First visit from Social Services - what should I know
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I am waiting for visit from social services. Don't know when they are going to come.
I have been reading a bit about your experiences, which were different for everyone. Anyway, I have seen some positive cases here, that gives me a hope.
But I haven't found any information on how this visit looks like? How should I prepare myself? Do they call before they come in or they take you by surprise? How long do you wait for results (I have seen something about 45 days, but not sure what is that regarding to)?
I know I have to be really careful about what I say, how I say it as they may use everything against of us.
I know the truth, not sure what SS going to know. I accept the fact that things happend, not denying that. Can't changed that, but I don't want my daughter to suffer.
We have one year old, and I want my husband to see her, under whatever conditions they agree to.
Any advise?
I have been reading a bit about your experiences, which were different for everyone. Anyway, I have seen some positive cases here, that gives me a hope.
But I haven't found any information on how this visit looks like? How should I prepare myself? Do they call before they come in or they take you by surprise? How long do you wait for results (I have seen something about 45 days, but not sure what is that regarding to)?
I know I have to be really careful about what I say, how I say it as they may use everything against of us.
I know the truth, not sure what SS going to know. I accept the fact that things happend, not denying that. Can't changed that, but I don't want my daughter to suffer.
We have one year old, and I want my husband to see her, under whatever conditions they agree to.
Any advise?
Main advice I can give with SS is when they come to speak to you do not say you don't think he could harm your child! You can say things like you have seen no signs or indications that he would/ has but you have to put your child as priority with them and everything you do is to keep them safe (including from your partner)
for us he was allowed supervised contact first just at his parents house where he was bailed to and I think it was another month or so before we got it broadened to contact at the family home but again supervised
do as much research as you can on signs of abuse and look into courses, I am just finishing a safeguard and prevent online course that was free (advised by someone on this forum) and SS seemed pleased I have been proactive
as mentioned in previous posts think about drafting a family safety plan, starting with how visits will work, there are previous posts on this that offer lots of information
you are still very early on so try to take each day at a time and if you don't have anyone else to talk to I would definitely ring the helpline even if it is just to vent and cry they are very good listeners
also the family rights group website and helpline is very good for specific SS questions/ advice, can be a pain to get through but keep trying
for us he was allowed supervised contact first just at his parents house where he was bailed to and I think it was another month or so before we got it broadened to contact at the family home but again supervised
do as much research as you can on signs of abuse and look into courses, I am just finishing a safeguard and prevent online course that was free (advised by someone on this forum) and SS seemed pleased I have been proactive
as mentioned in previous posts think about drafting a family safety plan, starting with how visits will work, there are previous posts on this that offer lots of information
you are still very early on so try to take each day at a time and if you don't have anyone else to talk to I would definitely ring the helpline even if it is just to vent and cry they are very good listeners
also the family rights group website and helpline is very good for specific SS questions/ advice, can be a pain to get through but keep trying
Thank you Snoop29.
I managed to find a post that explained a bit how it looks like. Someone posted example of safety plan, which I am going to do.
Also looking for courses for myself, found so far NSPCC, cost 25.
Looking for something cheaper or free as we have to watch the money now.
Could you tell me which course did you do? Was it PACE?
We are looking for courses for my husband. He found one, hopefully he will be able to start today.
I just hope we will be able to see each other soon, no matter where, outside, SS facility, whatever, but as you all say, child safety comes first. We know he's done very wrong, he knows it, and we will work on it.
Thank you.
I managed to find a post that explained a bit how it looks like. Someone posted example of safety plan, which I am going to do.
Also looking for courses for myself, found so far NSPCC, cost 25.
Looking for something cheaper or free as we have to watch the money now.
Could you tell me which course did you do? Was it PACE?
We are looking for courses for my husband. He found one, hopefully he will be able to start today.
I just hope we will be able to see each other soon, no matter where, outside, SS facility, whatever, but as you all say, child safety comes first. We know he's done very wrong, he knows it, and we will work on it.
Thank you.
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Thank you Lee.
I will have a look today. Did PACE course this morning, but that was only 30 minutes short thing. Definitely not enough information.
I will have a look today. Did PACE course this morning, but that was only 30 minutes short thing. Definitely not enough information.
Yes it was the course Lee mentioned that I have done, very detailed and helpful although some sections might not apply.
My first visit with SS was a 30 minute or so chat with me about what I knew/ how I felt about it, he also made some comments about most people would leave their partner and how it was a huge betrayal, it was all too fresh for me at the time but wish I'd told him his opinion was not required, I hadn't actually decided whether we would stay together at that point anyway!
the SW then spoke with the children for around 5 minutes each (bit different as your little one is obviously too young) then he wanted to see their bedroom, this is standard practice.
The one thing I would say is both my and oh close family know so we have a very good support system so may be worth considering who you can tell to give you some support if/ when needed.
My first visit with SS was a 30 minute or so chat with me about what I knew/ how I felt about it, he also made some comments about most people would leave their partner and how it was a huge betrayal, it was all too fresh for me at the time but wish I'd told him his opinion was not required, I hadn't actually decided whether we would stay together at that point anyway!
the SW then spoke with the children for around 5 minutes each (bit different as your little one is obviously too young) then he wanted to see their bedroom, this is standard practice.
The one thing I would say is both my and oh close family know so we have a very good support system so may be worth considering who you can tell to give you some support if/ when needed.
Thank you so much. You are great help.
I had a look at this course, put all my details and just have to wait for them to get on touch with me. I hope it is the same one.
Husband is trying to call GP and 111 since yesterday, but no one is answering. He also tries to call Lucy Foundation about their course and stop so, but again difficult to get through.
I am supposed to be going home mid next week, to see my parents (we supposed to go together), but as they live abroad, I need child travel consent from him, ideally signed by notary, so we have no problem at the airport. Working on that, waiting for notary to call him back to pop in and sign everything. Just worry that I have just a week to do this, but we should make in time. Fingers crossed.
I had a look at this course, put all my details and just have to wait for them to get on touch with me. I hope it is the same one.
Husband is trying to call GP and 111 since yesterday, but no one is answering. He also tries to call Lucy Foundation about their course and stop so, but again difficult to get through.
I am supposed to be going home mid next week, to see my parents (we supposed to go together), but as they live abroad, I need child travel consent from him, ideally signed by notary, so we have no problem at the airport. Working on that, waiting for notary to call him back to pop in and sign everything. Just worry that I have just a week to do this, but we should make in time. Fingers crossed.
My case is slightly different as not been in the same house as the x for 10 years now but my youngest who was 12 goes weekly amd stays every other weekend.
Only spoke to SS over the phone maybe twice with in the first few weeks asking me what my family set up was like amd how was my son doing at school? He wasn't doing well at all so SS told me that they would contact school a year on I still don't know if they did or not. Visits with the ex have to be supervised amd SS told me it was down to me to sort it out!! So I told the ex if he wanted to see his children he had to arrange supervision as I wouldn't, he hasn't he's asked our oldest who is 21 now to chaperone and she has said no! So yes SS have been a big fat no help what so ever, I found out my youngest had been self harming too, though his school have been fab. It's been a year on now no contact from either the police or SS I know he's the ex but he's still the father of my children and it's killed me the past year. I really hope you visit goes well and you don't end up left out in the cold.
Only spoke to SS over the phone maybe twice with in the first few weeks asking me what my family set up was like amd how was my son doing at school? He wasn't doing well at all so SS told me that they would contact school a year on I still don't know if they did or not. Visits with the ex have to be supervised amd SS told me it was down to me to sort it out!! So I told the ex if he wanted to see his children he had to arrange supervision as I wouldn't, he hasn't he's asked our oldest who is 21 now to chaperone and she has said no! So yes SS have been a big fat no help what so ever, I found out my youngest had been self harming too, though his school have been fab. It's been a year on now no contact from either the police or SS I know he's the ex but he's still the father of my children and it's killed me the past year. I really hope you visit goes well and you don't end up left out in the cold.