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Hello,
If you are a secondary teacher, please can you let me know when you were able to return to work? My brain is numb, I feel as if I am expected to return after xmas, but we have ofstead looming, and I can't even remember to put a tea bag into the cup when I make tea. I can't see how my brain will work. For info I have 2 small children, dad has been charged with viewing IIOC, creating IIOC (ours) and contact (our children) .
If you are a secondary teacher, please can you let me know when you were able to return to work? My brain is numb, I feel as if I am expected to return after xmas, but we have ofstead looming, and I can't even remember to put a tea bag into the cup when I make tea. I can't see how my brain will work. For info I have 2 small children, dad has been charged with viewing IIOC, creating IIOC (ours) and contact (our children) .
So sorry Nown. Such an awful situation to be in - my situation is similar but just possession of IIOC, nothing involving my children. I can't imagine the hurt and distress of that too.
Work wise, it took me 2 months to start trying a staggered return. After some set backs I was able to cope with returning to normal timetable about 3-4 months after the knock.
How supportive is your school? My safeguarding lead is incredible and helped so much. When I felt guilty not being ready to return she said take as long as I need and that others have needed 6 months/ a year for different traumatic situations.
If you want to give it a go returning after Christmas then get your GP to write a phased return sick not and agree with team whay is going to work for you. If it's too much your GP should sign you off again and you can try later. I didn't realise it at the time but the phased return was really essential for me. It was only when I started feeling better I realised how bad I'd been.
A decent school understands families and that you and your kids have to come first xx
Work wise, it took me 2 months to start trying a staggered return. After some set backs I was able to cope with returning to normal timetable about 3-4 months after the knock.
How supportive is your school? My safeguarding lead is incredible and helped so much. When I felt guilty not being ready to return she said take as long as I need and that others have needed 6 months/ a year for different traumatic situations.
If you want to give it a go returning after Christmas then get your GP to write a phased return sick not and agree with team whay is going to work for you. If it's too much your GP should sign you off again and you can try later. I didn't realise it at the time but the phased return was really essential for me. It was only when I started feeling better I realised how bad I'd been.
A decent school understands families and that you and your kids have to come first xx
I'm sorry that you've had to face such an awful situation through no fault of your own.
I hope you are receiving adequate support for your own emotional wellbeing? The school and occupational therapy should be looking at what support they can offer.
My son has not been charged yet but is under investigation for contact offences with his sisters along with online IIOC. He confessed but doesn't actually seem to have harmed his sisters.
I know our situation is different but I imagine I have experienced similar emotional upheaval.
I worked in a primary school and after 6 months of sickness the school and I mutually agreed to a dismissal on ill health grounds. I loved my job so much and am devastated to have left it but the impact on me has been horrendous and ongoing and I need time to heal before being capable of working again.
The trauma of any arrest of this kind is life changing and so devastating that I really don't think you can judge how long it will take and it can differ greatly between individuals. All I can advise it that you take as much time as you feel you need and make any changes slowly. X
I hope you are receiving adequate support for your own emotional wellbeing? The school and occupational therapy should be looking at what support they can offer.
My son has not been charged yet but is under investigation for contact offences with his sisters along with online IIOC. He confessed but doesn't actually seem to have harmed his sisters.
I know our situation is different but I imagine I have experienced similar emotional upheaval.
I worked in a primary school and after 6 months of sickness the school and I mutually agreed to a dismissal on ill health grounds. I loved my job so much and am devastated to have left it but the impact on me has been horrendous and ongoing and I need time to heal before being capable of working again.
The trauma of any arrest of this kind is life changing and so devastating that I really don't think you can judge how long it will take and it can differ greatly between individuals. All I can advise it that you take as much time as you feel you need and make any changes slowly. X
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Nown
our lives are very very similar. I am a few months ahead of you. A good employer should agree a phased return. I work in a similar situation and with same professionals dealing with my situation.
I had to pull it together at home for the children. I have had to have conversations and review images which give me nightmares. But in meantime, I have done the parties and the school drops.
Work, not as easy.
I wasn't ready, but I agreed a date, I did occ health referral, and phased return. I was very lucky though as my boss was fab. I was honest from the start which was immensely hard from a personal perspective.
it took me 6 weeks... it was hard, I have now led on high level meetings, but i genuinely say I couldn't have done it without the support I had at work. If you are not ready, and if you can, take your time. Do what is best.
but I absolutely understand where you are coming from. No pressure, one step, one day and even a few months later I still find the forced normality hard work.
In hindsight, I wasn't ready for my date, but it did help, it was one step to a normal routine but if I didn't get the work support I am not sure I would be where I am. It will be you to decide when it is right, for me the time was never right, but it sure as heck isn't easy.
my advice, speak to the head, what support can they give, and when it is right, those big girl pants are needed. I really don't want to cause offence, I don't have a lot of free time but I saw this and I have been in your shoes. I am just a little further down that road. Massive hugs
our lives are very very similar. I am a few months ahead of you. A good employer should agree a phased return. I work in a similar situation and with same professionals dealing with my situation.
I had to pull it together at home for the children. I have had to have conversations and review images which give me nightmares. But in meantime, I have done the parties and the school drops.
Work, not as easy.
I wasn't ready, but I agreed a date, I did occ health referral, and phased return. I was very lucky though as my boss was fab. I was honest from the start which was immensely hard from a personal perspective.
it took me 6 weeks... it was hard, I have now led on high level meetings, but i genuinely say I couldn't have done it without the support I had at work. If you are not ready, and if you can, take your time. Do what is best.
but I absolutely understand where you are coming from. No pressure, one step, one day and even a few months later I still find the forced normality hard work.
In hindsight, I wasn't ready for my date, but it did help, it was one step to a normal routine but if I didn't get the work support I am not sure I would be where I am. It will be you to decide when it is right, for me the time was never right, but it sure as heck isn't easy.
my advice, speak to the head, what support can they give, and when it is right, those big girl pants are needed. I really don't want to cause offence, I don't have a lot of free time but I saw this and I have been in your shoes. I am just a little further down that road. Massive hugs
Kids now asleep.
Due to what the children disclosed I was able to get specialist advice and support. I also had to take legal advice on getting him removed from medical forms (as he didn't agree to the specialist support).
Hopefully you have been offered similar. The school have also helped get me referrals that were longer waits through social services. They had the services in the school and as they had helped one child previously ( with something which having undertaken research is a sign of sexual abuse). We had assumed it was something else. But as they knew one child they got things moving really quickly.
there are a number of hurdles ahead which I need to be stronger to deal with. Guilt is massive. But the children have adapted amazingly. I wish I could be so resilient. But for me I needed to get back to work as the timescales of court are scary. I also need to prepare for giving evidence based on what I identified in the images. So I need to be stronger, to be more me. You will know when that is right for you.
Due to what the children disclosed I was able to get specialist advice and support. I also had to take legal advice on getting him removed from medical forms (as he didn't agree to the specialist support).
Hopefully you have been offered similar. The school have also helped get me referrals that were longer waits through social services. They had the services in the school and as they had helped one child previously ( with something which having undertaken research is a sign of sexual abuse). We had assumed it was something else. But as they knew one child they got things moving really quickly.
there are a number of hurdles ahead which I need to be stronger to deal with. Guilt is massive. But the children have adapted amazingly. I wish I could be so resilient. But for me I needed to get back to work as the timescales of court are scary. I also need to prepare for giving evidence based on what I identified in the images. So I need to be stronger, to be more me. You will know when that is right for you.
Hello Nown
Variation on a theme here. I let my employer know the situation the day of the knock exactly one year ago. I had no choice as I work with vulnerable adults. They were very supportive and I took a few days.off then returned to work. Seven months later my husband was arrested, charged for 'making 'extreme and illegal images and bailed. More support and a few days off. I honestly felt better off working.
Police called to check my husband's new electronic devices a couple of months later under bail conditions and to take a statement from me. Discovered he had continued to visit adult chat rooms, which he described as "only flirting". Broke my heart and my spirit and I've been signed off work the past 10 weeks.
I know he is an addict and that our road will be a long one.There is sentencing and more therapy to come. Some days I feel almost my normal self, other days I can hardly function. I have an appointment with Occ Health in December to see how I might return to work but in any case I have decided to take early retirement next summer.
I guess what I'm saying is that we all cope in different ways. Sometimes work is helpful, sometimes not. I thought I was coping okay until I discovered my husband had continued to use porn/sex sites , albeit legal, even though we had already been through so much and lost so much. I have been lucky to have a very supportive employer and generous sick pay. Not everyone is so lucky.
Variation on a theme here. I let my employer know the situation the day of the knock exactly one year ago. I had no choice as I work with vulnerable adults. They were very supportive and I took a few days.off then returned to work. Seven months later my husband was arrested, charged for 'making 'extreme and illegal images and bailed. More support and a few days off. I honestly felt better off working.
Police called to check my husband's new electronic devices a couple of months later under bail conditions and to take a statement from me. Discovered he had continued to visit adult chat rooms, which he described as "only flirting". Broke my heart and my spirit and I've been signed off work the past 10 weeks.
I know he is an addict and that our road will be a long one.There is sentencing and more therapy to come. Some days I feel almost my normal self, other days I can hardly function. I have an appointment with Occ Health in December to see how I might return to work but in any case I have decided to take early retirement next summer.
I guess what I'm saying is that we all cope in different ways. Sometimes work is helpful, sometimes not. I thought I was coping okay until I discovered my husband had continued to use porn/sex sites , albeit legal, even though we had already been through so much and lost so much. I have been lucky to have a very supportive employer and generous sick pay. Not everyone is so lucky.
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