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Why did he do this to us?

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JE

Member since
September 2020

42 posts

Posted Fri December 3, 2021 10:47pmReport post

16 months since the knock and nothing feels any less painful or any less difficult, if anything it's more. My life feels like it's in pieces and I'm so depressed. I'm so sick of crying all the time and this has changed me as a person I don't think I'll ever be the same. Medication, counselling none of it seems to come to anything and nothing fills this empty black void of what we've lost. Struggling to see how life will ever be more than this miserable existence.

Len

Member since
May 2021

27 posts

Posted Sat December 4, 2021 8:11amReport post

I hear you. Its so painful. I think there is lot to be done after this shock with rebuilding amd loving yourself and separating you from the crime committed. Redeciding in your head what you need to be happy.

wonder if the counsellor you saw was right for you? Do you have trusted people you can talk to when things get hard? What changes could you make to make your life more wonderful.

I have a lot of low days too although I know I'm a relentless optimist irritatingly always looking for silver linings and I think it helps me.

I'm so sorry you feel low and hopeless, sometimes its just a case of going through it I thing. Sending love and hope for brighter days soon.

Len

Member since
May 2021

27 posts

Posted Sat December 4, 2021 8:13amReport post

Just also think there is something around grief for what you have lost that needs to be felt fully before someone can move on or finding things easier and wonder if you have been supported to do that?

Judith

Member since
June 2021

195 posts

Posted Sat December 4, 2021 6:54pmReport post

I would agree with Len that it is a grieving process we are going through. Some days we are more recognisably ourselves, at other times we feel utterly changed. Sometimes people become stuck in their brief and see no way out. As Len suggested, you sometimes need to try more than one counsellor. Perhaps the Stop It helpline might suggest someone who might be more on your wave length ?

Although I am not a great fan of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - I think sometimes it is offered as a bit of a sticking plaster - I have found it helped me on a day to day basis. Things like setting yourself a time to get out of bed, identifying what you want to achieve in the day. ( pleasurable things as well as chores), recognising your achievements etc can all help you get through difficult times. There are also relaxation techniques and breathing exercises which can help create calmer times in your day and give you a sense of control over your emotions.

I accessed these programmes online after being referred by my GP and they were free. Perhaps you could also chat with your GP about some meds to help lift your mood? Anti depressants don't cure all ills but may help if you are feeling you can't dig yourself out of the low mood.

Take care

Edited Sat December 4, 2021 7:03pm

SadAndWorried

Member since
October 2019

154 posts

Posted Mon December 6, 2021 9:24pmReport post

Sorry if I'm repeating what someone else has said, haven't read the above replies. Try not to dwell on that, I know it's hard and sometimes impossible but I'm sure he didn't set out to hurt you and your family together, he'll have his reason but it isn't you. xx