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Today was a better day

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Mum50

Member since
December 2021

56 posts

Posted Wed December 22, 2021 9:27pmReport post

I'm very new to this a week for my son only 4 days for the family World come crashing down have had so many thoughts and still so many questions today I felt a little normal again I know it won't last but it wS just nice to feel.

I was wondering how you all coped did you bombard them with questions did you want all the answers straight away did you demand they told you.

Do I want to know ? Do I need to know? I'm a person that needs to speak about my feelings where my husband won't.

So who do I talk to I can't tell my friends not yet I can't risk the fact they may not talk to me again.

As much as my daughter as been my rock I can not keep burdening her she as enough on her plate with her family.

We had a small knit family which now as been torn apart will I ever get it back I really hope so.

I just feel so scared of what is ahead.

Thank you if you have read this I just need to tell someone.

And I will write this in my notebook too and hopefully over the coming months it can read back and see how far I have come

X

Lola53

Member since
May 2021

269 posts

Posted Thu December 23, 2021 12:34pmReport post

I tried not to bombard with questions - partly because I didn't want the answers - but we walked and talked a lot. I found walking good because you're not face to face and it's more neutral. But I would just try to be calm, not rush anything, support your son and read everything you can about this xx

Mum50

Member since
December 2021

56 posts

Posted Thu December 23, 2021 5:46pmReport post

Lola 53

Thank you so much for your words

I actually walked out with him today and yes found it easier to talk .

I dont want to know yet I need time to digested what I know already but I do think he needs to be true to himself before he can talk to me.

I'm not making any excuse for him but somewhere when I look at him I see my son there so I will help all I can

Thank-you fir answering

X

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2396 posts

Posted Thu December 23, 2021 6:53pmReport post

Evening Mum50

After the knock your left with a leaflet (I didn't know at the time how important this was it led me to this forum) and you realise how many of us are effected by our loved ones

When my son was brought home late the first night I just hugged him so tight and let him do the talking lots of tears and the reality of this whole journey

The last 16+ months has been a rollercoaster of emotions and highlighted more that he is now on remand

I have spoke to 2 friends and to be honest I was dreading it but wow the emotions I was feeling went as they have been amazing non judgemental and very supportive

I am walking this journey with my son it's the unconditional love we have

I do not condone what he has done by no means but he needs our support as he has lost so much already and we have a long journey ahead

Each day at a time



Sending hugs xx

Mum50

Member since
December 2021

56 posts

Posted Thu December 23, 2021 10:43pmReport post

We have our son home living with at the moment more fir his safety and his mental health he is mire relaxed today which makes me feel he is blocking it out denial maybe.

I want to shake him and hug him at the same time

My husband just sits and says little which really annoys me.

He won't even talk to me about it.

I have my daughter which is great but she is so hurt and disappointed by him she can not bring herself to forgive him having 2 young children herself that actually loved their uncle I can understand her.

I really don't know if I can carry on as normal I feel sick.

I go to bed and when I do sleep I wake up then it hits me again.

how do you carry on knowing there is an outcome at the end of this.

X

He as lost all this for something that I can not get my head around

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2396 posts

Posted Fri December 24, 2021 5:02pmReport post

Mum50

This is still so new to you so your feelings will be all over the place

Your son is probably still in a state of shock of what's happened but he is home with you and it is going to be a rollercoaster of emotions

My daughter is my rock I am very lucky to have her it's just the worst feeling in the world and a journey of such uncertainty

My son is in my thoughts constantly when I go to bed and when I wake up it dosent stop and we are 16+ months in to this

All.we can do is get through a day at a time please take care of yourself

Tomorrow will be so difficult for everyone but we will get through it

Hugs sent xx

Mum50

Member since
December 2021

56 posts

Posted Fri December 24, 2021 7:47pmReport post

Thank you so much for replying

I'm a emotional wreck gin does not help but I'm home at least.

Yes tomorrow will be hard I know but I'm going to see my 2 gorgeous grandchildren so I'm lucky.

Son will be at ours by himself it hurts but then I know he never thought of me when he done what he did x



Merry Christmas xx

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2396 posts

Posted Fri December 24, 2021 9:24pmReport post

Mum50

I don't think they realise what destruction there actions cause because they get so lost in what they do it's a persona they take on because behind the screen they become a different person they are not the boys we brought in to the world and loved and neutered but someone who is confident because they self loathe themselves it's not an excuse its reality the web has a.lot to answer for but it dosent excuse what they have done but as mums we don't give up.if I could exchange my life for his I would in a heartbeat xx

Mum50

Member since
December 2021

56 posts

Posted Fri December 24, 2021 9:51pmReport post

Upset mum

I could not have but that better myself.

Your words are so true.

Thank you x

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2396 posts

Posted Fri December 24, 2021 10:00pmReport post

Mum50

This group gives me a reason to get up and to be a voice of this horrendous journey that we have to.live through each day I could just stay in bed and grieve for the son I lost but if we give up what hope do they have they are I'll it's not an excuse but after talking to my my son he hates that person he became bit he got lost no excuse but I know he was mentally unstable he is at an all time.low and its hurts because we want to take away the pain and we cant it's a shit journey to be on but yet you all.give me.the Strength to keep.on going xx

Fatso

Member since
November 2019

107 posts

Posted Fri December 24, 2021 11:00pmReport post

Upset Mum.Mom 50

I can relate to you both so much, my son has been in custody since last December but thankfully he will be coming home in March. Even now I am trying to figure out what happened, will I ever find the answer. At the moment i just want him home, he is my only child and i miss him so much.

Keep strong ladies.

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2396 posts

Posted Fri December 24, 2021 11:10pmReport post

Fatso

Sending hugs xx

As hard as it is you have a light grab it with all your might hold him close tell him it will be ok as hard as it will be these is hope xx

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2547 posts

Posted Sat December 25, 2021 7:08amReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Sun December 26, 2021 4:16am

Mum50

Member since
December 2021

56 posts

Posted Sat December 25, 2021 8:25amReport post

Thank you ladies

Im lying here in bed knowing I have to force myself to get up.

I'm having to leave my son today and see my other family half of me wants to stay home here with him but I know I need to be with my daughter and grandchildren today.

Should I stay should I go my grandchildren would be devastated if I didn't and they are a big part that Is holding me together.

I have read all your replies and I do relate to them all I know my son is not bad somewhere in there is my little boy I am just so sad he chose not to love himself and went down a dark path .

Not even a week yet and I have got so long to go.

I have decided for the next to 2 days to leave the questions.

But from then on ladies I really would like some help in the direction of getting help for him plus how to get a job will he need a solicitor so much in my head I think I need to take one at a time.

So Merry Christmas to you all whereever you may be today sending you all my best wishes X

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2547 posts

Posted Sun December 26, 2021 4:10amReport post

How your comment mum50 struck a chord.:

"he chose not to love himself and go down a dark path"

sums up perfectly how I feel my boy got in this mess....

Edited Sun December 26, 2021 4:17am

Mum50

Member since
December 2021

56 posts

Posted Sun December 26, 2021 8:53amReport post

Smile through the tears

What a sad and horrendous time we are having to endure.

I sit and look at my son trying to figure out when and why this started but he is the one with those answers I am wanting him to be trueful to himself and until he does this I don't think he will ever be a peace with himself.

He needs to know he has ripped this family apart and myself and hubby are angry and disgusted by his actions but we just can not let him go through this by himself even though its going to be hard path a path I would not wish on my worse enemy.

So with help and support from wherever I can get it I will walk along side of him.

Thanks for listening

I am always here if anybody else wants to talk

X

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2547 posts

Posted Sun December 26, 2021 9:47amReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Mon December 27, 2021 6:02am