Had a good day but feel guilty
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So today I have felt like I have had a good day mentally. Of course everything pops into my head at least at one point of the day, and has done every day since the knock 3 weeks ago. But today I felt like it hasn't broke me.
But now I feel guilty for it not breaking me and making me cry and letting it consume my every thought. Almost as if the not letting my thoughts upset me takes away the seriousness of it it all. I'm confused about why I have felt like I have had a normal day so early into this. I feel ashamed to have felt normal.
But now I feel guilty for it not breaking me and making me cry and letting it consume my every thought. Almost as if the not letting my thoughts upset me takes away the seriousness of it it all. I'm confused about why I have felt like I have had a normal day so early into this. I feel ashamed to have felt normal.
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I totally get what you're saying.
It may help to remind yourself that YOU haven't done anything wrong or serious and in a fair world you shouldn't be affected at all by someone else's choices.
Also remember that the best way you can support your loved ones at this time is doing everything you can to look after yourself! You can't pour from an empty glass and all that.
The other thing I'd say is to agree with smile. You feel all sorts of things, up and down and all over the place and absolutely every emotion in the book. It's tough and it's confusing but it's also normal, rational and completely OK.
I'm glad you had a good day, here's hoping for many more! :) xx
It may help to remind yourself that YOU haven't done anything wrong or serious and in a fair world you shouldn't be affected at all by someone else's choices.
Also remember that the best way you can support your loved ones at this time is doing everything you can to look after yourself! You can't pour from an empty glass and all that.
The other thing I'd say is to agree with smile. You feel all sorts of things, up and down and all over the place and absolutely every emotion in the book. It's tough and it's confusing but it's also normal, rational and completely OK.
I'm glad you had a good day, here's hoping for many more! :) xx
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Thank you all for replying.
I guess I should be greatful as I'm sure little moments like that will be less that other days. From what I've read on here I think it is just all about trying to find a new normal.
I went to the doctors the other day and she said to speak to talking therapies. I haven't called them yet, because I felt OK. But I think there will be a time I need to and I know the waiting lists can be long. Has anyone else used talking therapies? Or should I pay for a more specialised one?
I guess I should be greatful as I'm sure little moments like that will be less that other days. From what I've read on here I think it is just all about trying to find a new normal.
I went to the doctors the other day and she said to speak to talking therapies. I haven't called them yet, because I felt OK. But I think there will be a time I need to and I know the waiting lists can be long. Has anyone else used talking therapies? Or should I pay for a more specialised one?
Hey Lost,
Please don't feel guilty for feeling normal and enjoying a day without your mind racing and anxiety and all the other horrible emotions which come with this journey. As you know you may be on it from anywhere from 6 months to 2 years. If you get good days, enjoy them because without a doubt there will be days when you feel like it's on top of you. It's like a rollercoaster. I managed to get many good days and forget about it in the 9 months leading up to charges. Since charges I have been worried sick, this week I've hardly slept, I've had an outbreak of a skin condition I suffer with and my period is late (which must be stress induced because I'm never late and I'm not pregnant). Yesterday I managed to shake it off a bit and rest my mind and I will enjoy however long this period of calmness lasts because I'm not sure when it'll change and I'll be miserable and worried again. All I keep telling myself is it could be so much worse and that helps. Whatever happens is going to happen and there is very little I can do to stop it. I hope for the best but I plan for the worst.
Sending love and strength xx
Please don't feel guilty for feeling normal and enjoying a day without your mind racing and anxiety and all the other horrible emotions which come with this journey. As you know you may be on it from anywhere from 6 months to 2 years. If you get good days, enjoy them because without a doubt there will be days when you feel like it's on top of you. It's like a rollercoaster. I managed to get many good days and forget about it in the 9 months leading up to charges. Since charges I have been worried sick, this week I've hardly slept, I've had an outbreak of a skin condition I suffer with and my period is late (which must be stress induced because I'm never late and I'm not pregnant). Yesterday I managed to shake it off a bit and rest my mind and I will enjoy however long this period of calmness lasts because I'm not sure when it'll change and I'll be miserable and worried again. All I keep telling myself is it could be so much worse and that helps. Whatever happens is going to happen and there is very little I can do to stop it. I hope for the best but I plan for the worst.
Sending love and strength xx
I'd echo whatever one else has said that it's important to look after yourself.
What you said about feeling guilty for it, as though it diminishes things resonated with me, I have this guilt too. I have to remind myself that I'm not person that has committed or accused of committing a crime. I've worked hard to build the life and love I have around me and I value it hugely and that I still deserve that. While I find it really hard to take enjoyment from it at the moment, the times I can I really appreciate and I welcome the time it takes me away from being inside my head.
Take and embrace the times when you feel good, because there will be plenty of times you won't. This is such a emotional roller coaster.
What you said about feeling guilty for it, as though it diminishes things resonated with me, I have this guilt too. I have to remind myself that I'm not person that has committed or accused of committing a crime. I've worked hard to build the life and love I have around me and I value it hugely and that I still deserve that. While I find it really hard to take enjoyment from it at the moment, the times I can I really appreciate and I welcome the time it takes me away from being inside my head.
Take and embrace the times when you feel good, because there will be plenty of times you won't. This is such a emotional roller coaster.
Hi Lost258
There is absolutely no need for you to feel guilty. Reading your words was like reading about myself but I could see it so much clearer. I too have had these feeling when having a good day. Now I read your words I can say that it seems like a totally normal reaction considering the lows we have, the highs will creep in now and then. All emotions are all over the place so it makes sense that now and then they will be positive.
Try not to feel guilty, I will too from now on.
Hope you have more good days.
There is absolutely no need for you to feel guilty. Reading your words was like reading about myself but I could see it so much clearer. I too have had these feeling when having a good day. Now I read your words I can say that it seems like a totally normal reaction considering the lows we have, the highs will creep in now and then. All emotions are all over the place so it makes sense that now and then they will be positive.
Try not to feel guilty, I will too from now on.
Hope you have more good days.
It's been mentioned on other post recently how close the emotional process is to grief. I found it helpful to read about theories regarding going through grief - it showed me how feelings of guilt, anger, depression etc are normal and likely and puts things into some sort of framework/ perspective x
Cloud, it is indeed like a bereavement, but without the sympathy and support of others. I guess it's the death of the relationship as we thought it was, or the person we thought they were. I think also we go the grief stages but go round and round and don't finally emerge from the grief process until the investigation /court case or whatever is completed. Then we can start coming to terms with the new realities of our lives.