I know this is a bit different than most of the posts on here, including the conversations I joined when I first joined the forum.
I was a bit nervous about posting, but someone from the helpline encouraged me to try.
My husband was arrested in May 2021 for collecting, distributing, and making indecent images. He ended his life four weeks later, in June. (Despite me begging the detectives to not release him on bail because I was worried he might attempt suicide.)
I know it's a difficult topic and I've gotten support from a suicide bereavement organisation. But so far I haven't heard of or met anyone else who has lost a family member or partner this way. It feels like I lost him twice. And the stigma of his offences means it can be hard to talk about my grief in my bereavement support group.
Statistically, I know this isn't immensely uncommon. But I don't see people really talking about it anywhere. If there's anyone on here who lost a loved one after arrest, I'd welcome hearing from you, especially how you tried to cope or find community.
many thanks, Max
I was a bit nervous about posting, but someone from the helpline encouraged me to try.
My husband was arrested in May 2021 for collecting, distributing, and making indecent images. He ended his life four weeks later, in June. (Despite me begging the detectives to not release him on bail because I was worried he might attempt suicide.)
I know it's a difficult topic and I've gotten support from a suicide bereavement organisation. But so far I haven't heard of or met anyone else who has lost a family member or partner this way. It feels like I lost him twice. And the stigma of his offences means it can be hard to talk about my grief in my bereavement support group.
Statistically, I know this isn't immensely uncommon. But I don't see people really talking about it anywhere. If there's anyone on here who lost a loved one after arrest, I'd welcome hearing from you, especially how you tried to cope or find community.
many thanks, Max
Max,
There are no words I can type to express my deepest condolences. I'm so sorry both yourself and your husband were failed by the system so drastically. I have seen two other women on here say their partner did the same. I think there needs to be massive changes to how the justice system operates in these cases and also towards society's view on them. If there is anything you need us to do or need support, please let us know. Xx
There are no words I can type to express my deepest condolences. I'm so sorry both yourself and your husband were failed by the system so drastically. I have seen two other women on here say their partner did the same. I think there needs to be massive changes to how the justice system operates in these cases and also towards society's view on them. If there is anything you need us to do or need support, please let us know. Xx
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Max27
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Nothing I can say can take away the terrible grief you are feeling but I guess those of us on the Forum can at least understand the stigma of offending and how it can isolate us from the friends and family we usually turn to for support. Suicide, whilst it isn't quite the taboo subject it used to be, is still difficult to speak about for many, and leaves us with so many unanswered questions.
Lee is right, there was a very brave member of the Forum, Charlene 1993, who relatively recently shared that her partner had taken his own life. If you put the name into the D's search facility you should find it. Unfortunately there is no facility to have person to person ( private) contact with folks on this facility but she may see your post and reply.
LFF ( the administrator) did suggest an organisation called Survivors of Bereavement might be able to offer support Maybe the SIN helpline has already suggested that but the number is 03001115065. And for a non judgemental listening ear there is always the wonderful Samaritans who are there any time at all.
It is probably the last thing you want to hear but please remember to take care of yourself even if it feels an uphill struggle just to make a cup of tea.
Sending love.
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Nothing I can say can take away the terrible grief you are feeling but I guess those of us on the Forum can at least understand the stigma of offending and how it can isolate us from the friends and family we usually turn to for support. Suicide, whilst it isn't quite the taboo subject it used to be, is still difficult to speak about for many, and leaves us with so many unanswered questions.
Lee is right, there was a very brave member of the Forum, Charlene 1993, who relatively recently shared that her partner had taken his own life. If you put the name into the D's search facility you should find it. Unfortunately there is no facility to have person to person ( private) contact with folks on this facility but she may see your post and reply.
LFF ( the administrator) did suggest an organisation called Survivors of Bereavement might be able to offer support Maybe the SIN helpline has already suggested that but the number is 03001115065. And for a non judgemental listening ear there is always the wonderful Samaritans who are there any time at all.
It is probably the last thing you want to hear but please remember to take care of yourself even if it feels an uphill struggle just to make a cup of tea.
Sending love.
Sad Mum
What a terrible event. From your vivid description I wonder if you have a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I hope you felt able to seek some therapy for yourself after that though services can be more difficult to access in days of covid. I have read many of your posts and you are an amazing mum.
What a terrible event. From your vivid description I wonder if you have a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I hope you felt able to seek some therapy for yourself after that though services can be more difficult to access in days of covid. I have read many of your posts and you are an amazing mum.
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Max
My hear aches for you I am so so sorry there are no words I can say to ease what must be horrendous for you and I hope you do get support I just wanted to send lots of virtual hugs to you xxx
Sad mum
How traumatic for you to have seen your son at such a low point I worry so much for my son he is on remand and his state of mind is not good my heart hurts so much as all.we want is to keep them safe I am glad to read your son is getting help and i wish him all the very best on his journey to get stronger each day sending love xxx
My hear aches for you I am so so sorry there are no words I can say to ease what must be horrendous for you and I hope you do get support I just wanted to send lots of virtual hugs to you xxx
Sad mum
How traumatic for you to have seen your son at such a low point I worry so much for my son he is on remand and his state of mind is not good my heart hurts so much as all.we want is to keep them safe I am glad to read your son is getting help and i wish him all the very best on his journey to get stronger each day sending love xxx
Max and Sadmum - sending you both hugs; you both sound like strong and incredible women to be getting through this hideous journey xx
So sorry for your loss. There are a few who have been in the same situation. My partner tried to end his life when he was arrested and taken in for questioning. He could not do it as there was nothing given to him to make it successful of course, but he tried with whatever means he could.
Despite this the police released him when their questioning was finished. No one went to pick him up and he wasn't welcome back at the family home. So he had to drive late at night for hours back to his family home. He was defo not in the right mindset but they let him drive anyway.
He also had a history of mental health issues. He admitted to me that he basically was living to see his kids reach adulthood and he was planning to end his life when his youngest was 18....
Despite this the police released him when their questioning was finished. No one went to pick him up and he wasn't welcome back at the family home. So he had to drive late at night for hours back to his family home. He was defo not in the right mindset but they let him drive anyway.
He also had a history of mental health issues. He admitted to me that he basically was living to see his kids reach adulthood and he was planning to end his life when his youngest was 18....
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