Family and Friends Forum

Hi all - not glad to be here, but relieved to have a small section of the internet just for some sanity & undersatnding!

Our lives were turned upside down in October. The police came with a warrant to seach the house and cars, due to a report from a Social Media company of illegal downloads. My husband was the suspect, but it turned out to be my 15 year old son. The police were professional, courteous and took great care with my sons age. As my husband was no longer the suspect, the house search was confined only to my son's room, which although awful, was not as bad as it could have been - I still feel, in small part, like the victim of a burglary as rooms were photographed and neighbours messaged us asking about the Tactical Support Unit parked outside.

Once everyone had gone, it was time for talking - My son says that he created a fake Instagram account to spoof his friends and he was sent images by strangers -(teenage curiosity was at play here, I firmly belive that he did NOT initially know they were illegal and underage) - he looked at some pictues in the files and then things got out of hand as more people messaged him, sent images and demanded new ones in return. He said that the people in the images he viewed were his age, but as he didn't look at them all, he doesn't know about the rest - there were lots apparently, all collated and filed.

He did share some back just to get them to go away, but of course they didn't. In the end, he deleted the Insta account and made it go away like that. This was all in a 2 week or so time frame. The images remained on his phone - I don't really know if he looked at them again, I think that he was a bit shocked at the ferocity of the demands from these people, so I have no idea what was going through his mind once it all calmed down.

That's his account and he's wise enough to know when to tell the truth - he's also a terrible liar, but the subject matter makes him awkward to talk to, so it muddies the waters. The police took every last device, SD card, memory stick and external hard drive away. My son was always confident that he would get everything back apart from his phone, as there was no other transferring or sharing and that is exactly what happened - all of his other devices were returned on Saturday.

However, he has a voluntary interview next week - the Police won't tell me anything and the first I'll know of what exactly he downloaded, whether he's telling the whole truth and what the Police intend doing as a next step is in the interview itself and I'm so scared that it'll spiral out of control and they'll start talking about charges, prosecution and even worse, arrest him.

To be clear, if he has lied to us through these last few months, then he'll have to face the Police and the consquences.

Anyone else had this experience with a teenage son, I know the Police focus on rehabilitation and ensuring that he doesn't do it again rather than full blown prosecution & jail, but it's still terryfying - He's got his whole future ahead of him.



Myself and my hsuband are finding it hard to come to terms with having our house searched and even being involved in this process. Reading this forum tough, we are not alone and I admire each and every one of you - being the ones left to pick up the pieces is *exceedingly* hard.



Thanks x

Thanks BaffledB


Terryfying is the word, for sure! We have arranged for a Solicitor to be present at the interview - My son tends to talk to much - (as well as fidget like mad) - when he;s nervous, so I thought that we needed someone to put a stop to too much talking!

I'm sure that there are aspects to this that he's left out, but I don't think that I'm in for a big shock. From the phone call to say that all his devices we avaiable to the notification the Police had to say that they had finished investigating his phone was very short, so we feel that there couldn't be too much to delve in to - It depends on the category of the images, I guess - even if he hasn't looked at all of them, he had them & shared them.

The worse thing is not knowing right now and the endless rounds of "I guess that"...or "Surely if..." etc. My son is also a bit relieved to have the interview set and to "get it over with".

As a teenager, navigating the internet, curiosity about girls, hormones flying everywhere and being able to identify a potentially dodgy situation before you wade in must be a nightmare!

Preparing for the worst, but hoping for the best. Can't imagine what life will be like if they push for a conviction.

Hi Grace Hush

What an awful situation - I'd always hoped for a balance between punishment and prevention but your son seems not to have any of that.

My son was intending to go to 6th Form next year, but I fear that any charges, pending conviction or bail etc would make that quite a waste of time - I fear for his future if he has to declare this at such a young age.

I feel that the punishment has to fit the crime - he knows he's done wrong - but it's the not knowing what's in store that's making this final week so difficult.

Reading all you comments has highlighted the importance of striking the right balance between remorse, co operation and ensuring that this doesn't start his adult life off with no hope & no prospects.

I do hope that things get better for your son, it's such a difficult thing to overcome and must take a huge amount of self motivation, especially if one feels that everything is against them.

Hi Grace Hush

Soul destroying is the best description yet... It comes in waves, positive thoughts, negative thoughts and total panic, which does chip away at you bit by bit.

We're in Lincolnshire, so I don't know if anyone else has had experience of our Police. So far they have been OK, but I'll no doubt find out next week!

Thanks for your positive words. My husband is being a bit naive I think and thinks that all he'll get is a slap on the wrist.

HI Alison 20.

Great to hear from you... I've struggled to understand what it all means for my son, being only 15.

The case seems to be speeding along, we only had the visit from the police in October and already they have arranged the volunteer interview.

I will call the helpline as you suggest - I think that it all depends on the category of the images, he didn't look at all of them, so he has no idea what some files contained. I will be the adult attending the interview, so I need as much information as possible now - forwarned is foramed and all that.

Thanks for taking the time to pass on your comments.

HI BaffledB

NFA is more than I dare to hope for! My son is worried, but pleased to get that interview done with sooner rather than later, he's kind of ready to face it head on. Of course, for teenagers now, the Internet and strange and nasty things that happen there is part of their daily life, and whilst he is not dismissing the seriousness of it, the online word is something that he encounters every day.

It's so hard to advise him, I don't want him to be scared of having girlfriends etc, so we did point out that it wasn't wrong to look at images, just of people under 18....although sometimes it's hard to tell. We said that regardless of the girls age, she's someone's daughter, someone's sister and to respect that.

Thanks for your messages of positivity.

Hi Maij

Again, I'm completely humbled by the kind words and comments on my post and thank you for taking the time to reply to me.

So glad to hear a positive story, we encouraged my son to be as straight forward as possible and more importantly, ensure that he makes it clear that he wants to fix what has gone wrong - it's heartening to hear how it's worked well for your son and that he's been able to voluntarily confont his behaviour.

Again, I'm looking for the balance between openess and honesty and making sure that he doesn't talk himself into more trouble. I'm also quite keen to have all the information out in the open so I know what we're actually dealing with - there is so much out of our hands right now and it will be good to get informed.

I will definitely be speaking to the helpline and I've read lots of information on the LFF website.

Thank you so much!

Hi Alison20

That makes no sense - how can that approach to remorse and rehabilitation be in the public interest to ignore and just prosecute regardless?

From what I have read, there is too many grey areas and too much open to different interpretation by different people - we all want what's best for our children and its hard to see them making huge mistakes, but even harder when things spiral out of your hands.

From the fog of memory of the day they searched the house - I remember talking to the police about his age, his school and his future etc and I felt that they did not want to ruin a young person's life just because they could. At the time of course, I had no idea to what extent my son had been downloading, so my mind was all over the place.

Definitely feel a bit more informed after all your lovely messages. I do love a project, so I now have a few phone calls to make and some information to gather!

Hi Alison20

Thank you so much!