Why?
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What are the reasons the accused/offenders have given to you for doing this?
I'm struggling to understand why, a supposedly intelligent, well respected man who has so much more than lots of people.
my partner says he 'doesn't know' and is working through modules with stop it now, to 'try to find out why he did this'
He says he didn't go looking for it, it was initially a pop up on social media that got him curious, interested and this 'curiosity' lasted 1-2 years before he stopped looking, but he also shared 20.
A month later came the knock. He says it's like at the time it wasn't real life/real people 'just a picture' he liked at the time. I don't understand why he would like that age anyway, or why he thought it was 'just a picture' and not a victim. He says he's not attracted to children 'in real life' - how can I believe that?
Since the knock he has realised the extent of what he's done (I hope) and that they are all victims. I'm trying to understand why.
I feel sick even writing this post.
I'm struggling to understand why, a supposedly intelligent, well respected man who has so much more than lots of people.
my partner says he 'doesn't know' and is working through modules with stop it now, to 'try to find out why he did this'
He says he didn't go looking for it, it was initially a pop up on social media that got him curious, interested and this 'curiosity' lasted 1-2 years before he stopped looking, but he also shared 20.
A month later came the knock. He says it's like at the time it wasn't real life/real people 'just a picture' he liked at the time. I don't understand why he would like that age anyway, or why he thought it was 'just a picture' and not a victim. He says he's not attracted to children 'in real life' - how can I believe that?
Since the knock he has realised the extent of what he's done (I hope) and that they are all victims. I'm trying to understand why.
I feel sick even writing this post.
I highly recommend he get on the inform course and maybe you can go on the family and friends version. The online modules are useful but my partner really benefited from 'face to face' contact with others in the same situation and with professionals. They have him homework to really think about his actions.
It can take some time for offenders to break it down as to why. My partner had been going online pretending to be a young person on chat rooms for years, it was hard for him to pin point when it all began. One thing we know is that he had an unhealthy relationship with porn from a young age, and he had confidence issues which meant he liked getting the attention from others online.
Desensitizing is a common aspect to the offending . My partner also described it as a fantasy, not accepting that these images and videos are of real victims. It is very hard to comprehend how anyone can think like that. My partner also is well educated and you would have no idea he was able to do such horrible things. He has an addictive nature and has a thing for thrills. I feel like if it wasn't online offending it would have been something else as he didn't know how to cope with the stresses in his reality.
Rehabilitation has been great for my partner, but it cannot be denied that he may never be 'in the clear'. He has to keep up with his rehabilitation, know his triggers and seek help or use self help to prevent reoffending or taking up any other unhealthy behaviours.
Another suggestion is there are peer reviewed papers on the LF website I believe. I read a few when I initially found out about my partner. I come from a science background and found the studies interesting. It is well documented that not all offenders are the same.
It can take some time for offenders to break it down as to why. My partner had been going online pretending to be a young person on chat rooms for years, it was hard for him to pin point when it all began. One thing we know is that he had an unhealthy relationship with porn from a young age, and he had confidence issues which meant he liked getting the attention from others online.
Desensitizing is a common aspect to the offending . My partner also described it as a fantasy, not accepting that these images and videos are of real victims. It is very hard to comprehend how anyone can think like that. My partner also is well educated and you would have no idea he was able to do such horrible things. He has an addictive nature and has a thing for thrills. I feel like if it wasn't online offending it would have been something else as he didn't know how to cope with the stresses in his reality.
Rehabilitation has been great for my partner, but it cannot be denied that he may never be 'in the clear'. He has to keep up with his rehabilitation, know his triggers and seek help or use self help to prevent reoffending or taking up any other unhealthy behaviours.
Another suggestion is there are peer reviewed papers on the LF website I believe. I read a few when I initially found out about my partner. I come from a science background and found the studies interesting. It is well documented that not all offenders are the same.
Thank you Majestic, I'll have a look.
Thanks Lee, I think I've read them all now, helpful to know so many others in same boat. I'm struggling as I like everything to be black or white which we all know it definitely not the case here x
Thanks Lee, I think I've read them all now, helpful to know so many others in same boat. I'm struggling as I like everything to be black or white which we all know it definitely not the case here x