Family and Friends Forum

Hi smile through tears,



Yes it is even if u stay with ur partner, I no its ur son but it can still be so lonely x

Dawn have you stayed with your partner? Mine is currently in prison and I am staying with him for now but I honestly dont know how i'll feel once 18 months have passed. It's such a long time and I feel we may both be very different people by then.

I want to think it will get easier and less lonely, I hope it does!!

Hi bizzylizzie,

Yes I have it's hard because I have had a really bad time with ss and I've been at breaking points, but I no he isn't a bad man and my girls would never forgive me if I ditched their dad, he is lucky he has been a great husband and dad or it could be quite different, it's still been the worse time of my life and 12 months on from sentencing I still give him loads and he takes it because he knows if it wasn't for him we wouldn't be in this mess. He also knows there are no 2nd chances I'm barely getting through the first time but I understand y people do xx

It is a really lonely journey and sometimes I get stressed with it and don't feel like speaking to my friends. I worry about the outcome. I would love to look forward to getting married and having a child but this hangs over me and taints my excitement. It's been 7 months now and still not with the CPS, I don't even know whether it'll actually go to the CPS because the real case has no evidence, it's the OIC's case and narrative which is the worry for me.



I had a look right back to the start of this forum and was looking at the names of users I don't see on the current posts and wondered how they were getting on, is this all a distant memory to them and has life returned to normal. I really wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, it's horrific.

Dawn is your OH in prison? If so for how long?

I keep wondering whether we'll be able to start a family after he's out (we're both early 30s). I've been told by someone at stopso that SS perceive less risk as time passes since the crime was committed, but then others say that sentencing restarts the clock too. And all regions are seemingly different too.

For him there were no contact offences and charges (other than some images) related only to 2 police decoy conversations, but he's ended up with custodial due to the severity of one of the charges 'attempt to...'

I've heard that some partners can live in the family home with an agreement that they don't carry out any 'intimate care', but I guess we won't know what our situation would look like until we basically have a child, as SS don't step in til there is a life at risk. I wish I could go to SS now and ask them what they think a family would look like for us, then I could be better informed to make a decision on whether it is worth waiting for him...i know this sounds horrible but I feel if I'm going to start again it would be better off sooner rather than later (we've been together over 10 years).

Sorry to the original poster here for somewhat changing the theme, just trying to pool on those with similar experiences in this thread! I agree with your sentiment about photographs too, they help to take you back and cherish a simpler time, remembering all the good parts of that person you love.

Smile through tears - yes, so lonely. You are a much better person than me for feeling such warmth towards your son, I am incredibly angry with my son and feel as if I've lost him because he's not the person I thought he was. It's ruined the past and my memories and is slowly destroying our family - like you, I could simply die of a broken heart. And yet every day I get up and put my smile on!

Sending hugs xx

Smile through tears - thank goodness for this safe space and the opportunity to talk to people who understand xx

Hi Busylizzie,



No my oh didn't get jail time he got 12 months suspended for 2 years and we r nearly a year down it's gone so quick but it has also been the worse 12 months of my life, as we/i have had a bad time ss, I was supervising contact and had been since December 2018 up until late September last year when our original sw decided I wasn't taking wat my husband had done seriously enough so she put us in cpp we only came out of that in August and today we have been given the news that I will be able to supervise at home, but for set days and set times hopefully this won't be long xx

Oh wow Dawn, you sound so strong though. Your children and husband are lucky to have you. So sorry that you are having such a bad time of it. I am presuming it will get easier as time passes and they consider him less risk once the conviction is further in the past. But I know that doesn't help in the short term!

Xx

Hi Busylizzie,

I bloody hope so, I don't no how much more I can take, saying that though we have had some good news I can supervise at our home from Friday we still have some restrictions but hopefully it's going in the right direction xx