Release from prison
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Hello
My story is on here somewhere, but I'll give a brief recap, my husband was arrested in 2019 for a communication offence (not a decoy) it was a conversation that started on Instagram.
We had a 10 month old at the time, now nearly 3. We were lucky as it was a brief involvement from social services, he was allowed the remain at home during the investigation and they closed the case with a safety plan in place (no unsupervised contact). I don't know if this is because he was honest with social services from the start and admitted what he had done.
He pleaded guilty at the end of 2020 and social services re-opened the case but didn't want to do the assessment until we knew the outcome. However, they had said they wanted us to start working towards unsupervised following the assessment if positive. Unfortunately, it was custodial, 34 months for the conversation and 6 months for 1 category c image which the person sent to him. Obviously, I was devastated, I'd always been prepared fo the worst outcome, but I just don't think I was prepared for that.
He had done a lot of self rehabilitation prior to court, during the 16 months we were waiting. He completed the safer lives course and also attended weekly sessions with a therapist who specialised in sex addiction. None of that counted at sentencing and whilst the purpose of the courses wasn't for a lenient sentence, it still felt harsh that the work we had put in didn't seem to matter to the judge.
My husband will be released later next year. Today I have received his SHPO from the solicitor and it specifically states no unsupervised access with any girl under the age of 16, save his child. Does anyone know what the process is will be in getting him home, can probation request he doesn't return here, is there anything I can do in the meantime to help? I would really appreciate any advice. Thanks
My story is on here somewhere, but I'll give a brief recap, my husband was arrested in 2019 for a communication offence (not a decoy) it was a conversation that started on Instagram.
We had a 10 month old at the time, now nearly 3. We were lucky as it was a brief involvement from social services, he was allowed the remain at home during the investigation and they closed the case with a safety plan in place (no unsupervised contact). I don't know if this is because he was honest with social services from the start and admitted what he had done.
He pleaded guilty at the end of 2020 and social services re-opened the case but didn't want to do the assessment until we knew the outcome. However, they had said they wanted us to start working towards unsupervised following the assessment if positive. Unfortunately, it was custodial, 34 months for the conversation and 6 months for 1 category c image which the person sent to him. Obviously, I was devastated, I'd always been prepared fo the worst outcome, but I just don't think I was prepared for that.
He had done a lot of self rehabilitation prior to court, during the 16 months we were waiting. He completed the safer lives course and also attended weekly sessions with a therapist who specialised in sex addiction. None of that counted at sentencing and whilst the purpose of the courses wasn't for a lenient sentence, it still felt harsh that the work we had put in didn't seem to matter to the judge.
My husband will be released later next year. Today I have received his SHPO from the solicitor and it specifically states no unsupervised access with any girl under the age of 16, save his child. Does anyone know what the process is will be in getting him home, can probation request he doesn't return here, is there anything I can do in the meantime to help? I would really appreciate any advice. Thanks
Hi Emma33
How do you cope ?
My husband is due for sentencing on Friday and our solicitor is telling us under no uncertain terms to expect a custodial. We were heading for a Newton hearing with mitigating circumstances but are being forced into a full guilty plea. Then the SHPO...Will come....
My daughter is 10 at the moment. He was first arrested in Aug last year...
I'm so scared for everything! We are on a CP plan at the moment and SS do not like us very much and is a troubled relationship.
We have character references friends and family letters to the judge etc but like you say they will count for nothing.
How do you cope ?
My husband is due for sentencing on Friday and our solicitor is telling us under no uncertain terms to expect a custodial. We were heading for a Newton hearing with mitigating circumstances but are being forced into a full guilty plea. Then the SHPO...Will come....
My daughter is 10 at the moment. He was first arrested in Aug last year...
I'm so scared for everything! We are on a CP plan at the moment and SS do not like us very much and is a troubled relationship.
We have character references friends and family letters to the judge etc but like you say they will count for nothing.
Hi turtle I know that this is a tough time, I posted the below in a post a few months ago about what to put in a prison bag you might find useful
Things that you might want to consider for the prison bag,
It is first important to remember that when someone first goes into prison they will be a standared prisoner, untill you become an enhanced prisoner you cant ware your own cloths. You can ware your own under ware, socks, shoes and outer coat, while a standard prisoner. I would also advise that when they enter reception they aske the desk officer at the prison to place them on Rule 45 otherwise refered to as "sign on the rule" this will mean tha they will be housed in the vulnerable prisoners unit which will be a lot safer than general population.
Things you should think about taking with you, 14 pairs of socks, 14 pieces of underware ( you will only get to do laundry once a week and if there is a lock down you might miss your day), Pyjamas, 2x towel and Flannel, flip flops for the shower, trainers and a good outer coat that is good for autum and winter, ensure that any personal cloths are not black or white.
For when you do get given enhanced have a blue pair of jeans and a few neutral tops that you can ware while you wait for relative to send in cloths.
roll on Deodorant, razor and three Cartridges of razor blades, shower gel, shampoo, shaving cream, toothpaste and tooth brush, hairbrush, shaving brush (none of the Toiletries can be in pressurised cans) flip flops for the shower
Find a small battery powered portable radio and ear phones, a pack of AAA and AA batteries, a book of 24 first class stamps and 24 2nd class stamps, writing pad and pen, envelopes , 4 good books, all your medication,and gp address, a spare pair of glasses if you ware them, a list of all your contact numbers and the relationship to you
Also have on you £100/£150 in cash that will be placed in the prison spends account, as it will take time for your relatives to work out the online system to send money in.
hope it helps
Things that you might want to consider for the prison bag,
It is first important to remember that when someone first goes into prison they will be a standared prisoner, untill you become an enhanced prisoner you cant ware your own cloths. You can ware your own under ware, socks, shoes and outer coat, while a standard prisoner. I would also advise that when they enter reception they aske the desk officer at the prison to place them on Rule 45 otherwise refered to as "sign on the rule" this will mean tha they will be housed in the vulnerable prisoners unit which will be a lot safer than general population.
Things you should think about taking with you, 14 pairs of socks, 14 pieces of underware ( you will only get to do laundry once a week and if there is a lock down you might miss your day), Pyjamas, 2x towel and Flannel, flip flops for the shower, trainers and a good outer coat that is good for autum and winter, ensure that any personal cloths are not black or white.
For when you do get given enhanced have a blue pair of jeans and a few neutral tops that you can ware while you wait for relative to send in cloths.
roll on Deodorant, razor and three Cartridges of razor blades, shower gel, shampoo, shaving cream, toothpaste and tooth brush, hairbrush, shaving brush (none of the Toiletries can be in pressurised cans) flip flops for the shower
Find a small battery powered portable radio and ear phones, a pack of AAA and AA batteries, a book of 24 first class stamps and 24 2nd class stamps, writing pad and pen, envelopes , 4 good books, all your medication,and gp address, a spare pair of glasses if you ware them, a list of all your contact numbers and the relationship to you
Also have on you £100/£150 in cash that will be placed in the prison spends account, as it will take time for your relatives to work out the online system to send money in.
hope it helps
Thanks for reposting this list. We have been discussing the "just in case" bag so this is really helpful.
Hi Turtle
It's really difficult, but when you have kids I think you just have to get on with it really. My priority throughout this has been making sure this has had as little impact as possible on my little ones life. That's really tough as I still get asked where daddy is everyday, why has daddy gone and cries for daddy when sad. I'd say for me, this is the most heartbreaking out of everything.
The day he was sentenced was absolutely devastating, I just never prepared myself for walking out of court alone, I don't think you can really, even though I knew it was a possibility. I cried that hard for days that I had bruises on my eyes!
We packed a just in case bag which turned out to be very much needed. He wasn't allowed to take in razors, deodorant, books, stamps or paper, he was pretty much just allowed clothes (maybe because of covid). I'd say make sure you pack towels, flip flops for the showers and a list of telephone numbers if he doesn't know them and definitely cash. Not sure if you have a landline but if the worst does happen, try and get it set up as it's much cheaper than mobiles for them to call. A lot of prisons now have telephones in the cells, so he should be able to call most of the day. Phones get switched on at 7am and off at 11pm they do get turned off for an hour or two at set times in the day. It will take a little while for telephone numbers to get added to the hat they call the pin (list of approved numbers). This can take a while, it was 6 days before I heard from my husband which was truly horrendous. I did get one call on the third day from the prison to say where he was. They have TV's in the cells and can get work (although there aren't many jobs), they can also do education.
Just to prepare anyone in a similar situation, if you do want your children to have contact whilst they are in prison, social services will reassess, this wasn't as daunting as it sounds. The prison basically refer to social services who have a chat to see what level of contact you want to allow and to make sure you are aware of risks etc.
Because of Covid they have set is something call Purple Visits and which are essentially video calls, these have been great to be honest. The prisoners have to put in requests in to to have them. You then get a notification and approve the video call which will be set for a time and date chosen by the prison. There is also a service called email a prisoner which is good, but there can be delays depending on the prison and some replies make it to the other side and some don't!
Visits have just started to get back to normal, I have recently had my first visit and to be honest it wasn't that bad. I was expecting it to be awful, but it's only visitors for people in the same block and everyone is in the same boat pretty much! You can take cash to the visits and order things from the cafe for them and you.
In answer to your question though, at first I just survived and kept going for my little one, it was really hard and he will never understand the reality of what I faced. We, the partners are often the people to come off worse in the situation, we have the scrutiny of social services, the backlash from public perception and media and sometimes are quite suddenly thrown into being single parents with the financial responsibility's of two people on a single wage.
Time has passed now and we're are approaching less that 12 months to go and it does feel like the count down till he's home. As many of you know, life as you know it stops really in the build up to sentencing. I said to my husband before court that if the worst did happen, then we just have to think of it as a countdown to being able to re-start our lives agin and actually living, rather than just existing!
I do wish we would have moved before court though, all the neighbours knowing my business and judging in a small village was worse than crappy!
We are all tougher than we think and you will get through it no matter what the outcome.
It's really difficult, but when you have kids I think you just have to get on with it really. My priority throughout this has been making sure this has had as little impact as possible on my little ones life. That's really tough as I still get asked where daddy is everyday, why has daddy gone and cries for daddy when sad. I'd say for me, this is the most heartbreaking out of everything.
The day he was sentenced was absolutely devastating, I just never prepared myself for walking out of court alone, I don't think you can really, even though I knew it was a possibility. I cried that hard for days that I had bruises on my eyes!
We packed a just in case bag which turned out to be very much needed. He wasn't allowed to take in razors, deodorant, books, stamps or paper, he was pretty much just allowed clothes (maybe because of covid). I'd say make sure you pack towels, flip flops for the showers and a list of telephone numbers if he doesn't know them and definitely cash. Not sure if you have a landline but if the worst does happen, try and get it set up as it's much cheaper than mobiles for them to call. A lot of prisons now have telephones in the cells, so he should be able to call most of the day. Phones get switched on at 7am and off at 11pm they do get turned off for an hour or two at set times in the day. It will take a little while for telephone numbers to get added to the hat they call the pin (list of approved numbers). This can take a while, it was 6 days before I heard from my husband which was truly horrendous. I did get one call on the third day from the prison to say where he was. They have TV's in the cells and can get work (although there aren't many jobs), they can also do education.
Just to prepare anyone in a similar situation, if you do want your children to have contact whilst they are in prison, social services will reassess, this wasn't as daunting as it sounds. The prison basically refer to social services who have a chat to see what level of contact you want to allow and to make sure you are aware of risks etc.
Because of Covid they have set is something call Purple Visits and which are essentially video calls, these have been great to be honest. The prisoners have to put in requests in to to have them. You then get a notification and approve the video call which will be set for a time and date chosen by the prison. There is also a service called email a prisoner which is good, but there can be delays depending on the prison and some replies make it to the other side and some don't!
Visits have just started to get back to normal, I have recently had my first visit and to be honest it wasn't that bad. I was expecting it to be awful, but it's only visitors for people in the same block and everyone is in the same boat pretty much! You can take cash to the visits and order things from the cafe for them and you.
In answer to your question though, at first I just survived and kept going for my little one, it was really hard and he will never understand the reality of what I faced. We, the partners are often the people to come off worse in the situation, we have the scrutiny of social services, the backlash from public perception and media and sometimes are quite suddenly thrown into being single parents with the financial responsibility's of two people on a single wage.
Time has passed now and we're are approaching less that 12 months to go and it does feel like the count down till he's home. As many of you know, life as you know it stops really in the build up to sentencing. I said to my husband before court that if the worst did happen, then we just have to think of it as a countdown to being able to re-start our lives agin and actually living, rather than just existing!
I do wish we would have moved before court though, all the neighbours knowing my business and judging in a small village was worse than crappy!
We are all tougher than we think and you will get through it no matter what the outcome.
Just to add, if he is found guilty, social services will probably close the case until he's released and then they will reassess. I found at the time I actually needed support they were no where to be seen!
Sending cash in is quite simple now, it's a government website called send a prisoner money.
They do try (doesn't always happen) to put similar prisoners together. It will most likely be a shared cell.
They get out twice a day most days for exercise and showers.
If you are ever worried about him then you can call the safer custody team for the prison and they will check on him.
If the worst happens and you do get a call from the prison to say where he is, get the prisoner number, every prisoner is given one. You can email whilst you are waiting to have a call from him and he can reply if you pay, at least it's some communication.
My husband has said a lot of this varies on the prison, but he wasn't allowed to take in any paper, so it's best to try and memorise telephone number.
If I think of anything else I will add it.
Sending cash in is quite simple now, it's a government website called send a prisoner money.
They do try (doesn't always happen) to put similar prisoners together. It will most likely be a shared cell.
They get out twice a day most days for exercise and showers.
If you are ever worried about him then you can call the safer custody team for the prison and they will check on him.
If the worst happens and you do get a call from the prison to say where he is, get the prisoner number, every prisoner is given one. You can email whilst you are waiting to have a call from him and he can reply if you pay, at least it's some communication.
My husband has said a lot of this varies on the prison, but he wasn't allowed to take in any paper, so it's best to try and memorise telephone number.
If I think of anything else I will add it.