P word
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Has anyone accepted that their loved one is a peodophile (hate the word) and how do you feel?
everyone around me keeps saying he is and I need to accept it, but I see him as the person I've always known and loved.
I know there are many cases where that's not the case.
xx
everyone around me keeps saying he is and I need to accept it, but I see him as the person I've always known and loved.
I know there are many cases where that's not the case.
xx
No, not a paedophile. Nice,easy label that means people don't have to think any further.
My husband developed an addiction to online pornography which gradually became more extreme until he needed illegal and extreme images, including those of children, to experience a dopamine high. He never attempted to meet or communicate with an underage person and has never been drawn towards children in his "real life". His behaviour was unacceptable and he has now acknowledged the effects his behaviour may have had for the subjects of those images. He has been working in various ways to overcome this issue but there is still much to address as a couple going forwards. And the small matter of sentencing.
As many of us have commented previously it is beyond time for society to hold a grown up conversation about the rising tide of online pornography and the sheer number of young men in particular who are getting caught up in this net of extreme, abusive and illegal imagery. And anyone who uses the word to me will get the same lecture.
My husband developed an addiction to online pornography which gradually became more extreme until he needed illegal and extreme images, including those of children, to experience a dopamine high. He never attempted to meet or communicate with an underage person and has never been drawn towards children in his "real life". His behaviour was unacceptable and he has now acknowledged the effects his behaviour may have had for the subjects of those images. He has been working in various ways to overcome this issue but there is still much to address as a couple going forwards. And the small matter of sentencing.
As many of us have commented previously it is beyond time for society to hold a grown up conversation about the rising tide of online pornography and the sheer number of young men in particular who are getting caught up in this net of extreme, abusive and illegal imagery. And anyone who uses the word to me will get the same lecture.
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I just wanted to talk about this from a different perspective as this is a possibility I have had to face up to.
I believe you are using the 'p' word as the general public perceives it, but in my mind, the p word we are disgusted by, should be the word 'predator'.
People on here are sometimes quick to vilify paedophilia and explain that their own loved one is not a paedophile. Of course I understand this, especially with media portrayal of paedophiles as predators. I cannot say for sure with my loved one and I'm sure others reading the forum have similar fears, so want them to know they are not alone.
It's important to remember paedophilia is not a crime. It is an attraction to children and I personally find it impossible to understand, but that in itself is not illegal or something an individual can help.
My son has previously said he is sexually attracted to children and sought internet help for this, the police found evidence of this on his devices. It's impossible to know if this is or was actually the case due to serious mental health issues at the time but it's a possibility that I need to be open to.
As his mother, it's a shocking, devastating and confusing prospect all at once.
In my opinion, whilst not illegal in itself paedophilia, (even if never acted on) is something that absolutely needs professional support to unravel and address. STOPSO can offer support to those struggling with attraction to children and I think LFF can as well. I believe with STOPSO, you can work anonymously with these therapists as well so if anyone out there is struggling with this, give them a call. There is help out there!
Committing offences against children, whether online or in person is unacceptable, no question. And that attraction increases the risk of the individual being a risk to children as well as fighting an internal battle with themselves. An identity crisis and/or a sense of disgust about what you feel is going to cause issues for anyone in my opinion, especially when it's about something that is so stigmatised.
It's an issue that needs to be addressed not it doesn't automatically dictate that paedophiles are bad people..
I believe you are using the 'p' word as the general public perceives it, but in my mind, the p word we are disgusted by, should be the word 'predator'.
People on here are sometimes quick to vilify paedophilia and explain that their own loved one is not a paedophile. Of course I understand this, especially with media portrayal of paedophiles as predators. I cannot say for sure with my loved one and I'm sure others reading the forum have similar fears, so want them to know they are not alone.
It's important to remember paedophilia is not a crime. It is an attraction to children and I personally find it impossible to understand, but that in itself is not illegal or something an individual can help.
My son has previously said he is sexually attracted to children and sought internet help for this, the police found evidence of this on his devices. It's impossible to know if this is or was actually the case due to serious mental health issues at the time but it's a possibility that I need to be open to.
As his mother, it's a shocking, devastating and confusing prospect all at once.
In my opinion, whilst not illegal in itself paedophilia, (even if never acted on) is something that absolutely needs professional support to unravel and address. STOPSO can offer support to those struggling with attraction to children and I think LFF can as well. I believe with STOPSO, you can work anonymously with these therapists as well so if anyone out there is struggling with this, give them a call. There is help out there!
Committing offences against children, whether online or in person is unacceptable, no question. And that attraction increases the risk of the individual being a risk to children as well as fighting an internal battle with themselves. An identity crisis and/or a sense of disgust about what you feel is going to cause issues for anyone in my opinion, especially when it's about something that is so stigmatised.
It's an issue that needs to be addressed not it doesn't automatically dictate that paedophiles are bad people..
An interesting point there Grace / a point I hadnt thought of....
It's very interesting what you said Grace and very valid! I watched a documentary years ago on this subject and it was very interesting, think it was Channel 4. A man came out and said he is a Paedophile, he can't help it and didn't ask to be this way but has never acted on his attraction and would never, he did it to raise awareness that there is little to no help for people who feel this way and I had such sympathy for him as he was a lovely man. I think you're so right in what you said. Xx
It was called The Paedophile Next Door and was on Channel 4 in 2014 if anyone wanted to go and have a look for it on Youtube or something. Xx
I've found it on Youtube: The Paedophile Next Door (True Crime Documentary) | Real Stories
I've found it on Youtube: The Paedophile Next Door (True Crime Documentary) | Real Stories
I saw that programme too, long before this and did feel that it was a sad situation for people to be in. And then carried on with my life because of course it wasn't relevant.
I always assumed that if people accessed IIOC they were sexually attracted to children but obviously we know that's often not the case.
I've been shocked to discover how many people are affected by these crimes and to learn about the different reasons why it happens. I'm sure many of you, like me, have learned so much and bow have a different perspective about but all.
As so many on here have said, we desperately need to have open conversations as a society about this so that we can address the issues and actually look at solutions without destroying so many lives.
Here's hoping things slowly change! I know lots of people have talked about writing books about their stories and I'm likely to do the same.
Hopefully we can contribute a little bit to increasing awareness in society and starting those conversations..
X
I always assumed that if people accessed IIOC they were sexually attracted to children but obviously we know that's often not the case.
I've been shocked to discover how many people are affected by these crimes and to learn about the different reasons why it happens. I'm sure many of you, like me, have learned so much and bow have a different perspective about but all.
As so many on here have said, we desperately need to have open conversations as a society about this so that we can address the issues and actually look at solutions without destroying so many lives.
Here's hoping things slowly change! I know lots of people have talked about writing books about their stories and I'm likely to do the same.
Hopefully we can contribute a little bit to increasing awareness in society and starting those conversations..
X
Agreed Grace! Whenever I see a post about people being convicted of iioc or conversations and read the comments it's actually the younger generation who are the most vocal of their intolerance for paedophiles. To be fair though the majority of these people are uneducated and unwilling to participate in meaningful conversations about the subject so I won't waste my breath and I just hope (or do I) that they never find themselves in a position in which they have to beg people to understand the deeper issues and find basic levels of compassion or humanity. Xx
by intolerance for paedophiles. I mean they just put everyone in box and it's a case closed matter with no thought about context or deeper issues. It's sometimes hard to articulate what you mean on here without worry for saying it wrong and unintentionally offending somebody x
by intolerance for paedophiles. I mean they just put everyone in box and it's a case closed matter with no thought about context or deeper issues. It's sometimes hard to articulate what you mean on here without worry for saying it wrong and unintentionally offending somebody x