Not myself
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Really struggling this week. Husband has been in prison almost 3 months now and another 15 to go. Media and telling friends is all over now. Was finally starting to get back on my feet and making steps to return to normality. Started a phased return to work (in an educational setting), but after 1 day in the building I was called to a meeting the following week to raise concerns they have due to my ongoing contact with OH. Feeling like I'm being punished for a situation that was not of my own making. Have union support to fight. But for the first time since he's gone I'm feeling so down. Not got the motivation to do anything. I can watch TV for half an hour then I lose interest, spent so much of today just staring into space, wanting all of this to be done with. I have some friends locally who I know I can call on, but you don't want to put on people with this burden all the time. Tried calling the helpline but was on hold til they closed at 9pm. I'm normally so pro-active if I'm feeling down I just do something productive, but today I'm not feeling like me. Feels like I've lost hold of what it is I'm even fighting for now. Just all feels pointless. Work are questioning their trust and confidence in me, when I have done absolutely nothing wrong. Feeling so alone and helpless. It's like I'm being handed my own sentence, I want to be working and I can't. Got to wait til new year for another meeting but so far not a whisper of what outcome they're proposing.
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I'm so sorry to hear your struggles Busylizzie. I can't help but I just wanted to say that I hear you xx it sounds completely reasonable to feel low with all that going on and the lack of control you have over the things happening so be kind to yourself xxx
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I'm sorry you're having a tough time busylizzie. I just wanted to send sympathy.
You're going through so much and it makes sense for you to be struggling.
I know you said before that you're having counselling, have you spoken to your gp as well? I don't know how you feel about medication but it could be a helpful option if you've not already explored that?
Perhaps you could call another helpline that is easier to get through to so you can talk when you need to? The samaritans are 24/7 or there's a text service you can use called shout which is also 24/7.
Sending love x
You're going through so much and it makes sense for you to be struggling.
I know you said before that you're having counselling, have you spoken to your gp as well? I don't know how you feel about medication but it could be a helpful option if you've not already explored that?
Perhaps you could call another helpline that is easier to get through to so you can talk when you need to? The samaritans are 24/7 or there's a text service you can use called shout which is also 24/7.
Sending love x
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Thank you ladies for your kind words of support and advice.
I'm only early 30s, so too early to retire and I really do love my school and (most!) colleagues. So really hoping I can stay. In terms of silver linings, my counsellor has talked to me about being creative with ideas for the future if I'm staying with hubby to avoid being in this situation again. Sometimes I think, just sack it all in and start an alpaca farm or something XD then other times I get angry that I could lose my livelihood and career which I have worked to hard to achieve, when I've lost so much already.
I honestly think we deserve a medal sometimes for what we cope with, looking after everyone else before making sure our own heads are still above water. I don't have kids so the house is empty without him and more time to think and get anxious (espec with this new development). I'm such a sociable person, but at the moment don't even feel like seeing people as much as I feel I can't be myself with this hanging over me, I don't want people to know about what's happening at work (only told a couple of v close friends) as pretty much all my family and friends already know the details of everything else and it is so tiring being the subject of their advice/gossip etc already without this as well.
Counselling is fantastic, but it's once a week and I long for Fridays to come so I can start my session. I guess part of this problem is just having lots more alone time, I like to keep busy and being at work is part of that! Anyway, feeling a bit better this morning, I think even the days themselves have peaks and troughs, I read something yesterday which I quite like, if you're feeling down: write down 3 things a day that are positive eg.the sky is blue, I went on a run etc, so you have something good to feel :)
Thank you for your support again and if you have made it this far reading my mind's ramblings!!
I'm only early 30s, so too early to retire and I really do love my school and (most!) colleagues. So really hoping I can stay. In terms of silver linings, my counsellor has talked to me about being creative with ideas for the future if I'm staying with hubby to avoid being in this situation again. Sometimes I think, just sack it all in and start an alpaca farm or something XD then other times I get angry that I could lose my livelihood and career which I have worked to hard to achieve, when I've lost so much already.
I honestly think we deserve a medal sometimes for what we cope with, looking after everyone else before making sure our own heads are still above water. I don't have kids so the house is empty without him and more time to think and get anxious (espec with this new development). I'm such a sociable person, but at the moment don't even feel like seeing people as much as I feel I can't be myself with this hanging over me, I don't want people to know about what's happening at work (only told a couple of v close friends) as pretty much all my family and friends already know the details of everything else and it is so tiring being the subject of their advice/gossip etc already without this as well.
Counselling is fantastic, but it's once a week and I long for Fridays to come so I can start my session. I guess part of this problem is just having lots more alone time, I like to keep busy and being at work is part of that! Anyway, feeling a bit better this morning, I think even the days themselves have peaks and troughs, I read something yesterday which I quite like, if you're feeling down: write down 3 things a day that are positive eg.the sky is blue, I went on a run etc, so you have something good to feel :)
Thank you for your support again and if you have made it this far reading my mind's ramblings!!
Hi Bizzie Lizzie, sorry to hear about the grief you are getting from your work. It sounds very unfair. Can you get trade union support?
IDo you have one or more trusted friends that you could confide in to give you some support? It's great that you are getting counselling, but it's not good to be totally reliant on it.
Hang on in there, I can understand both your consideration of a radical change in career and also the anger and resentment at giving up your existing one. If you are interested I. Changing career there is a good resource for this in a website called careershifters. You can Google it.
IDo you have one or more trusted friends that you could confide in to give you some support? It's great that you are getting counselling, but it's not good to be totally reliant on it.
Hang on in there, I can understand both your consideration of a radical change in career and also the anger and resentment at giving up your existing one. If you are interested I. Changing career there is a good resource for this in a website called careershifters. You can Google it.
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Hi BusyLizzie,
I really feel your sadness and think it must be awful having to deal with this yourself. I am desperate to go back to work and despite my managers support to get me back I am so fearful of reprisals from ignorant colleagues and members of the public who may know either myself or my husband. What has been strange is quite a few of my work colleagues have remained in close contact and have supported me whilst at the same time have disclosed details about their own husbands offences which I had absolutely no knowledge of, I certainly have had my eyes opened to these lovely people who have been carrying these burdens around but carrying on with their daily routines regardless. I have been sworn to secrecy by all four of these people but they have all given me hope that life can carry on, two partners were given custodial sentences of which one happened five years ago and the other has only just been released after serving three years.
Loneliness and isolation can be horrendous especially when there are so many twists and turns to our situations. I sincerely hope you find there is someone who will listen, understand and work with you through this terrible time. X
I really feel your sadness and think it must be awful having to deal with this yourself. I am desperate to go back to work and despite my managers support to get me back I am so fearful of reprisals from ignorant colleagues and members of the public who may know either myself or my husband. What has been strange is quite a few of my work colleagues have remained in close contact and have supported me whilst at the same time have disclosed details about their own husbands offences which I had absolutely no knowledge of, I certainly have had my eyes opened to these lovely people who have been carrying these burdens around but carrying on with their daily routines regardless. I have been sworn to secrecy by all four of these people but they have all given me hope that life can carry on, two partners were given custodial sentences of which one happened five years ago and the other has only just been released after serving three years.
Loneliness and isolation can be horrendous especially when there are so many twists and turns to our situations. I sincerely hope you find there is someone who will listen, understand and work with you through this terrible time. X
Thank you Bitterbean. I do have union support yes, they are being great and talking to them makes me feel that school can't push me into decisions, but then other times the anxiety overrides that. I've been feeling a lot better since the day I posted feeling awful. It tends to be around the meetings with school when I start to feel powerless and overwhelmed, then I just get back into my non-routine of my current day to day 'normality'. I do have a few friends who I'm confiding in closely about these developments, but then some others know a little but not as much, which makes spending time with them a bit less heavy, which I also need and deserve I think. Thanks for the advice about career changing, will take a look.
Katie thank you also for your response. I have also learned of colleagues going through similar but for them it was in the family rather than their partner, so feels slightly different. Still useful to have a couple of colleagues who at least know how painful and isolating this experience can be. Do you also work in an educational setting?
Katie thank you also for your response. I have also learned of colleagues going through similar but for them it was in the family rather than their partner, so feels slightly different. Still useful to have a couple of colleagues who at least know how painful and isolating this experience can be. Do you also work in an educational setting?
Hi busylizzie, I read a story on the unlock site a few days ago that made me think of your situation. It was a positive story about a teacher who's husbands conviction was disclosed on her DBS but the school still gave her a job. Maybe worth a look if you get chance, I think unlock may also be able to offer you advice about your situation if you wanted to give them a call.
I hope you're doing OK and hope things are sorted out so you can move on positively soon. X
I hope you're doing OK and hope things are sorted out so you can move on positively soon. X
Ooh thank you Grace, I will take a look. I feel like I have a whole new set of guardian angels through using this forum now :)
Busy Lizzie I do recognise the swings between being overwhelmed and feeling more normal! After over a year I'm on more of an even keel now, but every time there's correspondence from the solicitor it all comes rushing back. Sometimes I feel like I'm leading a double life, there's "normal me" and "wrecked me". It gets very draining sometimes... I wonder if it will ever really be over or if I'll always feel I'm carrying a secret that can only be shared with a trusted few and that I will always have to be on the alert to being "outed".
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