Anyone able to help?
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We had the knock last week. downloading iioc, creating iioc. We have children, he has created iioc of our children. There is a worry that he has touched them. My head is numb. I don't understand how this could have happened? He's always been such a good dad. There's no contact with children and they don't understand why. What can I tell them? How can I help them? I've been told that I can ask them if he's touched them, but how do I even start that conversation? I don't want to plant false memories and I dont want to ruin their relationship with their dad if he hasn't touched them, but I want to know and I want to get them help if he has.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you and can only imagine the distress you're going through.
It's normal to feel a whole host of emotions and be completely overwhelmed. Try take everything one step at a time, breathe deep and take any support you are offered from anyone. Remember you don't know all the facts yet, you're likely in shock and things, including your emotions may change as you process the situation and the truth is uncovered.
I think it's a very delicate subject to approach with your children and I don't have the expertise to offer any suggestions so I would recommend getting expert help.
You can call the LFF helpline for advice and signposting to specialist counselling services. The only advice I can give is to just be there for them and let them take the lead with any conversations. I don't know how old your children are but try keep things factual and make it clear they can talk to you about anything without fear of judgement, also try not to push them for information.
Social services should be able to provide some sort of support for you all as a family. Ask every agency involved what they can offer. Don't be afraid to ask for help. You're a victim of an awful crime and anyone in your situation would have a hard time.
Do you have any family and friends you can reach out to for support for you?
Sending love and support xx
It's normal to feel a whole host of emotions and be completely overwhelmed. Try take everything one step at a time, breathe deep and take any support you are offered from anyone. Remember you don't know all the facts yet, you're likely in shock and things, including your emotions may change as you process the situation and the truth is uncovered.
I think it's a very delicate subject to approach with your children and I don't have the expertise to offer any suggestions so I would recommend getting expert help.
You can call the LFF helpline for advice and signposting to specialist counselling services. The only advice I can give is to just be there for them and let them take the lead with any conversations. I don't know how old your children are but try keep things factual and make it clear they can talk to you about anything without fear of judgement, also try not to push them for information.
Social services should be able to provide some sort of support for you all as a family. Ask every agency involved what they can offer. Don't be afraid to ask for help. You're a victim of an awful crime and anyone in your situation would have a hard time.
Do you have any family and friends you can reach out to for support for you?
Sending love and support xx
Hello. I was in the same position as you at the beginning of the year. I have 3 children between 14 and 7. There were a week where I didnt tell them much and was heartbreaking for me so I phoned the helpline, talked to a close friend and my family and social services. I explained it to my eldest separately to the younger two, I explained it in a way that was clear and honest but without giving them too much information I was worried they couldn't handle. I let them know if they had any questions or anything they needed to tell me they could. We had a book to write in, in case it was difficult to speak out loud. After a few days if processing and asking some questions I talked to the kids and told them I needed to know, because of the nature of what has happened if they had ever felt uncomfortable or asked to do something they weren't happy with in the past. I tried to keep the atmosphere as curious as I could. I let them know that they haven't done anything wrong and that this has nothing to do with him but their dad has and that he needs to be held accountable for that. It doesn't change how much we love them and that I am always here for them and anything they need, they are the most important thing to me. And that I would help them to see their dad or not see their dad depending on what they needed.
I have no idea in the long run how this will pan out for them but I can tell you that they are currently pretty happy. My partner is in court at the minute, sentencing soon, and the kids are mostly oblivious to it all. It seems their main concern is seeing me upset. They now see their dad but know they dont have to. They know I would move mountains for them. They haven't disclosed any further instances of abuse but I know that could still happen and we still have books to write in.
Sorry for the blurb. I hope it helps n some way. The best thing I did was find an excellent therapist early on who supports me and in turn I find it easier to support them.
Ring the helpline and much love and strength in finding a way through. Confide in someone you trust to help you through
I have no idea in the long run how this will pan out for them but I can tell you that they are currently pretty happy. My partner is in court at the minute, sentencing soon, and the kids are mostly oblivious to it all. It seems their main concern is seeing me upset. They now see their dad but know they dont have to. They know I would move mountains for them. They haven't disclosed any further instances of abuse but I know that could still happen and we still have books to write in.
Sorry for the blurb. I hope it helps n some way. The best thing I did was find an excellent therapist early on who supports me and in turn I find it easier to support them.
Ring the helpline and much love and strength in finding a way through. Confide in someone you trust to help you through
Also SS can talk to your children about it. I didnt trust them to do this howvi felt it should be done but they will if you need them to or need help.
Just wanted to check with you saying "creating" is that the same as making? As that doesn't mean what you think making is basically downloading I don't know why they use that term, incase you are worried he has made them of your children.