Extremely confused
Notifications OFF
The knock came 6 weeks ago for my family. My husband of 21 years was arrested for talking in a chat room about things he had done to our children. He admits the chat but denies it was ever anything sexual, he was punishing himself. He has struggled with his mental health for many years now. Both of our children have been spoken to, our daughter is now 19. Neither have ever experienced anything out of the ordinary with him in any way. I do believe both of them, they are too shocked to be hiding anything.
Has anyone else had them blame it on self punishment? Is it an excuse? Is it an illness? I don't know what to believe. He says that he felt down and then that made him feel worse because he feels he deserves to be punished. I know people self harm physically but can this possibly be along the same lines?
Has anyone else had them blame it on self punishment? Is it an excuse? Is it an illness? I don't know what to believe. He says that he felt down and then that made him feel worse because he feels he deserves to be punished. I know people self harm physically but can this possibly be along the same lines?
Anne Marie
So sorry to hear you and your family are going through such a tough time.
You mentioned that your husband has been struggling with his mental health for some time, and I wonder whether any medication and/or support was already in place? If so he really should be back in touch with the GP, Consultant, CPN or support worker as they will already have information about him. If there is no active support then the GP should see him with the intention of referring him on as, if your husband already felt he needed to be punished , for something real or imagined,, the amount of trouble he has now brought down may just lead to a further deterioration.
I don't think any of us could say whether he is genuine in what he is saying, but the indications from other members of your family at present would suggest he has not harmed them.
Very best wishes.
So sorry to hear you and your family are going through such a tough time.
You mentioned that your husband has been struggling with his mental health for some time, and I wonder whether any medication and/or support was already in place? If so he really should be back in touch with the GP, Consultant, CPN or support worker as they will already have information about him. If there is no active support then the GP should see him with the intention of referring him on as, if your husband already felt he needed to be punished , for something real or imagined,, the amount of trouble he has now brought down may just lead to a further deterioration.
I don't think any of us could say whether he is genuine in what he is saying, but the indications from other members of your family at present would suggest he has not harmed them.
Very best wishes.
Thank you both for taking the time to respond.
He has been on anti depressants several times over the past 10 years. He never sticks with them, has 1 or 2 months worth then stops. Has has now spoken to GP and has been referred to a Councillor and has had meds upped and apparently intends to stick with them. He did not return home after arrest as he was not allowed near our underage son. This was dropped after 3 weeks. They have seized his phone but he has no other technology to use. He went back to police station on 14th and his bail was extended, apparently it will be about 8 weeks from then before he need to go back. I don't even know what could happen then?
I've seen him twice and he is absolutely devastated. He is a shell of the man he once was, but I still love him. I want him to come home and get back to normal but I know that isn't possible. I'm so confused by his reasoning and just don't understand anything that is going on in this explosion called my life.
He has been on anti depressants several times over the past 10 years. He never sticks with them, has 1 or 2 months worth then stops. Has has now spoken to GP and has been referred to a Councillor and has had meds upped and apparently intends to stick with them. He did not return home after arrest as he was not allowed near our underage son. This was dropped after 3 weeks. They have seized his phone but he has no other technology to use. He went back to police station on 14th and his bail was extended, apparently it will be about 8 weeks from then before he need to go back. I don't even know what could happen then?
I've seen him twice and he is absolutely devastated. He is a shell of the man he once was, but I still love him. I want him to come home and get back to normal but I know that isn't possible. I'm so confused by his reasoning and just don't understand anything that is going on in this explosion called my life.
Hi again
Lots of folks start antidepressants but give up due to side effects or start to feel better and think they no longer need the medication. It will be important that your husband can speak openly with the GP if he feels the meds do not suit him. All meds have side effects of course. Some effects will diminish or be more easily managed in time but sometimes they can be too distressing and a different anti depressant can be tried.
As combination of meds and talking therapies have the best outcomes so I hope Counselling can begin soon too.
Talking of therapy, have you considered any counselling for yourself ? Sounds as if you might benefit from an opportunity to explore your own feelings and work towards your own emotional recovery. Some therapists can offer couples or family therapy sessions which may be something to consider once both you and your husband are stronger and more settled.
Wishing you well.
Lots of folks start antidepressants but give up due to side effects or start to feel better and think they no longer need the medication. It will be important that your husband can speak openly with the GP if he feels the meds do not suit him. All meds have side effects of course. Some effects will diminish or be more easily managed in time but sometimes they can be too distressing and a different anti depressant can be tried.
As combination of meds and talking therapies have the best outcomes so I hope Counselling can begin soon too.
Talking of therapy, have you considered any counselling for yourself ? Sounds as if you might benefit from an opportunity to explore your own feelings and work towards your own emotional recovery. Some therapists can offer couples or family therapy sessions which may be something to consider once both you and your husband are stronger and more settled.
Wishing you well.
Hi Judith
Thank you for taking the time to reply.
My GP has referred me for councilling, I was very open, told them everything and basically begged for help.
Couples therapy is something I'm starting to think about. He has never been an emotionally open or accessible person when it comes to his thoughts or feelings but I actually think that may help us.
It's something I am going to look into. I don't feel as u I can let myself be with him I a relaxed or permanent way until I know what the police find. I'm expecting that to be dragged out for months after reading some of the posts here. Maybe it would be worth starting now but, just not sure of I can.
Take care x
Thank you for taking the time to reply.
My GP has referred me for councilling, I was very open, told them everything and basically begged for help.
Couples therapy is something I'm starting to think about. He has never been an emotionally open or accessible person when it comes to his thoughts or feelings but I actually think that may help us.
It's something I am going to look into. I don't feel as u I can let myself be with him I a relaxed or permanent way until I know what the police find. I'm expecting that to be dragged out for months after reading some of the posts here. Maybe it would be worth starting now but, just not sure of I can.
Take care x