Family and Friends Forum

HI can see you've deleted your post, posting again may help and you may find some support and advice off these lovely ladies.
Im sure nothing is your fault and only the person who chose to do this to us

Hi So tired,

If you need a safe space to post that is not accessible by just anyone then I highly recommend the StopSO Forum. Just Google it and follow instructions. There are some extremely supportive, knowledgeable and experienced members on there.

Whatever reason you posted for I hope you are OK xxx

Hello So Tired

I did not get a chance to read your post but as we have communicated a bit on this forum in the past, I do hope you and your son are doing OK, or as OK as can be expected.

I will keep looking on the off chance that you post again, to see if I can help/support you at all.

Take care and best wishes. x

Hi so tired,

I know we have shared a lot of similarities with our stories so far and just wanted to say I understand how it feels to have such a young son commit such offences and that I too have felt the burden of blame.

I don't believe I am to blame, but I feel it nontheless.

I don't belive I could have realistically done anything to change what has happened, but I endlessly think about what I could or should have done.

I believe I've genuinely been a good parent but I still question every single choice I ever made.

I hope you know that you are not to blame, no matter the post you originally wrote. Parenting is a complicated journey with no easy answers and a million and one variables and outside influences. All we can do is make the best decisions we can with th information we have at the time.

No matter how much I believe all this, I still feel the shame, grief and guilt and I wanted to say I understand and you're not alone. Hopefully these feelings will fade in time. I hope your court date went/goes well (not sure when it was) and you and your children can start to heal xx

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Ladies

I can resonate with this so much how could I have not known, I feel I let my son down! I know we all have the same thoughts

This awful journey for all concerned xx

A wound full lady gave me some advice

Stop and breath,, no of this is our behaviour and I anyway shape or form is this our fault but by slowing things down and breathing,, talking help with trying to process what's going on.

Their is no right or wrong way to deal with this you have to do what is right for you and none body else.

You have to put yourself first because you can't pour from a empty cup it makes you ill.

Keep coming here and posting and using the helpline when I had the knock I never thro I was ever going to get where I am now but i am here and just putting small baby steps moving forward..

Your the pencil and its time to write your story,,

Their is no time line to deal with this to,, I hope this gives so hope but just try and take control over what you can lots love xx x

Nicely put smile and mail!

I must confess to being a bit of a control freak and that lack of control is so very difficult to cope with

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So Tired I spent a lot of pointless hours/days/weeks thinking about why I didn't see what was going and and what if anything I might have done to stop it, or even if I had unwittingly contributed in some way to the situation. Of course this speculating was a compete waste of time, we are where we are and can only move forward, so no point looking back.

We are going through enough already without whipping ourselves as well.

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Hi Sotired

So glad you are ok and it went ok at court and he is home

It's a tough journey to be on but hopefully now you can try to move past this and rebuild

This group is amazing with the level of support and non judgemental it makes such a difference knowing we are not alone

Just wanted to send you a hug xx

Well done for being so brave and getting back to us x

Hi SoTired

I am so pleased you have all managed court today and your son is back home.

It must be a huge relief to you and your son. I hope he will be able to move forward now (quite possibly with the support of your local Youth Justice Team)

Sending you a big hug. x

Hi SoTired

It's good to hear from you. I hope you all are feeling a bit better since court the other day.

I have been thinking about you, as it brought back the memories of the court day for us- it's so emotionally draining but after a couple of days everyone was feeling a little bit better.

Look after yourself and take care x

Hi So Tired

The court making that clerical error sounds terrible and must have been distressing. Have you managed to sort it out now? I hope so

It was the police that made a fair amount of admin errors in our case thoughout the whole process and we found it very much added to the stress we were already under.

Are you feeling a bit better now your son has been to court, returned home and I am assuming you and he now know what the next stage in the process will be for him?

Hi So Tired

Definitely take one day at a time - the recovery from all of this will take a while. We are six months in from the court day and we are all still healing/recovering.

Your son is lucky to have you as a mum and hopefully you will be able to build up his weight steadily, as he too recovers from this process. Hopefully you will get off to a good start with all the goodies/extra calories that are all around because of Christmas!

In time you may want to write about all the errors that have happened to you. I have recently written to the police regarding all the errors that were made as a ' letter of concern' (and how they made us feel and the impact it had on the young person in our family) which took me over five months before I felt able to write it but I have found it very theraputic to do this. The police have logged it as a complaint and appear to at this stage taking my concerns seriously.

I hope this makes sense, but I am 'so tired' now, so going off to sleep now......

Hopefully speak soon.

You take care x