I feel I’m Living a lie and deceiving others
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How do you cope on the school run? My son started school in September and has a best friend who he loves to bits and she thinks the world of him and me and her mum have become friends (talking in the playground and messaging) . He was recently invited to a party by one of his school friends and I wouldn't have gone but my son was looking forward to it so we went but I felt guilty I couldn't help thinking they wouldn't want us there is they knew what we were going through with my ex his dad (a year since the knock and not charged yet). My son keeps getting invited to his school friends homes for a play date but up to now ive agreed he can go but nothing has been arranged between parents. Again I can't help think if they knew would they want us there? Some of the other mums will say hello or acknowledge me in other ways even stop to talk to me but I try not to get too friendly as I'd be hurt if they ever stopped doing it. If I'm walking they will offer me lifts which I decline but I don't want to seem rude. Has anyone experienced bad situations on the school run when everything was made public? I want it all over with so I can move on and see who my friends really are in the end. I know I'll loose some along the way and I realise they won't be worth the worry but I'd be hurt if my son lost friends through this
thanks for reading
thanks for reading
Hi Rusty,
I no how u feel, to be honest my husbands was online ( sentencing) but the mums in my youngest school, have been amazing no one has ever said anything.i am like u I don't want to get to friendly with them as I feel they wouldn't want to no us, hence I live a little lie as at school I make out we are separated ( he doesn't live at home ) so it's easier but I've recently got talking to a mum who had invited me for coffee I've told her when I'm feeling better but I'm dreading it. I no it is hard but honestly if u r staying separated if anything comes up tell them u found his behaviour unacceptable hence the split. Hope this helps
I no how u feel, to be honest my husbands was online ( sentencing) but the mums in my youngest school, have been amazing no one has ever said anything.i am like u I don't want to get to friendly with them as I feel they wouldn't want to no us, hence I live a little lie as at school I make out we are separated ( he doesn't live at home ) so it's easier but I've recently got talking to a mum who had invited me for coffee I've told her when I'm feeling better but I'm dreading it. I no it is hard but honestly if u r staying separated if anything comes up tell them u found his behaviour unacceptable hence the split. Hope this helps
Rusty I have these same Thoughts all of the time. I have a very good network of school mums who I am petrified that they will not want to know me or my children if this gets out.
this is why I want to separate as I don't want my children and me to be tarnished with the same brush and feel like my children will more likely to be more included in things if people can see that I am not tolerating my husband. However here I am still allowing him to be living at home for the sake of the children whilst I am hating every minute of it.
my children keep asking if they can have their friends over to play/ stay over and I keep saying no! I am being seen as being really mean when really I just don't know what to do for the best!
this is why I want to separate as I don't want my children and me to be tarnished with the same brush and feel like my children will more likely to be more included in things if people can see that I am not tolerating my husband. However here I am still allowing him to be living at home for the sake of the children whilst I am hating every minute of it.
my children keep asking if they can have their friends over to play/ stay over and I keep saying no! I am being seen as being really mean when really I just don't know what to do for the best!
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Same concerns here. Some of the mums are being extra nosey as I think they know it is a complex break up. So I know they will thrive in the gossip.
It also doesn't help that one of the sergeants .... knows about the situation and is also on the school run....
but this is the thing I dread the most. I could even do another knock...
i tuink the hardest is the kids want play dates in the house. The house needs lots of DIY (he was always on phone so wouldn't do it) so I am embarrassed to have people over. I am learning lots on google to do the work myself but time is tight
But also I worry about what people will say after..
Just wanted to say I hear you and it isn't easy xx
It also doesn't help that one of the sergeants .... knows about the situation and is also on the school run....
but this is the thing I dread the most. I could even do another knock...
i tuink the hardest is the kids want play dates in the house. The house needs lots of DIY (he was always on phone so wouldn't do it) so I am embarrassed to have people over. I am learning lots on google to do the work myself but time is tight
But also I worry about what people will say after..
Just wanted to say I hear you and it isn't easy xx
Thank you all for ur comments.
Dawn- I've found being separated people are more on my side which I don't think they would have been if we had stayed together. Friends who I've told who I thought would have a opinion on me don't they just have them on him. So hopefully school run mums will be the same.
starry- I didn't want to separate but was forced to the social worker said it was my kids or him. It was hard at first but a year down the line it's a little easier. I do miss him at times but it's the old him the young him when we first got together 10 years ago and not the man who viewed the online sites.
smile through the tears- I've found myself telling people that he cheated on me I caught him with her and he now lives in the next town with someone else (kinda does as he's in a shared accommodation). Funnily most people assumed this and asked me if this is what happened which was easy to nod along to and smile without meeting there gaze. My family say to let them believe this and if the truth ever comes out to tell them he was arrested after he left us (over a year after the knock and not charged yet)
nemisis- I kinda had the same as u on the school run but it's the partner of one of the union reps from our company his parents went to for advice that I feared the most. I've since found out she knows about it all and my best friend did some digging and found out from her that she's on my side. She's annoyed his parents went for help and advice for him and not for me for what support I could receive or how my work could help me. She doesn't blame me she said it's all his fault, felt sorry for me and often asks after me to my friend. I've been told any hassle at school and she's on my side. As for the DIY we had moved into the home we shared a year before the knock so lots still not completed but I can live with rooms half decorated. I've had to repair hoovers, cookers, kids toys and investigate a leak under the sink. With the power of google and YouTube anything is possible and I'm not afraid to roll my sleeves up and have a go. I've even fixed machinery at work much to the despair of my manger who feared I'd brake them. My response was it's already f****d what's the worse I can do?
i just want it all over with and the police and social services off my back.
I tried to write a bit on each of ur comments but it's hard to remember who wrote what.
stay safe and strong.
Dawn- I've found being separated people are more on my side which I don't think they would have been if we had stayed together. Friends who I've told who I thought would have a opinion on me don't they just have them on him. So hopefully school run mums will be the same.
starry- I didn't want to separate but was forced to the social worker said it was my kids or him. It was hard at first but a year down the line it's a little easier. I do miss him at times but it's the old him the young him when we first got together 10 years ago and not the man who viewed the online sites.
smile through the tears- I've found myself telling people that he cheated on me I caught him with her and he now lives in the next town with someone else (kinda does as he's in a shared accommodation). Funnily most people assumed this and asked me if this is what happened which was easy to nod along to and smile without meeting there gaze. My family say to let them believe this and if the truth ever comes out to tell them he was arrested after he left us (over a year after the knock and not charged yet)
nemisis- I kinda had the same as u on the school run but it's the partner of one of the union reps from our company his parents went to for advice that I feared the most. I've since found out she knows about it all and my best friend did some digging and found out from her that she's on my side. She's annoyed his parents went for help and advice for him and not for me for what support I could receive or how my work could help me. She doesn't blame me she said it's all his fault, felt sorry for me and often asks after me to my friend. I've been told any hassle at school and she's on my side. As for the DIY we had moved into the home we shared a year before the knock so lots still not completed but I can live with rooms half decorated. I've had to repair hoovers, cookers, kids toys and investigate a leak under the sink. With the power of google and YouTube anything is possible and I'm not afraid to roll my sleeves up and have a go. I've even fixed machinery at work much to the despair of my manger who feared I'd brake them. My response was it's already f****d what's the worse I can do?
i just want it all over with and the police and social services off my back.
I tried to write a bit on each of ur comments but it's hard to remember who wrote what.
stay safe and strong.