Similar feelings
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Had a conversation yest with a very dear friend - her brother took his own life a few years ago - and as we spoke I realised there are so many similarities in grief felt in our situations.
Although my boy is very much alive, I (like her) feel bereaved with the life I had and now face coming to terms with how it'll never be the same again and building a different life.
We also discussed our 'guilt feelings' - could our behaviour towards our loved ones or our situation at that time have tipped them towards the path they took.
She said as humans we get comfort in categorising and by giving a reason to a situation it somehow gives us a degree of comfort. How you have to realise that somethings happen and there is NO 'logical reason' and certainly not our fault, it's just this desperation to find an 'understanding why' ..... how very very true.
Although my boy is very much alive, I (like her) feel bereaved with the life I had and now face coming to terms with how it'll never be the same again and building a different life.
We also discussed our 'guilt feelings' - could our behaviour towards our loved ones or our situation at that time have tipped them towards the path they took.
She said as humans we get comfort in categorising and by giving a reason to a situation it somehow gives us a degree of comfort. How you have to realise that somethings happen and there is NO 'logical reason' and certainly not our fault, it's just this desperation to find an 'understanding why' ..... how very very true.
Smile, I too grieve the loss of my son (he is also very much alive) and I grieve for the devastating change to our family and the life that I thought we were living.
I agree with your friend. Maternal guilt has always been a 'thing' for me but anger has overridden it in this situation - my son has had a fairly privileged upbringing, a good education, security, support and love throughout his whole life and I refuse to feel guilt. He's an intelligent boy and he knows better than to do what he's done, whatever the circumstances regarding mental health, addicition etc. Sometimes life just happens.....
I agree with your friend. Maternal guilt has always been a 'thing' for me but anger has overridden it in this situation - my son has had a fairly privileged upbringing, a good education, security, support and love throughout his whole life and I refuse to feel guilt. He's an intelligent boy and he knows better than to do what he's done, whatever the circumstances regarding mental health, addicition etc. Sometimes life just happens.....
Ladies
That is how I feel my son is still with us but he just exists been in remand has destroyed what little bit of fight he had left in him he is where he is because of his actions but it hurts so much to see him like this as a mum you just want to make things better but I cant
I feel the guilt even though I had no idea just how bad things were and how deep he was in this its heartbreaking
Like you Smile I worry for his future so much
Sending hugs xx
That is how I feel my son is still with us but he just exists been in remand has destroyed what little bit of fight he had left in him he is where he is because of his actions but it hurts so much to see him like this as a mum you just want to make things better but I cant
I feel the guilt even though I had no idea just how bad things were and how deep he was in this its heartbreaking
Like you Smile I worry for his future so much
Sending hugs xx
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Evening Smile
Same thoughts about my son xx
Same thoughts about my son xx
It is definitely like grief but a strange one, obviously they are still here, but you can't talk about them, at least not positively to people you know, every time I go to say something I need to stop and remember not mention him and that hurts more than anything xxx lots of love to you all xxx
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Hi Smile through the tears,
I wish we could all hug! Best wishes
maij x
I wish we could all hug! Best wishes
maij x
I was just worried I could have upset others - Maij - Yes we need a group hug!!!!
BaffledB
I did manage to read your post and am sorry you had to endure that. As long as you sre okay and have moved on from that experience and you are healing big hug xx
I did manage to read your post and am sorry you had to endure that. As long as you sre okay and have moved on from that experience and you are healing big hug xx
Thanks Maij. I've been lost in my thoughts today and thought it may have been good to speak about my experience and try to show reality when it comes to people being quick to judge but on second thoughts I decided it may be inappropriate.
Thank you <3 xx
Thank you <3 xx