Rui/bail but safe to come home?
Notifications OFF
Just basically checking of anyone's partners has been Rui or extended bail and SS has said they're safe to return home. Husbands bail extension ends 2/12 and we've been told we should hear from SS about if he will be allowed home before then. I'm guessing his devices still haven't been checked and assume it would be another extension on bail or Rui. Either way my brain is telling me SS won't let him home so just hoping others can convince me there is a chance.
Hi
my hubby was arrested in May when i was 24 weeks pregnant. He has been RUI and with work with SS he has been able to remain home after our baby was born in September. His devises also haven't been checked yet but he is able to be here under a safety plan I have written which details how we maintain only supervised contact with our girl. This means he doesn't get to be with her 1-2-1 (I can't go out and leave them) and I have to do all personal care like nappies and baths.
Hope this helps.
my hubby was arrested in May when i was 24 weeks pregnant. He has been RUI and with work with SS he has been able to remain home after our baby was born in September. His devises also haven't been checked yet but he is able to be here under a safety plan I have written which details how we maintain only supervised contact with our girl. This means he doesn't get to be with her 1-2-1 (I can't go out and leave them) and I have to do all personal care like nappies and baths.
Hope this helps.
That's good news thank you. I have been able to supervise all his contact with the children but it's just so exhausting, I don't stop from until he leaves at 10.30pm. All my family say ask him to leave earlier or give me a day but I feel this is extremely unfair to him and my girls. I'm not sure he has actually been arrested with anything yet he was just released on bail and then his bail was extended until 2/12. We haven't really been given much details about anything really.
If you want to arm yourself for any potential fight then have a look into the Capacity & ability to supervise and protect- risk framework.
Its a fairly new assessment framework which is gaining momentum. Within the framework there are lots of references to research which are relevant to iioc. Its trying to move away from a simple parenting capacity assessment and it acknowledges the flaws in these assessments. We've all had them but actually having something specific to this kind of offending is useful!
Its a fairly new assessment framework which is gaining momentum. Within the framework there are lots of references to research which are relevant to iioc. Its trying to move away from a simple parenting capacity assessment and it acknowledges the flaws in these assessments. We've all had them but actually having something specific to this kind of offending is useful!
Any idea where I can find this? Also not sure it's going to be much good now as It seems it's near the end of risk assessment so doubt they'll do it again. Just wish I was so much more prepared for this.
See this is what annoys me. We've just been told lie after lie through this whole process. We was told that the ss would do a risk assessment on my husband and if they go back to the oic and say he is low risk they would drop the bail conditions. I'm at that point where I'm ready to explode! I'm the innocent party so why the hell are they lying to me? Sorry I'm just really angry right now.
Hi Sarah and mumof3girls,
I would also like to no where to find that assessment, I feel for u as I am struggling and trying to pick my battles, I am just so exhausted after wat they ( ss ) have put me through that I feel like I haven't got then energy to fight but I want things to be better for me and my girls. They would love their dad to be able to stop over and while his po has said it is possible it seems a lifetime away. I am in the middle of doing the prevent and safeguarding course, it's taking me ages as I've not been well.
I would also like to no where to find that assessment, I feel for u as I am struggling and trying to pick my battles, I am just so exhausted after wat they ( ss ) have put me through that I feel like I haven't got then energy to fight but I want things to be better for me and my girls. They would love their dad to be able to stop over and while his po has said it is possible it seems a lifetime away. I am in the middle of doing the prevent and safeguarding course, it's taking me ages as I've not been well.
But that's what we was both told by the oic that's why I'm annoyed. I understand they have to protect the children (although I fully believe my kids are in no danger but they have to do what they have to do). It's just frustrating that the end post just constantly gets moved And there's no thought about the damage it's doing to the partners and the children.
Hi Dawn14,
it's a horrible journey to be in isn't it. How far in are you? We're now approaching 4 months. Still no end in sight. We're desperate to get our normal life back
it's a horrible journey to be in isn't it. How far in are you? We're now approaching 4 months. Still no end in sight. We're desperate to get our normal life back
The article is McGibbon, G., Leonard, M. (2019) The Capacity & Ability to Supervise and Protect – Risk Framework
If you Google it there's a good PowerPoint on the nota website which goes through the stages of grief we, as partners, feel after a disclosure or the knock in our case.
I found it quite validating actually. I recognise the stages I went through and am still going through. My la has bought into this so I've found my second social worker to be more informed. Slow progress.
If you Google it there's a good PowerPoint on the nota website which goes through the stages of grief we, as partners, feel after a disclosure or the knock in our case.
I found it quite validating actually. I recognise the stages I went through and am still going through. My la has bought into this so I've found my second social worker to be more informed. Slow progress.
That's exactly what we was told. We mentioned this to the sw who said the same that the oic would take the risk assessment in consideration when deciding the next step. This journey is difficult enough without being giving false information from the people who are leading the case.
I understand they don't know my husband or me and they have a job to do. I've worked along side them and answered everything as truthfully as I can and we're in the process of doing children in need as well as the risk assessment. It's all so overwhelming at the moment and I'm just trying to keep life as normal as possible for my kids.
I understand they don't know my husband or me and they have a job to do. I've worked along side them and answered everything as truthfully as I can and we're in the process of doing children in need as well as the risk assessment. It's all so overwhelming at the moment and I'm just trying to keep life as normal as possible for my kids.
He isn't allowed any unsupervised contact with our children and he has to sleep at his mums house. 8 mile trip daily is really taking it's toll on our finances. He can visit as long as he likes as long as someone can supervise him.
Thank you, I see how strong all of you are on here and hope that I can get that strength soon. At the moment I'm just an emotional wreck. 15 years with him by my side everynight it's hard to get used to him not being there now.
Thank you, I see how strong all of you are on here and hope that I can get that strength soon. At the moment I'm just an emotional wreck. 15 years with him by my side everynight it's hard to get used to him not being there now.
Mumof3, my husband was RUI after a month when his bail conditions ended. SS came to see me and him during the bail time and at the end of bail bith SS and OIC decided that he could be at home with no conditions.
we are 10montha down the line. Our marriage is all but over but he is being a dad to our kids and helping with childcare.
I am well aware that SS will be back once his devices have been checked completely and that life will be very different. I feel for my children more than me as I have decided that I can't live with this.
Lee, please could you let me know what online safety courses I could do to prepare myself for SS when they get back in touch
we are 10montha down the line. Our marriage is all but over but he is being a dad to our kids and helping with childcare.
I am well aware that SS will be back once his devices have been checked completely and that life will be very different. I feel for my children more than me as I have decided that I can't live with this.
Lee, please could you let me know what online safety courses I could do to prepare myself for SS when they get back in touch
Oh bless you that sounds horrible. Glad you're back together again now.
I will definitely take on your advice, but to be honest I can't afford to pay for any courses. Do you know if there are any free? We did look at one for my husband but it was so expensive that we couldn't afford to do it.
I will definitely take on your advice, but to be honest I can't afford to pay for any courses. Do you know if there are any free? We did look at one for my husband but it was so expensive that we couldn't afford to do it.
Starry, thank you for that. It's not easy at all is it. My husband has told me everything and has said it was a accident and he had no idea the photos had downloaded. I have said I will stay with him as long as it is the truth. I do feel for the children, my youngest is 5 and she doesn't understand why her dad can't be here all the time like he used to be.
Hi mumof3girls, my hubby got 12 months suspended for 2 years, last November, up until the October before court ss decided I wasn't taking it seriously enough ( easiest way to put it ) so they stopped me being supervisor and put us on a ccp, bear in mind I kept to all the rules for 2 and half years and neither was concerned, but because we wanted to stand by my hubby and she would have had him shot that happened. I have 8 months of them making me feel like a was a bad mum for supporting him, the kids want me too just as much as I couldn't walk away. ( he has been an amazing hubby and dad to our girls, just got sacked into porn addiction) luckily they asked me to do the Lucy faithful course and I found this forum, it's been a god send, just wish I had found it at the beginning xx they r all amazing on here. Unfortunately because of my nightmare with ss my mental health has took a battering, hence me struggling to fight back.
Hi mumof3girls,
When my hubby went in for second interview, the policeman told him he had known of people being allowed home after sentencing and during the investigation, so we asked to be reassessed, we had a new sw buy she went off and we got our old 1 back and when I told her wat the policeman said she said that he wouldn't be allowed home and she had never heard of that, but after coming on here I have learnt it is possible and also his po said that it would be possible it might be a while but I've been given hope from this forum xx
When my hubby went in for second interview, the policeman told him he had known of people being allowed home after sentencing and during the investigation, so we asked to be reassessed, we had a new sw buy she went off and we got our old 1 back and when I told her wat the policeman said she said that he wouldn't be allowed home and she had never heard of that, but after coming on here I have learnt it is possible and also his po said that it would be possible it might be a while but I've been given hope from this forum xx
Thank you Lee
Dawn, can I ask what LFF course you did please
Dawn, can I ask what LFF course you did please
Dawn14
sounds like you've had such a rough time bless you. Our first sw was horrible, she literally looked at us all like a bag of rubbish and I believe she had already assumed my husband was guilty just by looking at him. I got the clearance from her to be safe to supervise then it got handed to another lady for CIN and risk assessment, she seems a lot nicer, easier to talk to but I still don't trust her 100%. I hope you are able to get re-assessed.
sounds like you've had such a rough time bless you. Our first sw was horrible, she literally looked at us all like a bag of rubbish and I believe she had already assumed my husband was guilty just by looking at him. I got the clearance from her to be safe to supervise then it got handed to another lady for CIN and risk assessment, she seems a lot nicer, easier to talk to but I still don't trust her 100%. I hope you are able to get re-assessed.
Hi Starry,
It was the inform course, ss wanted me to do a course so I would know about wat my husband had done ( downloaded iiocs ) I think they thought it would make me want to end it, but wat it did was prove that he isn't a bad person but actually had a porn addiction and how to help it, I am so glad I did it. I do understand alot more now but they think because he downloaded that he must have harmed our kids, which he hasn't, if he had I'd be in jail right now.
Mumof3girls,
Yes it has been, I no wat u mean this new one seems nice very clever will not commit to any time frame, but she actually rang her to do the monthly come and see the kids before our cin meeting, our daughter suffers mental health before this even started so I have had both running along side each other and was like trying to teach me how to sick eggs, as I'd told her our daughters mental health has gone down hill and she had self harmed last week and I felt like she was bloody patronising me, like listen love I have been dealing with this for past 3 years I no wat I'm doing. I then get pissed off because I can look after in her bad mental state but not against her dad, its like make ur mind up I can either keep her safe or I can't xx they r the hardest part of this journey I think, it's wat is causing my mental health to deteriorate
It was the inform course, ss wanted me to do a course so I would know about wat my husband had done ( downloaded iiocs ) I think they thought it would make me want to end it, but wat it did was prove that he isn't a bad person but actually had a porn addiction and how to help it, I am so glad I did it. I do understand alot more now but they think because he downloaded that he must have harmed our kids, which he hasn't, if he had I'd be in jail right now.
Mumof3girls,
Yes it has been, I no wat u mean this new one seems nice very clever will not commit to any time frame, but she actually rang her to do the monthly come and see the kids before our cin meeting, our daughter suffers mental health before this even started so I have had both running along side each other and was like trying to teach me how to sick eggs, as I'd told her our daughters mental health has gone down hill and she had self harmed last week and I felt like she was bloody patronising me, like listen love I have been dealing with this for past 3 years I no wat I'm doing. I then get pissed off because I can look after in her bad mental state but not against her dad, its like make ur mind up I can either keep her safe or I can't xx they r the hardest part of this journey I think, it's wat is causing my mental health to deteriorate
Completely agree, without ss putting there nose in everything I probably wouldn't struggle so much. They've dug into some very personal details from me and as I'm a very private person I feel so angry that they're allowed to do this. I constantly remind my sw you do realise I'm the innocent one don't you? Don't think she likes it but I'm sick of being treat like I'm the guilty one. I find my questioning from her is worse than my husbands.
Hi love,
I completely understand, the last few months I have had to fight demons that I hadn't really faced as a kid but the stress that have put me through has now opened up a whole worms and I can't get them back in xx here if u need to chat lovely
I completely understand, the last few months I have had to fight demons that I hadn't really faced as a kid but the stress that have put me through has now opened up a whole worms and I can't get them back in xx here if u need to chat lovely