What to tell children?
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social worker suggested we tell the children age 9-12 'Dad is in a bit of trouble with the police' or 'Dad has done something wrong' I hate these ideas, I have very inquisitive children who will ask lots of questions.
what have you told your children why Dad isn't allowed home, to stay over night or take them out alone?
what have you told your children why Dad isn't allowed home, to stay over night or take them out alone?
We are 14 months into this now and still in limbo. They are now 10 and 11 so fully aware of what is going on. Advice was not to lie but to limit the truth and that seems to have worked. My partner denies it so we are in the denial phase still. I've told them that the police think their dad has been talking to someone he shouldn't have and they have taken his phones etc. to try and work out who it was that did this. I'm lucky there have not been too many questions. Because I dont know what I am dealing with I do stick to the supervision restrictions and that threw up a few issues when childcare sources ran dry and I had to use him. Explaining that they had to be with his sister too was difficult but again they just seem to accept it. Kids are so resilient. Good luck. Be there for them, that's all you can do.
Mine were younger and I said that he had made some bad choices which have grown up consequences, and one of those consequences was that he wasn't going to live with us any more. But that he still loves them very much.
Both in parenting and as a teacher I also make a point of pointing out emotions e.g. it has been such a big change and changes can be scary and make us feel sad or angry or not even sure how we feel. And sometimes we have questions and sometimes not. At the moment it's all so new that I'd love to talk about how we're feeling when you want to, or if you fancied talking to someone else remember there is always (insert names here - teacher? Grandparents? Close adult?). Big changes often come with a lot of questions. I might not be able to answer all of your questions but I'd love to hear what you are thinking. I'm trying to write down how I feel so if you want to try that too then I can give you a notebook.
Both in parenting and as a teacher I also make a point of pointing out emotions e.g. it has been such a big change and changes can be scary and make us feel sad or angry or not even sure how we feel. And sometimes we have questions and sometimes not. At the moment it's all so new that I'd love to talk about how we're feeling when you want to, or if you fancied talking to someone else remember there is always (insert names here - teacher? Grandparents? Close adult?). Big changes often come with a lot of questions. I might not be able to answer all of your questions but I'd love to hear what you are thinking. I'm trying to write down how I feel so if you want to try that too then I can give you a notebook.
Cloud this is amazing. I will be borrowing some of these tips. X
I told ss and all muilt agenice I was not go to lie to my children but I was always going to keep it with in their age groups.
I made a character up by the name of timmy and everything I had to explain to my the 4 year old child timmy was going thro the same thing or something like this.
We used a lot of roll play when it came to talking to safe adults what are safe adults.
This is not a sercert but we also must be mindful of who we are telling because other people can be just as mean because what has happened.
My daughter knows her dad has sent naughty messages and he said he wanted to hurt a child I said I think for a now 5 year I believe that a good understanding and she knows she cant be left allow with him and no child should be left allow with him.
I have said as time passes she will be give more details and if she wants to read the paper work it is there for her to do so.
I made a character up by the name of timmy and everything I had to explain to my the 4 year old child timmy was going thro the same thing or something like this.
We used a lot of roll play when it came to talking to safe adults what are safe adults.
This is not a sercert but we also must be mindful of who we are telling because other people can be just as mean because what has happened.
My daughter knows her dad has sent naughty messages and he said he wanted to hurt a child I said I think for a now 5 year I believe that a good understanding and she knows she cant be left allow with him and no child should be left allow with him.
I have said as time passes she will be give more details and if she wants to read the paper work it is there for her to do so.