Can't trust anyone
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A week ago, after the knock and two failed suicide attempts, our gp arranged a home visit by the Crisis team to assess my husband. He talked mostkm about the arrest, both his guilt and shame and trying to understand why he did it. Which isn't their area, I understand that, and they told him so, before changing the subject to things like how we met, how long we've been married, etc. Very relaxed and comfortable.
So when the copy of the notes to the gp arrived, it was crushing. They've highlighted that he was "in night clothes; minimal self care evident" (dressing gown, and let's be honest, who looks good when they've just tried to kill themselves twice?). They have also categorised him as a "moderate" risk to others, worse, a "severe" risk to.children. They know nothing of the case (online only) or images involved, and have no basis for the risk level. They were only here half an hour.
IM really scared of the impact this will have in the case if the police dig it up. How confidential are these things? Theyve jumped to a conclusion based on very little and I'm frightened it's the nail in the coffin.
So when the copy of the notes to the gp arrived, it was crushing. They've highlighted that he was "in night clothes; minimal self care evident" (dressing gown, and let's be honest, who looks good when they've just tried to kill themselves twice?). They have also categorised him as a "moderate" risk to others, worse, a "severe" risk to.children. They know nothing of the case (online only) or images involved, and have no basis for the risk level. They were only here half an hour.
IM really scared of the impact this will have in the case if the police dig it up. How confidential are these things? Theyve jumped to a conclusion based on very little and I'm frightened it's the nail in the coffin.
Kls
yout not alone, my husband had the crisis team involved too. Think lots of men feel very suicidal, they just don’t espect their fantasy world to crash down around them. It’s a shock for them just as well as us. And more so as they feel like they are responsible.
i told my husband he needs to engage in help. I will be there for him as well as I can be but it’s his journey. I reminded him that he is not a bad person but did do a bad thing and he needs to engage in support that’s offered. The crisis team in my area were helpful they i think kept him alive.
As far as I am aware the police investigation is separate. It will still be a number of months and these reports are in the first week. He has time to make changes, I Also don’t think they will be able to look at his medical records. They are concerned about the numbers of images and the nature of them.
kls, I hope your looking after yourself and have support for you. Please breathe it’s still early days. I am still in early days too regarding the offending and feeling back to normal. Our worlds have been shaken up, I am still processing my feelings but I remember the eary days were around managing my husband mental health.
yout not alone, my husband had the crisis team involved too. Think lots of men feel very suicidal, they just don’t espect their fantasy world to crash down around them. It’s a shock for them just as well as us. And more so as they feel like they are responsible.
i told my husband he needs to engage in help. I will be there for him as well as I can be but it’s his journey. I reminded him that he is not a bad person but did do a bad thing and he needs to engage in support that’s offered. The crisis team in my area were helpful they i think kept him alive.
As far as I am aware the police investigation is separate. It will still be a number of months and these reports are in the first week. He has time to make changes, I Also don’t think they will be able to look at his medical records. They are concerned about the numbers of images and the nature of them.
kls, I hope your looking after yourself and have support for you. Please breathe it’s still early days. I am still in early days too regarding the offending and feeling back to normal. Our worlds have been shaken up, I am still processing my feelings but I remember the eary days were around managing my husband mental health.
KLS,
I cannot echo enough what Bethlou has said. My husband was arrested near enough the same week as hers and my husband went though all the suicidal feelings etc. We engaged with the doctor who was really open and helpful with putting him on light medication to take the edge off thinks whilst we worked through the mess.
I’m not sure about reports being viewable etc but when your husband has a chat with his solicitor worth talking to them to find out.
The first days/weeks are a whirlwind and as you learn more about this area of offending you start to process it and start to understand where you go and how you start to put the pieces together in a new format.
Keep your head up and don’t be afraid to ask for help
I cannot echo enough what Bethlou has said. My husband was arrested near enough the same week as hers and my husband went though all the suicidal feelings etc. We engaged with the doctor who was really open and helpful with putting him on light medication to take the edge off thinks whilst we worked through the mess.
I’m not sure about reports being viewable etc but when your husband has a chat with his solicitor worth talking to them to find out.
The first days/weeks are a whirlwind and as you learn more about this area of offending you start to process it and start to understand where you go and how you start to put the pieces together in a new format.
Keep your head up and don’t be afraid to ask for help
Thank you both. It's hard, because he was just starting to settle and when he read that they think he's a threat, its really knocked him back. He wouldn't harm a soul. Definitely worth bringing up wth the solicitor, but I'll try and get him counseling in the meantime, and not from the Crisis team. Just another bump in what he think will be a long road.
Hugs and thanks x
Hugs and thanks x
Your being so strong. In a situation none of us want to be in.
i can only hope by hitting rock bottom the only way is up. If you can pay for counselling privately it’s worth every penny. I know it’s expensive. The British association of counsellors and psychotherapists have a website, you can search out what you need.
i am still having counselling myself this is to help me process my anger at the situation as I don’t feel I can take it out on my husband.
There is hope kls (I still have wobbles) but I am feeling less alone than before.
i can only hope by hitting rock bottom the only way is up. If you can pay for counselling privately it’s worth every penny. I know it’s expensive. The British association of counsellors and psychotherapists have a website, you can search out what you need.
i am still having counselling myself this is to help me process my anger at the situation as I don’t feel I can take it out on my husband.
There is hope kls (I still have wobbles) but I am feeling less alone than before.
Hi KLS - people can’t access your medical records without your permission. If you were so minded your husband could write to them asking what their qualification level was of assessing g risk to children. However it might not be a fight you want to have right now. It must have been a shock for your partner to see that in writing, however it is a wake up call for him to know that society is going to think this for the rest of his life, based on no evidence.
I agree about counselling. Privately is expensive, but they don’t have to let your GP know and so nobody need know he has gone there and that way it all stays tots,LG confidential
I agree about counselling. Privately is expensive, but they don’t have to let your GP know and so nobody need know he has gone there and that way it all stays tots,LG confidential