this assessment because I wonder still if I'm deluded. He has turned his life around and I do believe he won't reoffend. But he still seems to lack empathy to the real victims and I worry it is a genuine blind spot to him, and if so I don't think I can go on much longer as he won't be fully accountable for his actions.
He had the forensic assessment done yesterday and he was explaining what he talked about. I asked him what he said about his feeling towards the victims in the iiocs - he said it didn't come up in conversation so didn't say anything about it...
This is one thing that really annoys me about him. He has been told multiple times by his probation officer and myself that he doesn't priorities the victims when he speaks about his offending. He claims the assesser was asking about him- how it started, why it did and why it continued etc. But I think his omission is going to be mentioned in the report, and tbh I hope it does.
I am all for him seeing his children of the professionals think it can be done. I also want this assessment because I wonder still if I'm deluded. He has turned his life around and I do believe he won't reoffend. But he still seems to lack empathy to the real victims and I worry it is a genuine blind spot to him, and if so I don't think I can go on much longer as he won't be fully accountable for his actions.
I know what you mean. When they keep on getting referred to as 'images' it dehumanises the vulnerable youngsters who were being taken advantage of.
I was thinking today about the moment the police dropped him back home on the day of the knock to collect his bag. My first conversation with him where he said he had a porn addiction. I was in shock and just said how could you? They are children just like our children. Either they didn't have someone to look out for them and love them and protect them like I love my children, or they do have that love and yet it wasn't enough to protect them from situations of abuse. And both scenario is so awful.
When my emotions started thawing my first real anger towards him was for those children. From girls to young women being objectified for male gratification. And by referring to them only as 'images' completes that effect of turning them into objects. And it is not okay. And it is done in the entertainment industry so frequently and it is so not okay. A moment for the photographer that could represent a lifetime effect on a young person. I would equate it to murdering their innocence. I'm not trying to be dramatic I just can't comprehend the world we live in.
I was thinking today about the moment the police dropped him back home on the day of the knock to collect his bag. My first conversation with him where he said he had a porn addiction. I was in shock and just said how could you? They are children just like our children. Either they didn't have someone to look out for them and love them and protect them like I love my children, or they do have that love and yet it wasn't enough to protect them from situations of abuse. And both scenario is so awful.
When my emotions started thawing my first real anger towards him was for those children. From girls to young women being objectified for male gratification. And by referring to them only as 'images' completes that effect of turning them into objects. And it is not okay. And it is done in the entertainment industry so frequently and it is so not okay. A moment for the photographer that could represent a lifetime effect on a young person. I would equate it to murdering their innocence. I'm not trying to be dramatic I just can't comprehend the world we live in.
The apparent lack of empathy concerns me also. Feedback from my husband's therapy seems to focus on the mechanics of addiction. He has expressed regret for the effects of being prosecuted such as the loss of income , having to sell his car , the damage to our marriage and scrapping plans we had for retirement etc. But so far nothing about the victims. I wonder whether he is avoiding this because it is just so painful. I understand the impact on victims is addressed on the Inform course he is currently attending and I am hoping this will compel him to address his part in the abuse of children and animals.
Such a long way still to go.
Such a long way still to go.
My partner has done the inform course, and that what annoys me because he has covered the impacts of victims. I wasn't there for the assessment appointment. I wonder if the omission of acknowledgement to the victims will be noted. My partner claims he didn't mention it because he wasn't asked directly. But the victims are the most important aspects of the offending!
Essentially if the omission is mentioned in the final assessment i will see if. I can discuss with the assessor. Tho I'm not sure I will have the right to since it isnt my children he is being assessed for.
In the past my partner has said things like he can't ever say sorry to the victims but by rehabilitation he can prevent harming more and not create the demand. I also wonder as someone here has said that maybe it is too hard for him to verbilse each time he talks about his offending.
I have told him that if the assessor deems him a risk still then he will need to seek more help as the inform course and probation would show as not enough.
Essentially if the omission is mentioned in the final assessment i will see if. I can discuss with the assessor. Tho I'm not sure I will have the right to since it isnt my children he is being assessed for.
In the past my partner has said things like he can't ever say sorry to the victims but by rehabilitation he can prevent harming more and not create the demand. I also wonder as someone here has said that maybe it is too hard for him to verbilse each time he talks about his offending.
I have told him that if the assessor deems him a risk still then he will need to seek more help as the inform course and probation would show as not enough.
Thanks for the information people.
Hi all!
We just wanted to add to this thread that for many years at the Lucy Faithfull Foundation we have also undertaken risk assessments. This is a core part of our work and while most assessments are commissioned by the family courts and local authorities, sometimes private individuals commission assessments from us too. If you would like to know more, please contact our Stop It Now! helpline, on 0808 1000 900. The helpline is anonymous, confidential and free. One of our trained advisors will be able to explore any questions you may have.
We hope you are all well,
The Forum Team
We just wanted to add to this thread that for many years at the Lucy Faithfull Foundation we have also undertaken risk assessments. This is a core part of our work and while most assessments are commissioned by the family courts and local authorities, sometimes private individuals commission assessments from us too. If you would like to know more, please contact our Stop It Now! helpline, on 0808 1000 900. The helpline is anonymous, confidential and free. One of our trained advisors will be able to explore any questions you may have.
We hope you are all well,
The Forum Team
Update- got the report quite quickly. And as mentioned above the appreant lack of discussion on the victims wasn't detrimental to the assessment. And my partner has been viewed as remorseful, accountable and taken actions to prevent reoffending. It was noted that my partner didn't come across as deceitful for the assessment which I am glad since to me that means the results are genuine.
The overall result is that despite his underlying addiction he is not considered a large enough risk to justify him not having supervised contact with his children.
Not sure we can use the report to reduce the SHPO, may have to do another one to track his progress.
The overall result is that despite his underlying addiction he is not considered a large enough risk to justify him not having supervised contact with his children.
Not sure we can use the report to reduce the SHPO, may have to do another one to track his progress.
Thought to update this thread.
The assessment was pretty much dismissed by CAFCASS and the courts. I have explained in other posts it was because they assessment didn't factor the impact to the children (even tho the authorities didn't set the criteria well and therefore it is their fault but ofc they won't be paying my partner back for the assessment done).
We had a police visit recently and again he didn't mention the victims in the reasons to not reoffend. To me his go to response is essentially 'selfish'- he says he won't do it again because of the impact on his family and his life and isn't worth throwing it all away again.
I have told him multiple times his lack of thinking of the victims to me means he pushes back the harm he caused. A yearly review is due and so I wonder if the police will pick up on the lack of mention of victims.
Maybe I am over thinking it but for me it is something that really bothers me.
The assessment was pretty much dismissed by CAFCASS and the courts. I have explained in other posts it was because they assessment didn't factor the impact to the children (even tho the authorities didn't set the criteria well and therefore it is their fault but ofc they won't be paying my partner back for the assessment done).
We had a police visit recently and again he didn't mention the victims in the reasons to not reoffend. To me his go to response is essentially 'selfish'- he says he won't do it again because of the impact on his family and his life and isn't worth throwing it all away again.
I have told him multiple times his lack of thinking of the victims to me means he pushes back the harm he caused. A yearly review is due and so I wonder if the police will pick up on the lack of mention of victims.
Maybe I am over thinking it but for me it is something that really bothers me.
Post deleted
Majestic,
Does your partner have ADHD/autism?
I ask because I share a similar feeling than him. I have diagnosed Autism and I struggle to feel empathy for the victimhood of people unless they are right there crying infront of me... It's not that I don't care about them, it's just I didn't witness it so therefore I cannot logically wrap my head around things... I don't understand their emotions. I too have been a victim of CP as a late teenager but I don't cry for myself and I didn't see it for what it was, grooming.
However my partner who committed the crime intermingle enough does now understand the ramifications on the victims... He had diagnosed Autism and his therapist has told him he has ADHD and needs to get diagnosed...
Have you chased him on why he doesn't feel empathy for the victims ? It might be because he didn't see the ramifications to the victims, only his family ...
Does your partner have ADHD/autism?
I ask because I share a similar feeling than him. I have diagnosed Autism and I struggle to feel empathy for the victimhood of people unless they are right there crying infront of me... It's not that I don't care about them, it's just I didn't witness it so therefore I cannot logically wrap my head around things... I don't understand their emotions. I too have been a victim of CP as a late teenager but I don't cry for myself and I didn't see it for what it was, grooming.
However my partner who committed the crime intermingle enough does now understand the ramifications on the victims... He had diagnosed Autism and his therapist has told him he has ADHD and needs to get diagnosed...
Have you chased him on why he doesn't feel empathy for the victims ? It might be because he didn't see the ramifications to the victims, only his family ...
He doesn't have a diagnosis as such, and from what I know about autism and ADHD he doesn't really present much as signs. Not seeing he isn't ,. It has never been flagged as a possible issue.
But I can ask him and see what he says. I suspect he will say he doesn't like thinking about it too much because of the guilt he has, he has said this before. But I feel that if suppresses it too much he will miss the opportunities to mention the victims when questioned about his previous offending.
But I can ask him and see what he says. I suspect he will say he doesn't like thinking about it too much because of the guilt he has, he has said this before. But I feel that if suppresses it too much he will miss the opportunities to mention the victims when questioned about his previous offending.
I wonder if this lack of empathy and regard for the victims is a common characteristic of these men? My ex-OH is the same. He has never voiced any remorse for what he's done except that it has messed his life up. Do they even see the victims in these images and videos as real human beings? I don't think they do. I think there's such a huge disconnect that they don't see them as 'real' people. Since the Knock and especially since his barrister has revealed more evidence from the CPS, I can't look at girls without feeling heart sick.
Hi
I very rarely come onto the foum nowadays as we got the knock in early 2019 and he was dealt with by the courts at the end of 2020. However, your message really resonated with me. One of the reasons I and my husband divorced was his lack of recognition of what he had done. He has said many times that he has never hurt anyone and talked about the offence as if it was being politically incorrect rather than a crime. At the time I felt as if he was treating it like being caught for speeding. As a woman who has worked with young people all her adult life this made me want to vomit. Over the months foloowing the knock I wanted to discuss this further so that he understood the seriousness of the offence but this never happened. Perhaps this is the way some people are made or is it a coping mechanism to minimise what has been done?
I very rarely come onto the foum nowadays as we got the knock in early 2019 and he was dealt with by the courts at the end of 2020. However, your message really resonated with me. One of the reasons I and my husband divorced was his lack of recognition of what he had done. He has said many times that he has never hurt anyone and talked about the offence as if it was being politically incorrect rather than a crime. At the time I felt as if he was treating it like being caught for speeding. As a woman who has worked with young people all her adult life this made me want to vomit. Over the months foloowing the knock I wanted to discuss this further so that he understood the seriousness of the offence but this never happened. Perhaps this is the way some people are made or is it a coping mechanism to minimise what has been done?