I can't cope with this nightmare
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I have rang the helpline a few times but can't ring at the moment because I've got family members at home with covid.
I feel like I'm in this nightmare and as soon as things seem a bit better something else comes along to kick me.
We had the knock about 7 weeks ago and my husband was bailed for 4 weeks and allowed to stay at home as long as he's not alone with our teenage daughter. Ive been managing that as I work part time, husband works and my 18 year old son is usually around. My kids havent been told very much as I don't want to worry them.
I naively thought that when he went back after 4 weeks his phone would have been checked, the case closed and we can move on. I don't believe he deliberately downloaded child images and think he was looking at porn and stupidly clicked on something. Unfortunately his stupidety is ripping me and our beautiful family apart.
The police said his phone had been sent off to be examined but could take up to 6 months to be looked at. They suggested the helpline and to go and visit my GP. I can't believe I'm being advised to take tablets as the only way to cope with how slow the criminal justice system works. Its like some sort of state sponsored torture and theres nothing I can do about it.
I had started to sort myself out until social services called yesterday. The lady was very nice but they have to presume my husband is guilty so my daughters welfare has to be investigated. They will be speaking to the school and then coming to see the whole family. I am now going to have to tell my children far more than I wanted. They will now have to live with a secret that they can't tell their friends and worry about their dad. It all seems so cruel.
I feel so alone, as I can't talk to friends, I worry about my kids, I've got covid and Ive got my family being ripped apart. I have done nothing wrong and I think my husbands guilty of nothing more than stupidity yet our whole lives are being destroyed and theres nothing we can do. I just want to cry all the time as I'm existing not living. I find seeing friends hard work now as I'm living a lie. Something so awful is happening and I can't tell them. Ive got friends on holiday and looking forward to christmas and I'm just sat her thinking why is this happening to me. Any advice on coping strategies would help.
I feel like I'm in this nightmare and as soon as things seem a bit better something else comes along to kick me.
We had the knock about 7 weeks ago and my husband was bailed for 4 weeks and allowed to stay at home as long as he's not alone with our teenage daughter. Ive been managing that as I work part time, husband works and my 18 year old son is usually around. My kids havent been told very much as I don't want to worry them.
I naively thought that when he went back after 4 weeks his phone would have been checked, the case closed and we can move on. I don't believe he deliberately downloaded child images and think he was looking at porn and stupidly clicked on something. Unfortunately his stupidety is ripping me and our beautiful family apart.
The police said his phone had been sent off to be examined but could take up to 6 months to be looked at. They suggested the helpline and to go and visit my GP. I can't believe I'm being advised to take tablets as the only way to cope with how slow the criminal justice system works. Its like some sort of state sponsored torture and theres nothing I can do about it.
I had started to sort myself out until social services called yesterday. The lady was very nice but they have to presume my husband is guilty so my daughters welfare has to be investigated. They will be speaking to the school and then coming to see the whole family. I am now going to have to tell my children far more than I wanted. They will now have to live with a secret that they can't tell their friends and worry about their dad. It all seems so cruel.
I feel so alone, as I can't talk to friends, I worry about my kids, I've got covid and Ive got my family being ripped apart. I have done nothing wrong and I think my husbands guilty of nothing more than stupidity yet our whole lives are being destroyed and theres nothing we can do. I just want to cry all the time as I'm existing not living. I find seeing friends hard work now as I'm living a lie. Something so awful is happening and I can't tell them. Ive got friends on holiday and looking forward to christmas and I'm just sat her thinking why is this happening to me. Any advice on coping strategies would help.
We are 18 months in and still waiting.
I have not told family, my OH has not told his. We have told our adult children.
I have confided in 3 trusted friends, and a work contact who sourced a counsellor for me. If you can get counselling, even if you have to pay for it, it's well worth it as it helps you process the situation and clarify your feelings about things. My thinking was very muddied and emotional early on. Mostly I can handle it now, although there's rarely a day when I forget about the situation, and when I wake in the middle of the night I often start thinking about all the implications for me and the rest of the family should he be found guilty (which seems highly likely as there is so little wriggle room with this offence) and from time to time the anger bubbles over or I go into a depressive slump.
The friends I confided in have all been incredibly supportive, and not judgemental of me, and although I think two of them believe I should leave my OH, neither of them are pushing me to do so. It does help to have someone to talk to about it, so think about who you can trust.
Like you, I believe my husband made a stupid mistake, and that the images found were accidentally acquired. But I have come to terms that I will never be completely certain.
I wish I could give you more comfort, but this is something that has to be endured. It's slightly easier if you have one or two trusted confidantes. Eventually I have found a way to live with it, and get by.
I have not told family, my OH has not told his. We have told our adult children.
I have confided in 3 trusted friends, and a work contact who sourced a counsellor for me. If you can get counselling, even if you have to pay for it, it's well worth it as it helps you process the situation and clarify your feelings about things. My thinking was very muddied and emotional early on. Mostly I can handle it now, although there's rarely a day when I forget about the situation, and when I wake in the middle of the night I often start thinking about all the implications for me and the rest of the family should he be found guilty (which seems highly likely as there is so little wriggle room with this offence) and from time to time the anger bubbles over or I go into a depressive slump.
The friends I confided in have all been incredibly supportive, and not judgemental of me, and although I think two of them believe I should leave my OH, neither of them are pushing me to do so. It does help to have someone to talk to about it, so think about who you can trust.
Like you, I believe my husband made a stupid mistake, and that the images found were accidentally acquired. But I have come to terms that I will never be completely certain.
I wish I could give you more comfort, but this is something that has to be endured. It's slightly easier if you have one or two trusted confidantes. Eventually I have found a way to live with it, and get by.