Family
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No idea how to start this so I'll just be blunt about everything.
I'm fairly young compared to most of the people here, who seem to have kids of their own. I'm 20 years old and don't have a family.
When I say this, I mean a close emotional relationship that would be counted as having a family. I have parents and brothers but have been a carer at home since the age of 6. My parents didn't listen to me when I tried to reach out with my depression, openly laughed when I told them about my rape, and are not there generally. My brothers are disabled so they are their main focus. I live alone 150 miles from them.
My partner is my family. My partner is a pedophile and a pervert. He taped me and friends in the shower (separately obviously, although two of them were dating and my partner had openly said he would drop me for her). He catfished people trying to use intimate photos of me to do this, assuming I would be fine with it. He is addicted to porn. He is manipulative and a liar. He is also the best man I've ever met. He regrets everything and has developed severe clinical depression as a result of his actions, their contribution to a darker world online, nameless children worldwide, and to me. He has been a loving partner to me and has genuinely changed. The most illegal and immoral thing he does now is stream movies and music online for free. This doesn't negate his past actions, however.
None of these things add up. I'm confused myself, and worried. We've only been together for 2.5 years but so much has happened, my world has changed completely and I'm not the same person I was before. I don't think that he is using me because I'm a "doormat", because I am definitely not. I made him tell his parents what happened. That's in another post on here and I'm still angry about how his family portrayed me.
One day I hope to have my own family, although any children involved can't be mine. I am a carrier for a rare genetic disease for which there is no cure. It's like autism but more towards the severe end of the spectrum, and with physical traits as well. Is it right for me to have a family with my partner? Am I asking for trouble?
In addition to all this I want to go into education of young and vulnerable children. I'm over what my partner has done in the past, but have questioned if it's right to be over it. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone screws up. He threatened to kill me when he told me about his online porn habits. I'm over it. For better or worse I'm so over everything. Looking forwards is more important. I've made difficult choices.
Family is important. Do whatever necessary to safeguard your children. They are innocents and have to be protected. You brought them into the world. Don't let them end up alone.
I'm fairly young compared to most of the people here, who seem to have kids of their own. I'm 20 years old and don't have a family.
When I say this, I mean a close emotional relationship that would be counted as having a family. I have parents and brothers but have been a carer at home since the age of 6. My parents didn't listen to me when I tried to reach out with my depression, openly laughed when I told them about my rape, and are not there generally. My brothers are disabled so they are their main focus. I live alone 150 miles from them.
My partner is my family. My partner is a pedophile and a pervert. He taped me and friends in the shower (separately obviously, although two of them were dating and my partner had openly said he would drop me for her). He catfished people trying to use intimate photos of me to do this, assuming I would be fine with it. He is addicted to porn. He is manipulative and a liar. He is also the best man I've ever met. He regrets everything and has developed severe clinical depression as a result of his actions, their contribution to a darker world online, nameless children worldwide, and to me. He has been a loving partner to me and has genuinely changed. The most illegal and immoral thing he does now is stream movies and music online for free. This doesn't negate his past actions, however.
None of these things add up. I'm confused myself, and worried. We've only been together for 2.5 years but so much has happened, my world has changed completely and I'm not the same person I was before. I don't think that he is using me because I'm a "doormat", because I am definitely not. I made him tell his parents what happened. That's in another post on here and I'm still angry about how his family portrayed me.
One day I hope to have my own family, although any children involved can't be mine. I am a carrier for a rare genetic disease for which there is no cure. It's like autism but more towards the severe end of the spectrum, and with physical traits as well. Is it right for me to have a family with my partner? Am I asking for trouble?
In addition to all this I want to go into education of young and vulnerable children. I'm over what my partner has done in the past, but have questioned if it's right to be over it. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone screws up. He threatened to kill me when he told me about his online porn habits. I'm over it. For better or worse I'm so over everything. Looking forwards is more important. I've made difficult choices.
Family is important. Do whatever necessary to safeguard your children. They are innocents and have to be protected. You brought them into the world. Don't let them end up alone.
Tasha you have been though so much for someone so young. It seems like you have had not much support, you may feel like you don't need it but it might be worth you seeing a councellor to help process all that you have had to deal with. You use very strong words like paedophile and pervert to describe your partner, I cannot remember if you said he was being prosecuted for the things he has done online. You say you are over it but is that really true. Is he really over all of it? What has he done to prove he is stopping all this behaviour, has he put software on his devices to provent being able to access adult content, has he joined a therapy group, done the modules on stop it now and things like that?, addiction is a powerful thing whatever the addiction is, it a life long commitment to change. Love is also a very powerful thing, you are young and have a whole wonderful life to enjoy, be careful what choices you make and be sure they are ones that make you happy, safe and give you the opportunity to achieve your dreams. It's easy to be manipulated by others and not even know, if you feel you are in an abusive or controlling relationship (even if you are not sure if you are) it's worth a chat with womens aid. If you want a family and want a career working with young vulnerable people then i think maybe you need to strike out alone and find that dream, its ok to be alone. If you are determined to make your relationship work be sure he is not a paedophile or pervert, be sure he is kind, loving, supportive, protective, fun and he is truely committed to change. Seek support for yourself especially as you are unable to find support from your family.
Hi Tasha, I'm not very old. We had our children young. By your age we had our first and my husband was early 20s when he was convicted. The good part about being young is you have time to work on things thoroughly and you bounce back easier.
One thing I realised was you said your partner was a peadophile. This word is used a lot and the meaning of it often gets lost. You said he was addicted to porn, with most porn addicts they seek more and more extreme porn. It's much like drug addiction, you start off with something small then end up on class A extremes. It's easy to get lost in it, my husband had 1000s of indecent images but is not a paedophile, he us not sexually attracted to children. Your partner has made really crappy choices but like you say, you love him. You can do something wrong but still be a good person.
Your career wont be affected, get onto courses and study hard. Don't let your past, or his, hold you back. This situation has made me stronger, I have worked with charities to support those in similar situations. I have new qualifications in womans rights, I am an ally of the LGBTQ++ community. I also support vulnerable adults in employment. None if the work I do is paid. I had restrictions on my availability due to children and supervision. Some companies may judge if it's a high profile case that is easily found when googled.
When it comes to having children, you cross that bridge when you're ready. I have no idea how it will work but I'm sure someone will!
One thing I realised was you said your partner was a peadophile. This word is used a lot and the meaning of it often gets lost. You said he was addicted to porn, with most porn addicts they seek more and more extreme porn. It's much like drug addiction, you start off with something small then end up on class A extremes. It's easy to get lost in it, my husband had 1000s of indecent images but is not a paedophile, he us not sexually attracted to children. Your partner has made really crappy choices but like you say, you love him. You can do something wrong but still be a good person.
Your career wont be affected, get onto courses and study hard. Don't let your past, or his, hold you back. This situation has made me stronger, I have worked with charities to support those in similar situations. I have new qualifications in womans rights, I am an ally of the LGBTQ++ community. I also support vulnerable adults in employment. None if the work I do is paid. I had restrictions on my availability due to children and supervision. Some companies may judge if it's a high profile case that is easily found when googled.
When it comes to having children, you cross that bridge when you're ready. I have no idea how it will work but I'm sure someone will!
Hey guys, thanks for the nice replies, they made me feel a little calmer about things.
I meant every word I said. He is a pedophile and watched child porn for an unknown number of years. He is a pervert who secretly recorded people and got off to it, all while lying about it.
I have been in counseling for various reasons for years and have been on antidepressants for almost as long. The only thing that's moved me forwards is music.
I've not turned him in and I'd never turn him in, so there won't be any police or social involved unless something drastic happens or he goes back to it. I told him I'd turn him in if he started again.
I meant every word I said. He is a pedophile and watched child porn for an unknown number of years. He is a pervert who secretly recorded people and got off to it, all while lying about it.
I have been in counseling for various reasons for years and have been on antidepressants for almost as long. The only thing that's moved me forwards is music.
I've not turned him in and I'd never turn him in, so there won't be any police or social involved unless something drastic happens or he goes back to it. I told him I'd turn him in if he started again.