Dealing with the fallout..
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Hello Brave people,
I am new to this site which is the last place I ever expected to be posting on. We had the knock last February (the day I was due to get interviewed for a new job), OH initially denied knowledge but quickly admitted he had done something but claimed it had been accidental. Few months down the line and he attended for a voluntary interview. Was told at the interview offence was so minor it should be signed off by CPS and he should forget about it. Then the real horror came, a summons to attend court with charges of making iioc and distribution of 1 category B. I supported him in court and was horrified to see a journalist, that night my already crumbling world totally collapsed, it was all over the local press, despite hiding ourselves leaving court the press had managed to find a picture and his job title/profession via LinkedIn. I was devastated, we both work with the public and due to his job his case became high profile. Because of his job he also pleaded guilty to charges he should never have pleaded guilty to but due to evidence on his device he told me he had no choice otherwise he would definitely go to prison. 4 weeks later and a new barrister (who was furious he had pleaded guilty) and his sentence happened, I thought the press had already damaged him and myself but their portrayal of him making him out to be a monster was so distressing, neither of us are in denial as I have been present at every interview/meeting etc but I know the press totally sensationalised and distorted the whole truth around the offence. At present we have had cameras installed around the house and I refuse to go out for fear of vigilantes. I am devastated I can't work especially during the current epidemic, we have had SS involved with assessments of our children. I am totally overwhelmed with what has been the worst ever experience of my life, I know my OH committed an offence to which he got 12 months suspended, a 6 month curfew and 10 years SOR and SHPO but I feel I am being punished on a daily basis. I am livid that the press have the freedom to print sensational stories and publishing all address details etc of people they really know little about. I have considered approaching them to take the story off google but not sure if this is either feasible or wise. If anyone has any suggestions can you please advise. Also thank you to all for sharing your personal and difficult accounts /experiences of something I am sure none of us want to be part of.
Tgank you for reading. X
I am new to this site which is the last place I ever expected to be posting on. We had the knock last February (the day I was due to get interviewed for a new job), OH initially denied knowledge but quickly admitted he had done something but claimed it had been accidental. Few months down the line and he attended for a voluntary interview. Was told at the interview offence was so minor it should be signed off by CPS and he should forget about it. Then the real horror came, a summons to attend court with charges of making iioc and distribution of 1 category B. I supported him in court and was horrified to see a journalist, that night my already crumbling world totally collapsed, it was all over the local press, despite hiding ourselves leaving court the press had managed to find a picture and his job title/profession via LinkedIn. I was devastated, we both work with the public and due to his job his case became high profile. Because of his job he also pleaded guilty to charges he should never have pleaded guilty to but due to evidence on his device he told me he had no choice otherwise he would definitely go to prison. 4 weeks later and a new barrister (who was furious he had pleaded guilty) and his sentence happened, I thought the press had already damaged him and myself but their portrayal of him making him out to be a monster was so distressing, neither of us are in denial as I have been present at every interview/meeting etc but I know the press totally sensationalised and distorted the whole truth around the offence. At present we have had cameras installed around the house and I refuse to go out for fear of vigilantes. I am devastated I can't work especially during the current epidemic, we have had SS involved with assessments of our children. I am totally overwhelmed with what has been the worst ever experience of my life, I know my OH committed an offence to which he got 12 months suspended, a 6 month curfew and 10 years SOR and SHPO but I feel I am being punished on a daily basis. I am livid that the press have the freedom to print sensational stories and publishing all address details etc of people they really know little about. I have considered approaching them to take the story off google but not sure if this is either feasible or wise. If anyone has any suggestions can you please advise. Also thank you to all for sharing your personal and difficult accounts /experiences of something I am sure none of us want to be part of.
Tgank you for reading. X
Hello Katie
Welcome and well done for telling us your story. We are behind you in our journey ,with my husband due in Court next week to plead guilty to making iioc in categories A and C. He is dreading the press more than anything else I think and has made some "improvements" to the house so it is more secure incase anyone decides to come find us. I am not sure how I will feel if his story is reported but I and many others on this forum get the idea we are being punished when we have done nothing wrong. Some have been snubbed by family and friends , some have been badly treated at work and so many Mum's feel judged by services who should be there to empower and support them.
I don't know what kind of support is in place just for you but it sounds as if you need help with your own recovery. Although this has been a disaster for your household wi th lasting effects personally, professionally and financially the great public move on quite quicky; this week's news is next week's chip wrappers they say. Whatever you do please don't stay within a prison of your own making. You have done nothing wrong, you don't deserve criticism, you shouldn't feel ashamed.
Quite a lot of folks here have found counselling or therapy of help, CBT can help you just get through the day by setting some small goals, some have found their GP sympathetic. I really hope you manage to focus on your own needs at this time. You deserve it.
Welcome and well done for telling us your story. We are behind you in our journey ,with my husband due in Court next week to plead guilty to making iioc in categories A and C. He is dreading the press more than anything else I think and has made some "improvements" to the house so it is more secure incase anyone decides to come find us. I am not sure how I will feel if his story is reported but I and many others on this forum get the idea we are being punished when we have done nothing wrong. Some have been snubbed by family and friends , some have been badly treated at work and so many Mum's feel judged by services who should be there to empower and support them.
I don't know what kind of support is in place just for you but it sounds as if you need help with your own recovery. Although this has been a disaster for your household wi th lasting effects personally, professionally and financially the great public move on quite quicky; this week's news is next week's chip wrappers they say. Whatever you do please don't stay within a prison of your own making. You have done nothing wrong, you don't deserve criticism, you shouldn't feel ashamed.
Quite a lot of folks here have found counselling or therapy of help, CBT can help you just get through the day by setting some small goals, some have found their GP sympathetic. I really hope you manage to focus on your own needs at this time. You deserve it.
Hi Katie, I'm so sorry that you have found yourself here - it truly is devastating for us wives, partners and mums. Please keep visiting and chatting to us, it's such a great resource for practical advice as well as emotional support on what is otherwise such a lonely situation.
Sending you huge hugs x
Sending you huge hugs x
Thank you Judith and Lola for your lovely kind messages of support.
i think one of the biggest mistakes (beside the offence) was my husband not checking he had deleted all social media accounts and that is where the press managed to get their information on him. They certainly know where to dig. I urge anyone waiting court for either plea hearing or sentencing to make sure all social media accounts are deleted and not accessible. Of all accounts he hadn't deleted it was his LinkedIn which had a picture attached and all of his work history. Needless to say I will never buy these papers again or even open a link to them online, the danger their stories puts people in is unreal.
I have managed to arrange counselling through work but also waiting for Gp arranged sessions to start. Hopefully this will help with my severe anxiety and insomnia (all new to me since the knock).
I am so sad to see so many people going through this nightmare especially partners/mothers/siblings/ friends etc who will never recover or be able to move on. But I am also encouraged by some positive outcomes which are very reassuring, I hope and pray everyone can find some peace of mind.
i think one of the biggest mistakes (beside the offence) was my husband not checking he had deleted all social media accounts and that is where the press managed to get their information on him. They certainly know where to dig. I urge anyone waiting court for either plea hearing or sentencing to make sure all social media accounts are deleted and not accessible. Of all accounts he hadn't deleted it was his LinkedIn which had a picture attached and all of his work history. Needless to say I will never buy these papers again or even open a link to them online, the danger their stories puts people in is unreal.
I have managed to arrange counselling through work but also waiting for Gp arranged sessions to start. Hopefully this will help with my severe anxiety and insomnia (all new to me since the knock).
I am so sad to see so many people going through this nightmare especially partners/mothers/siblings/ friends etc who will never recover or be able to move on. But I am also encouraged by some positive outcomes which are very reassuring, I hope and pray everyone can find some peace of mind.
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Hi Bitterbean,
I hope my advice has helped you, I have to say we couldn't believe we missed his LinkedIn account given it's the one account that describes so much about you.
Fortunately up to now and we are a few weeks post sentencing (touch wood) everything has been okay with regard to security. Despite my families concerns that I haven't and don't want to go out, I believe keeping a low profile and distancing ourselves from the press coverage has been the right thing to do. We have a fabulous police liaison officer who has told us to ring her any time at all, we actually spoke with her at 01:30 this morning to ask advice. Also my husband's probation officer is coming to see us both next week, he has had some one to one sessions with her and she also has offered a lot of support and reassurance . This is a brand new world to me but I have to say all the authorities involved with my husband have been respectful of both of us and appear to be non judgmental. The press were interested in my husband because of his professional status, we knew if they were in court they would go above and beyond to sensationalise his case, what they didn't take into account is my job with the public which I can no longer do.
I hope you don't have to wait too long for an outcome and I pray the press won't be in court, just remember they are not always there it can be hit and miss. Take as much coverage for both of you going in and out of court, I.e. scarves, masks, hats umbrellas etc, it's not the going in but when you come out when they try to photograph you, they are not allowed to do it in the court building and they are not allowed to photograph "you".
Let me know when you are due to go to court, I will be thinking of you and will say prayers for you as I now pray for everyone who has to join this site.
Please take one day at a time, I know as I did you won't rest till after the court case.
Sending you hugs and prayers xxx
I hope my advice has helped you, I have to say we couldn't believe we missed his LinkedIn account given it's the one account that describes so much about you.
Fortunately up to now and we are a few weeks post sentencing (touch wood) everything has been okay with regard to security. Despite my families concerns that I haven't and don't want to go out, I believe keeping a low profile and distancing ourselves from the press coverage has been the right thing to do. We have a fabulous police liaison officer who has told us to ring her any time at all, we actually spoke with her at 01:30 this morning to ask advice. Also my husband's probation officer is coming to see us both next week, he has had some one to one sessions with her and she also has offered a lot of support and reassurance . This is a brand new world to me but I have to say all the authorities involved with my husband have been respectful of both of us and appear to be non judgmental. The press were interested in my husband because of his professional status, we knew if they were in court they would go above and beyond to sensationalise his case, what they didn't take into account is my job with the public which I can no longer do.
I hope you don't have to wait too long for an outcome and I pray the press won't be in court, just remember they are not always there it can be hit and miss. Take as much coverage for both of you going in and out of court, I.e. scarves, masks, hats umbrellas etc, it's not the going in but when you come out when they try to photograph you, they are not allowed to do it in the court building and they are not allowed to photograph "you".
Let me know when you are due to go to court, I will be thinking of you and will say prayers for you as I now pray for everyone who has to join this site.
Please take one day at a time, I know as I did you won't rest till after the court case.
Sending you hugs and prayers xxx
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I think it is so bad that other innocent members of the families involved suffer so much in the fallout from this.I do not understand how it is in the "public interest" or the best interests of the country.In my view it just shows how the whole way this is dealt with from prevention to "justice" needs changing.I am,however, not holding my breath for anything to be done because those who could do something are interested only in serving their own ends from MPs downwards.
In my friend's case,he is the only one involved as he has no family and only a few friends owing to his MH problems,which have been made worse since this started.
In my friend's case,he is the only one involved as he has no family and only a few friends owing to his MH problems,which have been made worse since this started.
Oh Smile, I share every thought and emotion there. As I've said to the police liaison how on earth are we supposed to help our family/friend/ etc rehabilitate whilst dealing with this intrusion of lies and abuse from a pathetically written article that is a criminal act in itself. I am so so sorry you have had to deal with that too, to read horrendous and damaging articles about your son is soul destroying especially knowing how easily this has happened to him and the efforts he has made in the past to make you proud. I will never so much as pick up any newspaper again after this.
It's just so unfair, how a decent family is dragged in the gutter......
My husband is due in court next month. I am terrified of the press finding out. Our police also post in their Facebook page and I am wondering if we can request them not to do this to protect our family?