Fed up of hearing it will all be ok
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Hi,
I'm a new member and after nearly 3 months of struggling with my emotions and struggling to cope I'm so glad I found this forum. Never in my life have I ever felt so lonely and so unsupported. Those who promised to support me only done it to look good on paper by the looks of it. I must have wrote this post 5 times already but never had the guts to post it, but I need to find support from somewhere.
we had the knock 4th of September. Our home was searched with 3 kids left upstairs alone wondering what was happening and I wasn't able to get to them (breaks my heart). The police ended up taking about 9 devices as they found evidence that my husband had been on the kik app on his phone. He is now released on bail whilst they try and search for more evidence. After asking him what has happened he admitted to watching normal porn on a group via the app whilst I was asleep. He had to click pictures to watch them or see them apparently (I have no idea about this app so this is all new to me) little did he know their was indecent photos/videos mixed up in there too. Him being a fool didn't think about reporting the images and just scrolled past. After about 2 weeks he then found all the videos downloaded on his phone (he apparently didn't know this happened when he clicked them). As soon as he saw them he deleted the lot off the phone and from the bin and deleted app. He was a heavy drinker and says he doesn't remember much more. I'm absolutely broken and feel so betrayed that he did this in the same room as me whilst I slept. He is allowed supervised visit with our girls by me at home but can not sleep here.
I want to believe him but a part of me thinks I need to keep my wits and protect myself especially with 3 girls involved.
since being released on bail he is getting help with his drinking and depression.
I have been cleared by social services as safe for our children and now in the process of his risk assessment. Seems like after this situation nothing is secret anymore. I was such a private person, Didn't think for a second they would ask questions about my sex life with him. I feel like I'm being punished for his errors. Everything just seems to be taking so long. I've been waiting for my assessment paperwork for 4 weeks already from the ss.
its honestly like my whole world has been turnt upside down and I have to try and be strong for my children.
I'm a new member and after nearly 3 months of struggling with my emotions and struggling to cope I'm so glad I found this forum. Never in my life have I ever felt so lonely and so unsupported. Those who promised to support me only done it to look good on paper by the looks of it. I must have wrote this post 5 times already but never had the guts to post it, but I need to find support from somewhere.
we had the knock 4th of September. Our home was searched with 3 kids left upstairs alone wondering what was happening and I wasn't able to get to them (breaks my heart). The police ended up taking about 9 devices as they found evidence that my husband had been on the kik app on his phone. He is now released on bail whilst they try and search for more evidence. After asking him what has happened he admitted to watching normal porn on a group via the app whilst I was asleep. He had to click pictures to watch them or see them apparently (I have no idea about this app so this is all new to me) little did he know their was indecent photos/videos mixed up in there too. Him being a fool didn't think about reporting the images and just scrolled past. After about 2 weeks he then found all the videos downloaded on his phone (he apparently didn't know this happened when he clicked them). As soon as he saw them he deleted the lot off the phone and from the bin and deleted app. He was a heavy drinker and says he doesn't remember much more. I'm absolutely broken and feel so betrayed that he did this in the same room as me whilst I slept. He is allowed supervised visit with our girls by me at home but can not sleep here.
I want to believe him but a part of me thinks I need to keep my wits and protect myself especially with 3 girls involved.
since being released on bail he is getting help with his drinking and depression.
I have been cleared by social services as safe for our children and now in the process of his risk assessment. Seems like after this situation nothing is secret anymore. I was such a private person, Didn't think for a second they would ask questions about my sex life with him. I feel like I'm being punished for his errors. Everything just seems to be taking so long. I've been waiting for my assessment paperwork for 4 weeks already from the ss.
its honestly like my whole world has been turnt upside down and I have to try and be strong for my children.
Just had to comment and say I'm a year into the knock no devices back yet and he's not been charged with anything as of yet. I've a girl from a previous relationship and a boy with my now ex we have not been allowed contact but social services are doing the checks on him and his family as they will be supervising any future contact. My daughter wants nothing to do with him and thinks her brother shouldn't either. I've told social services no contact until he's charged in case he gets a custodial sentence and I don't want to be the one explaining it to my son. Social services told me I had to speak to my solicitor to stop contact for now but my solicitor says I have to make my feelings clear to social services to stop it. Sorry I'm rambling. You are doing a good job with ur girls. Take care x
Hello,
I'm so sorry you are here. Its an awful situation and the early days are so traumatic.
I hate the stay strong advice. I was discussing it on here yesterday! It's rough/tough. So.many questions and doubts. I too am an extremely private person. Having just been through sentencing and media attention I can honestly say the thought is worse than living it. Of course its not a pleasant experience but I'm still here. Life is returning to a controlled routine. It's felt out of my control for so so long.
Things will improve. Keep checking in here. Someone here described the process as a snowglobe. It'll be shaken and then settle.
Xxx
I'm so sorry you are here. Its an awful situation and the early days are so traumatic.
I hate the stay strong advice. I was discussing it on here yesterday! It's rough/tough. So.many questions and doubts. I too am an extremely private person. Having just been through sentencing and media attention I can honestly say the thought is worse than living it. Of course its not a pleasant experience but I'm still here. Life is returning to a controlled routine. It's felt out of my control for so so long.
Things will improve. Keep checking in here. Someone here described the process as a snowglobe. It'll be shaken and then settle.
Xxx
Thank you so much for your replies. My children do want to see him and his bail conditions don't gives times he is allowed to visit so he's here when they wake and leaves when they're in bed asleep. With the youngest being 5 we're trying to keep things as normal as possible for their sakes. If it's not the stay strong you can do this quote constantly being repeated it's the tell him not to come round and give yourself a day off. Almost like they believe he did do it. It's a heartbreaking situation but I'm so glad I have found other people who know exactly how I'm feeling which can only make me that little stronger for my kids. Im dreading the media attention, I really hope it doesn't get that far, just hope he is telling me the truth and that the police just give him a warning. That description seems to sum it up perfectly. X
Rusty
can I ask if you needed to go to court? My partner has told me nothing and I haven't spoke to him in 6 months. We do calls but I don't agree that face to face contact is appropriate. My children have major behaviour problems after a zoom and i genuinely do not feel it is in their interest. Added to the fact there is likely to be a high custodial sentence. I am prepared for court and have evidence ready but just trying to prepare myself
can I ask if you needed to go to court? My partner has told me nothing and I haven't spoke to him in 6 months. We do calls but I don't agree that face to face contact is appropriate. My children have major behaviour problems after a zoom and i genuinely do not feel it is in their interest. Added to the fact there is likely to be a high custodial sentence. I am prepared for court and have evidence ready but just trying to prepare myself
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I have a friend that keeps telling me it will be ok that I will be ok. She tells me that he's done what he's done and people will understand and not blame me or judge me. I know some will judge me and I'll probably get comments, dirty looks and the pitty looks. I know this because I judge myself, I blame myself I can't help it I can't help asking did I do something or not do something for him to do what he did? How do I expect them to understand when I don't?
look after urself x
look after urself x