Family and Friends Forum

I have been meaning to reply to this since reading it the other day as I totally feel your pain. I feel that at times my children pick up on my emotions (like animals sensing a storm) even though I am trying to contain them and they test my patience more at those times (when I am not as strong as normal) more than at other times - although that could well just be my perception as I know I am not as strong at these times as normal. I am just so angry at my ex for the choice that he made as I never signed up to be a single parent and be their emotional punchbag without my own support to offload on to. They didn’t sign up to get the short straw of one overwrought, wrung our trying to hold it all together and sometimes failing miserably parent either. And then at other times it all clicks, they are amazing and everything runs smoothly and it is lovely and I really have to celebrate those times. However I will remain forever angry at my ex for the situation we are in as we had children as two parents and he opted to risk that and yet he is the one that gets the best of them when he sees them twice a week - he doesn’t have to nag about homework, untidy bedrooms, manners, behaviour etc on very little sleep whilst holding down a demanding job and everything that goes with juggling that, the kids, the house etc. This has become my moan and i’m Sorry about that but just saying....I hear ya!!! Big hugs. Xxx

I’m still with my partner but also angry at the kids! I am not allowed to leave him on his own with them so I feel like I am suffocating. If he is in the house I can’t leave. Ironically if he wasn’t here I would have more freedom

Helen, you have done fantastically over the past 2.5 years. You have kept it together, you have gone into what I call "mama bear mode". You have been protecting your kids, keeping them fed, watered and a roof over their head. Some days it's difficult just to get out of bed and that's ok. You have been under so much pressure you're bound to get irritated by your children. Even in the most "normal" family, they get annoyed by them. If anyone says they don't they're lying.



Ah they joy of celebrity cases! My husbands arrest was post Saville and Lost Prophets. This gets everyone talking and an expert in this. Fight for what YOU want, social work varies from person to person. I found this out after my first social worker left. Make sure your views are heard, if you don't feel able to you can take someone with you to any meetings.

Big Sigh, I agree that supervised access is suffocating. I chose not to stay with my partner do he comes once or twice a week to visit but when he is there I resent the restrictions on my movements! I do take the opportunity when he is there and I have to stay in one room to do my ironing, tidy that room or just sit and do something like play on my phone whilst he and the kids play computer games together - in other words I have tried to make it work for me too. I see many people talk about not leaving the room - funnily enough supervised access was never fully explained to me so with a very open plan house downstairs, I can be in the kitchen and still watch them in the living room and same for dining room so it gives me some freedom of movement. The SW has visited once when their dad was there and I was cooking in the kitchen whilst they were in the living room and she was happy with this. So some freedom. However I hate that I need to work out when he can come over and plan my week/weekend round it. It is just another one of those times when the weight of expectation is on the woman to cope / facilitate and manage. Grrrrr. This whole thing is so suffocating; the waiting, the not being able to tell others etc. I had counselling today and said if I didn’t have the children i would have upped and left for Spain the minute this happened! I feel trapped by the weight of responsibility on my shoulders.