Family ambush
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Hi, it's been a while since I have posted and I wish I messaged on here more often as I have been really struggling and haven't realised.
I have shut myself off as I have no one to talk about how I'm feeling with apart from my partner who is going through this himself. I don't want to talk to my family about it as they are massively against us being together and have said and are still saying horrible things to me still.
I have now got a new job which requires me to work from home end of this month and I have put all my work equipment at my partners place and I let my mum know I would be around his more often which she doesn't like. Yesterday I mention to her about moving out to his as I would be working from home 5 days a week and it doesn't seem logical to go back and forth when I am welcome there and the landlord said I could live there. My mum took it really well, even though I had spent weeks building up the courage to tell her and my anxiety was really bad. I went to work today feeling really positive about it and thinking what date to move out. When I got home from work my mum and nan where sat in the front room and that's that's the ambush happened.
They said all sorts of things telling me to leave him and not move it with him and I am not mentally stable and I don't have a life and need to be on my own. I felt so attacked and pressured when I didn't chose this for myself. All I want is to be with him but my family keep telling me you don't want to be with him and if you end it now it will hurt less. And they keep talking to me as if I am breaking up with him when that's not what I want. I am really really struggling, they are pushing me further and further away and they aren't helping me. I really need some light on mine and my partners future it's been 3 months since the knock now.
I have shut myself off as I have no one to talk about how I'm feeling with apart from my partner who is going through this himself. I don't want to talk to my family about it as they are massively against us being together and have said and are still saying horrible things to me still.
I have now got a new job which requires me to work from home end of this month and I have put all my work equipment at my partners place and I let my mum know I would be around his more often which she doesn't like. Yesterday I mention to her about moving out to his as I would be working from home 5 days a week and it doesn't seem logical to go back and forth when I am welcome there and the landlord said I could live there. My mum took it really well, even though I had spent weeks building up the courage to tell her and my anxiety was really bad. I went to work today feeling really positive about it and thinking what date to move out. When I got home from work my mum and nan where sat in the front room and that's that's the ambush happened.
They said all sorts of things telling me to leave him and not move it with him and I am not mentally stable and I don't have a life and need to be on my own. I felt so attacked and pressured when I didn't chose this for myself. All I want is to be with him but my family keep telling me you don't want to be with him and if you end it now it will hurt less. And they keep talking to me as if I am breaking up with him when that's not what I want. I am really really struggling, they are pushing me further and further away and they aren't helping me. I really need some light on mine and my partners future it's been 3 months since the knock now.
Hi,
I am sorry ur family are not being helpful to u at all, u need to do wat is right for u and no one else. If moving in with him is going to make u happy then do it, as people keep saying u only get 1 life so do wat makes u happy xx always here if u want to chat x
I am sorry ur family are not being helpful to u at all, u need to do wat is right for u and no one else. If moving in with him is going to make u happy then do it, as people keep saying u only get 1 life so do wat makes u happy xx always here if u want to chat x
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Hi Lish,
Congratulations on your job that's brilliant news and I hope you're proud of yourself!
Reading your story makes me very sad and wish I could hug you through the screen. I understand how difficult it is when you're family is against your partner and you need their support. As much as I would love to tell you to ignore them completely I want to make sure that you're definitely doing the right thing by siding with him as I feel as though you're young and I myself wasted over 10 years of my life in 2 relationships which my family did not approve of and had I listened to them it would've saved me heart ache and probably a lot of issues a therapist would uncover if I went to one! In fact I wish my Mum had banned me from seeing my first partner and grounded me indefinitely at the start (I was 15, he was 20 and a *insert worst name possible here*). I obviously know nothing about your partner - how he treats you, his character and whether he makes you happy (before the knock and after), only you know that and if he ticks all of your boxes then stick by him. If he doesn't then have a think about what your family said about being on your own, there is a lot to discover in the world and there are billions of people out there too. From what you've said your family sound as though they do want the best for you but aren't great at conveying it effectively and aren't very supportive - are they like this all of the time or just because of the current situation? Have a look at the bigger picture and don't worry... You will always be ok, you are strong and life will always work out for you whatever happens. You managed to get yourself a new job throughout this mess and you're doing well, take it a day at a time.
Sending love xx
Congratulations on your job that's brilliant news and I hope you're proud of yourself!
Reading your story makes me very sad and wish I could hug you through the screen. I understand how difficult it is when you're family is against your partner and you need their support. As much as I would love to tell you to ignore them completely I want to make sure that you're definitely doing the right thing by siding with him as I feel as though you're young and I myself wasted over 10 years of my life in 2 relationships which my family did not approve of and had I listened to them it would've saved me heart ache and probably a lot of issues a therapist would uncover if I went to one! In fact I wish my Mum had banned me from seeing my first partner and grounded me indefinitely at the start (I was 15, he was 20 and a *insert worst name possible here*). I obviously know nothing about your partner - how he treats you, his character and whether he makes you happy (before the knock and after), only you know that and if he ticks all of your boxes then stick by him. If he doesn't then have a think about what your family said about being on your own, there is a lot to discover in the world and there are billions of people out there too. From what you've said your family sound as though they do want the best for you but aren't great at conveying it effectively and aren't very supportive - are they like this all of the time or just because of the current situation? Have a look at the bigger picture and don't worry... You will always be ok, you are strong and life will always work out for you whatever happens. You managed to get yourself a new job throughout this mess and you're doing well, take it a day at a time.
Sending love xx
Hi Lish97,
I often wonder how you are doing as my own knock was a similar time to yours and I recall the pressures from my parents to leave my partner too well.
I'm so sorry that they are continuing to give you a hard time. As you say, you played no part in this situation so it is unfair that they are not supporting you. I stayed with my parents for two weeks after the knock and my mental health suffered greatly. It was too much to try and deal with their thoughts and feelings on top of my own so I decided to go back to my own house where my partner was still residing. The day before I left, it all came to blows. Me and my parents spent hours in hysterics arguing and crying. I honestly thought at that point we would never have a relationship again but at the end of that conversation, we all agreed that in spite of this devastating situation, we would not want to lose our relationship.
Immediately after I came home, the panic attacks stopped and I would say the relationship with my parents is now better as I felt like I was no longer walking on eggshells. Of course, they still worry and struggle to accept what my partner has done and the damage it has caused but they do respect my decision to be in my own house and work on my relationship. I have also found that since moving back, I have continued to live a more "normal" life. I see my friends as often as I can (this support is invaluable for me) - they do not know whats happened but surprisingly it is nice to hear of other people's problems. I find it comforting to know that life still goes on.
Really, I think what I'm trying to say and echo from others is that you have to do what is best for you. No doubt, moving to your partners will cause some distress but if you think it will help you in the longterm, then thats what you have to do.
Sending a big hug and hope your new job is going well - you got this! x
I often wonder how you are doing as my own knock was a similar time to yours and I recall the pressures from my parents to leave my partner too well.
I'm so sorry that they are continuing to give you a hard time. As you say, you played no part in this situation so it is unfair that they are not supporting you. I stayed with my parents for two weeks after the knock and my mental health suffered greatly. It was too much to try and deal with their thoughts and feelings on top of my own so I decided to go back to my own house where my partner was still residing. The day before I left, it all came to blows. Me and my parents spent hours in hysterics arguing and crying. I honestly thought at that point we would never have a relationship again but at the end of that conversation, we all agreed that in spite of this devastating situation, we would not want to lose our relationship.
Immediately after I came home, the panic attacks stopped and I would say the relationship with my parents is now better as I felt like I was no longer walking on eggshells. Of course, they still worry and struggle to accept what my partner has done and the damage it has caused but they do respect my decision to be in my own house and work on my relationship. I have also found that since moving back, I have continued to live a more "normal" life. I see my friends as often as I can (this support is invaluable for me) - they do not know whats happened but surprisingly it is nice to hear of other people's problems. I find it comforting to know that life still goes on.
Really, I think what I'm trying to say and echo from others is that you have to do what is best for you. No doubt, moving to your partners will cause some distress but if you think it will help you in the longterm, then thats what you have to do.
Sending a big hug and hope your new job is going well - you got this! x
Hi all,
Thank you so much honestly for the messages they have really really helped me. My family have always been very judgy and strict with me and my life and what I do and even worse now this has happened.
I feel so alone when I'm home my sister who is 17 throws digs at me and I'm not happy at home. I am so happy at my partners and he truly makes me happy I know he's not this person and he needs help. I have suffered so bad with my anxiety and depression recently. Everyday is a struggle to not want to leave the house but I push myself to do it. I have practically been living at my partners and when I go home just to please my mum all I want to do is leave.
I understand why my family are so upset I just want them to stop treating me this way. I had a family meal recently and went and my auntie did speak to me or acknowledge me at all and it really hurt. I am aware I will loose family but its so unfair to treat me this way. They are all making my mental health worse especially telling me he's lying to me and he doesn't love me and I am not mentally stable.
It's just unfair.
Thank you so much honestly for the messages they have really really helped me. My family have always been very judgy and strict with me and my life and what I do and even worse now this has happened.
I feel so alone when I'm home my sister who is 17 throws digs at me and I'm not happy at home. I am so happy at my partners and he truly makes me happy I know he's not this person and he needs help. I have suffered so bad with my anxiety and depression recently. Everyday is a struggle to not want to leave the house but I push myself to do it. I have practically been living at my partners and when I go home just to please my mum all I want to do is leave.
I understand why my family are so upset I just want them to stop treating me this way. I had a family meal recently and went and my auntie did speak to me or acknowledge me at all and it really hurt. I am aware I will loose family but its so unfair to treat me this way. They are all making my mental health worse especially telling me he's lying to me and he doesn't love me and I am not mentally stable.
It's just unfair.