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Hi
A little bit nervous about posting here for the first time but wondering if anyone else has been in the same situation as me & what you did/are doing.
Part of my husband’s bail conditions means that he cannot be left unsupervised with under 18s. This means he can’t live with us at the moment as we have a 9 year old whose safety is absolutely paramount to me.
It’s been a fortnight since ‘the knock’ and so far my work (I had to tell them what was happening due to both childcare arrangements and the fact that the police took the company’s laptop) have been absolutely amazing. However, they won’t be able to be this accommodating for too much longer. One issue is that my job means I sometimes need to spend a night away from home. This is an unavoidable part of the job and I have nobody else who can help look after my daughter whilst I’m away. Whilst my company have made it possible for me to stay at home with her for the next 6 weeks or so, I don’t think they will be able to do this for much longer than that.
It is of vital importance to me that I keep a roof over my daughter’s head and I need to work in order to do that. I am worried that if my husband is found guilty and is given a custodial sentence there will be no financial help from him so I really can’t afford not to work.
Has anyone found themselves needing to change jobs due to childcare needs? How quickly have you needed to do this? Any suggestions for what is best to do?
Many thanks in advance.
A little bit nervous about posting here for the first time but wondering if anyone else has been in the same situation as me & what you did/are doing.
Part of my husband’s bail conditions means that he cannot be left unsupervised with under 18s. This means he can’t live with us at the moment as we have a 9 year old whose safety is absolutely paramount to me.
It’s been a fortnight since ‘the knock’ and so far my work (I had to tell them what was happening due to both childcare arrangements and the fact that the police took the company’s laptop) have been absolutely amazing. However, they won’t be able to be this accommodating for too much longer. One issue is that my job means I sometimes need to spend a night away from home. This is an unavoidable part of the job and I have nobody else who can help look after my daughter whilst I’m away. Whilst my company have made it possible for me to stay at home with her for the next 6 weeks or so, I don’t think they will be able to do this for much longer than that.
It is of vital importance to me that I keep a roof over my daughter’s head and I need to work in order to do that. I am worried that if my husband is found guilty and is given a custodial sentence there will be no financial help from him so I really can’t afford not to work.
Has anyone found themselves needing to change jobs due to childcare needs? How quickly have you needed to do this? Any suggestions for what is best to do?
Many thanks in advance.
Hi ?????
Welcome to our little group under horrific circumstances!!
Foundry
Fortunately for me both my boys had long lived away as they are adults so I've not been in your situation but if you really have no-one to have your little one then I can't see anyway round it but having to look for another job!
Remember this is a really long, drawn out process, it's not going to be over in a few weeks. You need to make sure both you and your family are as well looked after as possible. This is as much about your self care as it is his if not more as you are now the lone parent for much of the time
Hope you can remain strong,
take care xxx
Welcome to our little group under horrific circumstances!!
Foundry
Fortunately for me both my boys had long lived away as they are adults so I've not been in your situation but if you really have no-one to have your little one then I can't see anyway round it but having to look for another job!
Remember this is a really long, drawn out process, it's not going to be over in a few weeks. You need to make sure both you and your family are as well looked after as possible. This is as much about your self care as it is his if not more as you are now the lone parent for much of the time
Hope you can remain strong,
take care xxx
Hi as Tracey said it’s a slow process. I am currently off sick. I do plan to go back but trying to negotiate another role in the company.
i am still very annoyed at my husband I didn’t set out to be a single mum paying the mortgage alone. And given the offence he can’t even help out in the school holidays.
you may need to find another job, so may I. But it’s early days. Take your time to make some decisions. It may also be worth calling the mortgage company just to say your on a single income and would like to review the finances.
You might not feel like you do, but you are going to manage, and make yourself and your children proud.
i am still very annoyed at my husband I didn’t set out to be a single mum paying the mortgage alone. And given the offence he can’t even help out in the school holidays.
you may need to find another job, so may I. But it’s early days. Take your time to make some decisions. It may also be worth calling the mortgage company just to say your on a single income and would like to review the finances.
You might not feel like you do, but you are going to manage, and make yourself and your children proud.
Thank you so much for your replies ladies, it’s great to hear other people’s ideas.
I’ll try to remember the advice about my own self care Tracey. Am now on penicillin for tonsillitis - have just been running around so much since the initial knock that I think I’ve physically completely worn myself out. Need to take things slower or I’ll be no use to my daughter at all. As Bethlou says, it’s a slow process so even though I want everything sorted out N.O.W. I probably need to be a bit more chilled.
I’m trying to live by a piece of advice my friend gave me about this which is ‘hope for the best but prepare for the worst’. Maybe I could slow down the speed of my preparations though! Having said that, the advice to let the bank know about the mortgage is fab - I’ll definitely do that.
I guess there are other jobs out there. It won’t be the same as mine is very niche & has been my dream job since I first heard of it over 20 years ago. I guess this is a journey & I’m anxious because I don’t know how it’s going to end. Think it’s going to be important to take the initiative and build the best future for my daughter and myself that I can rather than focusing too much on anything we have lost (will just do that after I’ve had a little rest & got over the tonsillitis :-)).
I’ll try to remember the advice about my own self care Tracey. Am now on penicillin for tonsillitis - have just been running around so much since the initial knock that I think I’ve physically completely worn myself out. Need to take things slower or I’ll be no use to my daughter at all. As Bethlou says, it’s a slow process so even though I want everything sorted out N.O.W. I probably need to be a bit more chilled.
I’m trying to live by a piece of advice my friend gave me about this which is ‘hope for the best but prepare for the worst’. Maybe I could slow down the speed of my preparations though! Having said that, the advice to let the bank know about the mortgage is fab - I’ll definitely do that.
I guess there are other jobs out there. It won’t be the same as mine is very niche & has been my dream job since I first heard of it over 20 years ago. I guess this is a journey & I’m anxious because I don’t know how it’s going to end. Think it’s going to be important to take the initiative and build the best future for my daughter and myself that I can rather than focusing too much on anything we have lost (will just do that after I’ve had a little rest & got over the tonsillitis :-)).
Hi ?????,
Do try to take care of yourself - running yourself down is so easily done (lord knows I'm still struggling to eat), but try to practise some self-care when you can. I've downloaded the Headspace app for meditation, and am trying to spend 10 minutes a day doing that.
I keep reminding myself I need to be strong and look after myself for the sake of the children involved - if I'm poorly/unfit to care for them, it doesn't help anyone.
As far as jobs go, I've been really lucky - I've been open and honest with my employer and they've given me their full support, actively encouraging me to take time out for counselling etc. I know not everyone can be as lucky, but I'm so glad I was honest, as it also means I don't have to worry too much about disappearing for a little cry when needed!
Do try to take care of yourself - running yourself down is so easily done (lord knows I'm still struggling to eat), but try to practise some self-care when you can. I've downloaded the Headspace app for meditation, and am trying to spend 10 minutes a day doing that.
I keep reminding myself I need to be strong and look after myself for the sake of the children involved - if I'm poorly/unfit to care for them, it doesn't help anyone.
As far as jobs go, I've been really lucky - I've been open and honest with my employer and they've given me their full support, actively encouraging me to take time out for counselling etc. I know not everyone can be as lucky, but I'm so glad I was honest, as it also means I don't have to worry too much about disappearing for a little cry when needed!
We are 4 years in and I'm still struggling with employment. I volunteer with several organisations. At the time of arrest my husband was the breadwinner so to speak so life on benefits after wasn't easy.
There are places that offer term time employment, usually it's in the schools. If you gave skills that can be moved over to that sort of work it could he worth looking just in case. However, your employer seems like they are very adaptable. If you are close with the "higher ups" it may be worth talking to them about your concerns. In one of my positions I am in management and we cannot ask someone to leave without good reason, we adapt to their needs first.
There are places that offer term time employment, usually it's in the schools. If you gave skills that can be moved over to that sort of work it could he worth looking just in case. However, your employer seems like they are very adaptable. If you are close with the "higher ups" it may be worth talking to them about your concerns. In one of my positions I am in management and we cannot ask someone to leave without good reason, we adapt to their needs first.
Hi - my partner is still in family home but I have to be in house at same time. I am still off sick and desperately trying to work out what to do with work. I have looked at au pair sites - this might be an option for you. I have had loads of messages already - it is cheaper than a nanny. Don’t think it will be right for me due to space but is worth thinking about. My friend was a single parent (not from this) and the father disappeared from their lives - she managed to have a managerial job with demands on her time by getting an au pair for her two kids. Worth thinking about.
Wow, the financial implications of this are stressing me out so much at the moment. Thanks for sharing where you’re at ladies - it’s good to know that not everyone gets the employment situation sorted out on day 1. I think my plan for now is to keep thinking and trying to work with the higher ups as much as possible. Ultimately, I don’t think I’ll necessarily be able to stay in my job (such a shame because it’s amazing) but I want to postpone a big job search for a couple of months if possible. My daughter is just coming to terms with the fact that dad’s not around very much, so I’d like to try to keep everything else as stable as poss for the next few weeks/months.