Santa help
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How do I manage xmas? Both kids have written to Santa asking for their dad back. He's on bail, no contact. They are so confused and hurt.
Same here
But, I am being clear. Daddy will not be here. Daddy chose to leave and we will have our own family group this year.
I need to think of their safety so I will not rush it for one day.
it will be different , and my aim is to get through it. But we will do everything different, and one step at a time.
lots of hugs as this is nowhere where we want to be
But, I am being clear. Daddy will not be here. Daddy chose to leave and we will have our own family group this year.
I need to think of their safety so I will not rush it for one day.
it will be different , and my aim is to get through it. But we will do everything different, and one step at a time.
lots of hugs as this is nowhere where we want to be
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Nown apologies if I sounded harsh.
I have the same situation but I am opting for what so tired recommended. New traditions, new memories, our new smaller family.
it will be exhausting and emotional but the situation is bail and no contact and I want to be honest with the children sooner than later. I don't want them disappointed an Xmas day.
So far our new smaller family is doing ok against many challenges. We are making many new memories.
I will be doing the bauble, I will be dancing, playing games, I will be a good actress ....
wharever you decide, whether you opt for santas present or not, it will be right for your family.
Take care x
I have the same situation but I am opting for what so tired recommended. New traditions, new memories, our new smaller family.
it will be exhausting and emotional but the situation is bail and no contact and I want to be honest with the children sooner than later. I don't want them disappointed an Xmas day.
So far our new smaller family is doing ok against many challenges. We are making many new memories.
I will be doing the bauble, I will be dancing, playing games, I will be a good actress ....
wharever you decide, whether you opt for santas present or not, it will be right for your family.
Take care x
Hi,
With my two last year I explained Santa's rules. In our house he doesn't bring animals etc. He can only deliver presents which can be made. We can still wish to see dad. My two wrote letters, made Christmas decorations etc. It's tough whatever you say to them as ultimately they only want one thing. I don't know how new to this you are but it took 4 months to have bail restrictions relaxed. That was after sessions with social care and a safety plan shown to the police.
This year their dad is now in prison. He's still waiting for permission to call. Even though his SHPO conditions have been met (I consent as do social care).
I don't know when children's wishes are heard throughout this process. Some of the services involved seem to cause more emotional damage than spending time with their dad ever would've especially with all of us wonderful support partners or ex partners supervising.
Take care.
With my two last year I explained Santa's rules. In our house he doesn't bring animals etc. He can only deliver presents which can be made. We can still wish to see dad. My two wrote letters, made Christmas decorations etc. It's tough whatever you say to them as ultimately they only want one thing. I don't know how new to this you are but it took 4 months to have bail restrictions relaxed. That was after sessions with social care and a safety plan shown to the police.
This year their dad is now in prison. He's still waiting for permission to call. Even though his SHPO conditions have been met (I consent as do social care).
I don't know when children's wishes are heard throughout this process. Some of the services involved seem to cause more emotional damage than spending time with their dad ever would've especially with all of us wonderful support partners or ex partners supervising.
Take care.
The invisible string book is great and helped my young daughter in the first few months - more with increased seperation anxiety from me as she began to be very clingy and worried (I guess thinking I might leave one day too).
Nown - from your other post it said he is charged with contact offences against your children. There must be so much to process there for you and for the children. That will be such a long process. I don't know how old they are or what their level of understanding is but I hope you are all receiving help to get through this terrible time.
We are all here to support eachother and share our experiences, but each story will be different and therefore the consequences, both chosen and necessary, will be different too.
With regards to Christmas I can only advise about how I've spoken to mine in general. I try as much as possible to model and explain how I'm feeling. I would say something like...
I completely understand that you would want daddy back for Christmas because part of me wants that too because change is really difficult. (If you've come up with language to explain his absence use that here - I use the idea of grown up consequences, making sure to say it's not the child's fault at all and that everyone still loves them) But part of me also knows that because things have changed we're going to have to work out some new things to do this Christmas. This makes me feel a bit sad and scared but because we love eachother do you think we can figure out some fun things to do with the (3?) of us.
Nown - from your other post it said he is charged with contact offences against your children. There must be so much to process there for you and for the children. That will be such a long process. I don't know how old they are or what their level of understanding is but I hope you are all receiving help to get through this terrible time.
We are all here to support eachother and share our experiences, but each story will be different and therefore the consequences, both chosen and necessary, will be different too.
With regards to Christmas I can only advise about how I've spoken to mine in general. I try as much as possible to model and explain how I'm feeling. I would say something like...
I completely understand that you would want daddy back for Christmas because part of me wants that too because change is really difficult. (If you've come up with language to explain his absence use that here - I use the idea of grown up consequences, making sure to say it's not the child's fault at all and that everyone still loves them) But part of me also knows that because things have changed we're going to have to work out some new things to do this Christmas. This makes me feel a bit sad and scared but because we love eachother do you think we can figure out some fun things to do with the (3?) of us.
There is also the Invisible String Workbook which I have just come across online. May be worth looking at too, as it is actually packed with activities for you/child/children to do.
I hope you have found some answers to your worries nown. My plan is to spend time over Xmas with people who love the kids and are committed to making things special for them so that I can feel sad and take a step back when I need to.
Hi Nown,
I'm so sorry this is happening. It's so so hard working out what to do for the best. I'm not sure how old your children are and of course you know your children the best but would a letter that youve written and a colouring picture you've coloured but that you've said is from daddy help them.
It's so so hard but what ever you decide to do, you are doing the best you can given this situation you and your children are in through no fault of your own so don't be hard on yourself.
xx
I'm so sorry this is happening. It's so so hard working out what to do for the best. I'm not sure how old your children are and of course you know your children the best but would a letter that youve written and a colouring picture you've coloured but that you've said is from daddy help them.
It's so so hard but what ever you decide to do, you are doing the best you can given this situation you and your children are in through no fault of your own so don't be hard on yourself.
xx