Help - grooming allegation
Notifications OFF
Hi,
I need some help/advice from anyone who's been in a similar position. I'm stepmum to two beautiful children - 5 and 9. On Wednesday last week, I got a call from my partner to say he'd been arrested on suspicion of attempting to meet a child under 16 following grooming. He's been speaking to the sister of one of his daughter's friends (aged 15) on facebook - nothing sexual (and the girl's statement even says nothing sexual was discussed and he never tried to meet her), but they've seized all of his digital devices and he's on bail. He's unable to have unsupervised contact with any children under the age of 16, which is destroying all of us. The solicitor has advised that, because the allegation is classed as pretty low down as far as risk goes, this is likely to go on for 6-8 months. CPS have made contact with the children's mother, but only to say they'll set up a meeting. I don't know how to carry on like this, or how we try to get any sense of normality while this is ongoing? I'm terrified he'll be charged, as we'll lose everything.
Any advice much appreciated.
I need some help/advice from anyone who's been in a similar position. I'm stepmum to two beautiful children - 5 and 9. On Wednesday last week, I got a call from my partner to say he'd been arrested on suspicion of attempting to meet a child under 16 following grooming. He's been speaking to the sister of one of his daughter's friends (aged 15) on facebook - nothing sexual (and the girl's statement even says nothing sexual was discussed and he never tried to meet her), but they've seized all of his digital devices and he's on bail. He's unable to have unsupervised contact with any children under the age of 16, which is destroying all of us. The solicitor has advised that, because the allegation is classed as pretty low down as far as risk goes, this is likely to go on for 6-8 months. CPS have made contact with the children's mother, but only to say they'll set up a meeting. I don't know how to carry on like this, or how we try to get any sense of normality while this is ongoing? I'm terrified he'll be charged, as we'll lose everything.
Any advice much appreciated.
It's an awful situation to be in. Remember that grooming does not need to be a sexual conversation its a conversation over time. Why was he chatting with a 15 year old friend if his daughters, it could be innocent, it could be inappropriete or it could be grooming. It's worth you both reading up about grooming and befriending young people online so that you understand about it. Keep communicating and ask him those difficult questions. I would be careful asking any supposed victims about what happened as it could be seen as influencing or intimidating a witness. My partner was charged with a sexual communication offence (No images or anything else), its very hard to process everything and sadly the investigation might take some time. Find out as much as you can from your partner about what they did and why. The stop it now helpline are great for help and support, its worth calling them to talk through everything.
Maria
offers some good advice. You are going to ask him these difficult questions. I know he may not be able to give you the whys as think that comes with therapy. But just say you need to hear from him what the police will find.
I like old how you start your comment that your mum to two beautiful step children. I hope you get some answers. That must make the whole thing a lot more complicated. Please take your time and do some research.
iall the best, and please keep coming to the forum your not alone. We may not all have the same offences against our partners, children but we do understand what it’s like to have your world as you knew it collapse around you. There is hope on the forum and no judgment.
offers some good advice. You are going to ask him these difficult questions. I know he may not be able to give you the whys as think that comes with therapy. But just say you need to hear from him what the police will find.
I like old how you start your comment that your mum to two beautiful step children. I hope you get some answers. That must make the whole thing a lot more complicated. Please take your time and do some research.
iall the best, and please keep coming to the forum your not alone. We may not all have the same offences against our partners, children but we do understand what it’s like to have your world as you knew it collapse around you. There is hope on the forum and no judgment.
Thanks, ladies. It’s been a week now and everything just feels so alien. This time last week I had everything I’d ever wanted (and worked my whole life to get), and now I feel like I could lose absolutely everything. I’ve never been as scared in my life. It helps knowing that there are other people out there who don’t judge; it’s so easy to feel “dirty”, despite me not having done anything wrong myself. I miss my stepbabies too much, and I just want to wrap them up, tell them it’s all ok and keep them safe. They’re what’s keeping me going right now.
This Forum is the best news for me. Only found it recently, i am so sorry for you thinking with step children you may not have it as easy. Keep strong, in a round about way we are all in this very dark hole together, and we are here to listen without ANY judgement. Big hug sent xx
Thanks everyone. I have spoken to the helpline and it helped for a little while, but the shame and the difficulty is back today. Social services are coming out to the children’s Mum today - I feel totally anxious and on edge. The day is going so slowly.