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Hi
It's been just over a week since the knock and I really don't know what to do.
My adult son who was living at home is being investigated for I believe visiting websites. Because he is an adult the police won't tell me much and he won't discuss it much either.
I have another child (15) at home with me so social services have been notified by the police.
The day it all happened I asked my son to move out and he is now living with my Mum.
The social worker had a video call with myself and my younger son yesterday and are coming to do a family assessment next week.
What should I expect next?
How do you cope with all of this? I'm a single parent and terrified I will now lose my younger son through what has happened.
So far as the younger child is concerned, his brother no longer exists. My mum has as good as said this is all my fault and that I have no right to be upset as it's not me being invesigated and she thinks I'm being unreasonable to assume the elder child is guilty when nothing is proven.
I do know that the older son admitted to viewing sites while under the influence of class a drugs which I assume will also be a concern with SS.
How did all of this go on under my roof without my knowledge? And how do I navigate this with SS and the child I still have at home?
Is there anywhere I can go for support as I have no family other than Mum. I kow I need to be strong for the 15 year old - but I feel like I am falling apart and uterly adrift
It's been just over a week since the knock and I really don't know what to do.
My adult son who was living at home is being investigated for I believe visiting websites. Because he is an adult the police won't tell me much and he won't discuss it much either.
I have another child (15) at home with me so social services have been notified by the police.
The day it all happened I asked my son to move out and he is now living with my Mum.
The social worker had a video call with myself and my younger son yesterday and are coming to do a family assessment next week.
What should I expect next?
How do you cope with all of this? I'm a single parent and terrified I will now lose my younger son through what has happened.
So far as the younger child is concerned, his brother no longer exists. My mum has as good as said this is all my fault and that I have no right to be upset as it's not me being invesigated and she thinks I'm being unreasonable to assume the elder child is guilty when nothing is proven.
I do know that the older son admitted to viewing sites while under the influence of class a drugs which I assume will also be a concern with SS.
How did all of this go on under my roof without my knowledge? And how do I navigate this with SS and the child I still have at home?
Is there anywhere I can go for support as I have no family other than Mum. I kow I need to be strong for the 15 year old - but I feel like I am falling apart and uterly adrift
Hi StunnedMum
After reading your post I felt the need to reply to you. I am sorry you have not had anyone reply to you post, but this can easily happen with your first post and waiting for your post to be verified, it can then get lost amongst other posts.
Unfortunately, I do not have any experience with Social Services but I know many on here do, so I am sure others will reply to you soon. As your post is over a week ago, I hope the Social services visit went well.
If you have not already done so it may be helpful to you to speak to the Stopitnow helpine for support.
Sorry I can not offer any help regards social services, but I know other members will be able to.
After reading your post I felt the need to reply to you. I am sorry you have not had anyone reply to you post, but this can easily happen with your first post and waiting for your post to be verified, it can then get lost amongst other posts.
Unfortunately, I do not have any experience with Social Services but I know many on here do, so I am sure others will reply to you soon. As your post is over a week ago, I hope the Social services visit went well.
If you have not already done so it may be helpful to you to speak to the Stopitnow helpine for support.
Sorry I can not offer any help regards social services, but I know other members will be able to.
Hi Stunned mum,
My son was 17 when he was arrested after self disclosing to accessing IIOC online and engaging in contact abuse with his sibling since he was 7 years old.
Most of this is untrue and the result of a psychotic break - sadly not all of it and I believe he has accessed IIOC online. Regardless I can take you through my experience which will hopefully give you some idea of what to expect.
Social services attended with the police on the day of his arrest to speak with us all as a family. I told them everything I knew and what he had said to me and they also spoke with my other children. I was very open to the risk factor my son posed as at that time I believed he had indeed done all that he confessed to. It's clear you are aware of potential risk and have acted to safeguard your younger child. The fact he can stay somewhere else is helpful as well. This will show social services you are a protective parent. I know many people have had a challenging time with social services but they were really fair with me and all my children. They dealt with our evolving situation without judgement and showed us nothing but compassion.
I'd recommend you are open and honest with them and accept that they are generally looking to protect your child. Be aware you can request a change of social worker if you don't have a good experience and they cannot take your child without proving they are at risk of significant harm in a court.
I approached the school of my younger children and explained the situation. They were very supportive of both them and myself so this may be something to consider. My GP was also very supportive so do reach out to them if you feel you need more support.
Having to face up to the actions of our children is awful and I send you so much love and virtual support. You are not responsible for the actions of your child. He is an adult and made his own choices. You are not the only influence in his life and you cannot blame yourself for his choices.
Often there are complex reasons behind this behaviour and processing it takes a lot of time so take each day at a time, try not to make major decisions straight away. Especially with regards to your older son as it's so hard to reconcile the anger, hurt and horror with the inevitable love of a mother.
I hope this is helpful, feel free to ask any questions. I'm very tired and struggling today so I hope my message makes sense! X
My son was 17 when he was arrested after self disclosing to accessing IIOC online and engaging in contact abuse with his sibling since he was 7 years old.
Most of this is untrue and the result of a psychotic break - sadly not all of it and I believe he has accessed IIOC online. Regardless I can take you through my experience which will hopefully give you some idea of what to expect.
Social services attended with the police on the day of his arrest to speak with us all as a family. I told them everything I knew and what he had said to me and they also spoke with my other children. I was very open to the risk factor my son posed as at that time I believed he had indeed done all that he confessed to. It's clear you are aware of potential risk and have acted to safeguard your younger child. The fact he can stay somewhere else is helpful as well. This will show social services you are a protective parent. I know many people have had a challenging time with social services but they were really fair with me and all my children. They dealt with our evolving situation without judgement and showed us nothing but compassion.
I'd recommend you are open and honest with them and accept that they are generally looking to protect your child. Be aware you can request a change of social worker if you don't have a good experience and they cannot take your child without proving they are at risk of significant harm in a court.
I approached the school of my younger children and explained the situation. They were very supportive of both them and myself so this may be something to consider. My GP was also very supportive so do reach out to them if you feel you need more support.
Having to face up to the actions of our children is awful and I send you so much love and virtual support. You are not responsible for the actions of your child. He is an adult and made his own choices. You are not the only influence in his life and you cannot blame yourself for his choices.
Often there are complex reasons behind this behaviour and processing it takes a lot of time so take each day at a time, try not to make major decisions straight away. Especially with regards to your older son as it's so hard to reconcile the anger, hurt and horror with the inevitable love of a mother.
I hope this is helpful, feel free to ask any questions. I'm very tired and struggling today so I hope my message makes sense! X