Family and Friends Forum

Smile through the tears

So glad you got through your Christmas.

Ours was not that great but we are only a week into this horrible journey.

Christmas day was spent at my daughters with my grandchildren I'm so blessed to have them. I surprisingly ate my dinner I was hungry.

Evening we came home to my son which even through he as blown our family apart my heart did go out to him with how broken he looked.

Boxing day came and went nothing special at all.

I put a halt on everything for 2 days now it all needs to start but truefully I don't know where to start.

I just hope sick feeling stops soon.

Sorry for the not such festive cheer but again I'm glad you survived yours like I did mine

Speak to you soon

Best wishes X

Got thru Xmas day n boxing day feeling like a complete fraud. On the outside looking in though, a lovely Xmas day and our boys were extremely happy (guess that's all that matters really)

Brave faces on for the kids and a few extended family (who are aware) and tried to be normal but me and H were struggling inside so much which led to a little breakdown and tears yesterday when we were alone and he opened up about how he was feeling. It was heartbreaking but a relief as I thought it was just me who felt a fraud.

My niece (3) was allowed to come around under a "family event agreement" and it was the first time since the knock (mid Oct) she had seen my H, she never left his side, cuddling his leg when he was cooking, singing how much she loved him, telling him every 2 minutes of she wasn't singing it, checking in with him everytime he picked up a knife (he cut his finger early slicing melon not long after she got to ours) it was so lovely to see but so painful as I'm so frightened that he will never really be allowed to see her after the courts, whenever that maybe.

So many mixed emotions.

Yesterday he was leaving me and the boys as we would be better off, he wants to die but says wouldn't as it would hurt us even more but at least we wouldn't need to go through the courts, press and stigma. I told him it was our decision and I wanted to stand by him. I spoke about this forum and the positivity thread (thank you Lee, I come on regularly just to re read them)

This journey is soooo hard but I KNOW we will get through this and that is due to all you lovely people on here so I wanted to say thank you for giving me hope x

NMS

I think we all have similar thoughts of Christmas

It was a godsend to have been given information of this Web page I feel I can write all my thoughts here as you will all understand me .

Thinking of you and my thoughts are with you and your family X

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My Christmas has been terrible.

My partner is om recall to prison (GBH charge) after he was arrested for IIOC. He has always promised me that devices will come back clear because he hasn't don't it.

Last week we had probation report that was sent to parole board which stated 'no images have been found, the case will likely be dropped'.

After telling my childrens dad that this is what has been said, so I said I'm hopeful we can go back to how we was before when he is released from prison, he has took the children Christmas eve and won't return them.

I have SS visit on Wednesday, but I don't know if they will be of any help because they have had my partner guilty from the get go.

I'm just preying that with this being said they will lower his risk and start working with us rather than against us. But again, SS don't follow law, they follow risk factors.

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Hi Lee

Yes,his recall was because he got arrested for IIOC. The probation have put forward to the parole board that no images have been found and the case will likely be dropped. Our solicitor is waiting for confirmation from police as she has heard nothing.

SS weren't involved before this. But him and his PO officer don't get on and they have portrayed him to be an absolute monster. There has been a lot of lies and twisting of the truth regarding past offences (all violence related, but his actual last offence before this was in 2006, the recent GBH was 2017) which can be ironed out once he is out with statements, records of interview and judges rulings. But unfortunately, PO isn't supporting release so we are powerless at the moment!

Regarding the kids dad, we have joint custody legally.. but he only normally has them every other weekend. If he doesn't hand them back into my care I will have to go to court to get them back.. which I will do. But since my partner went back to prison money has been tight, so I'm currently finding out if I can get any help with the costs or whether I need to take out a loan.

I was so naive to think that once this was over with we could just go back to how we was before.. how wrong was I!!

Xx

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So glad I found this site, I read the forum regularly but never posted. It has been 14 minths since the knock so our second Christmas apart. We have a 9 year old son and although living separately we are still trying to keep our family together. We have been to majestrates and Crown Court and trial is in May 2022. Christmas this year I thought would be better but although it was for our son, boxing day reality hit again and it's been so hard for myself and H. Husband also tried to kill himself last March which makes things even harder, he had a hard day yesterday and I did say I couldn't deal with his emotions yesterday as I too was struggling. I am always frightened he will find another way to kill himself and I will be the person to find him. I love him so much it hurts. Normally I am working so don't have time to think too much we just get on with things and take it a day at a time. Glad there is not only me feeling like Christmas and other situations are like an acting role.

Hi all. My Christmas was really difficult. Dad was arrested in the spring time and we await the next steps. It's so hard trying to be normal for the sake of my Mum. The atmosphere was so odd. I didn't see him for a few months after the initial shock but my actions were making it harder for my mum so I started speaking to him again. I also felt very sad. Mum is trying to be normal but she must have felt so stressed.

The sounds really tough Sandy, I hope things become easier for you all as time goes on.

Have you had opportunity to talk to someone about how you personally feel? It's such a difficult thing to process I imagine it will take some time for all of you to work through it, especially with the unknown hanging over you. It can be easy to forget about your wellbeing in the face of concern for others so try ensure you get the support you need to process everything. The helpline could be helpful if you felt you need to talk to someone away from family who understands xx

Thanks Grace I think I will call the helpline xx